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"He asked me out so many times," she said. "He had no shame. It didn't matter that he came from nothing. He saw me and wanted me and wasn't afraid to say so. For six months he tried, and six months I said no. And then one night, I said yes."
"He just wore you down?"
Janette smiled sweetly. "In a manner of speaking." She leaned her head onto her hand, propped up on the back of the chair, and drew the scene into the air with her other hand. "Every year the school put on a gala, a performance that attracted donors from all over the city. It was such a big event, conservatory reps, recruiters, even agents came. The school would only allow the best of the best to perform."
"And that was Dad?"
She nodded with a fond smile. "That was Danny. He got up on that stage, and he was supposed to play, I don't know, some jazz thing with his quartet. But before they played, he performed a song he had written for me, and sang it with that sweet, raspy voice of his. And he said my name in front of all those people. This boy from Brooklyn was willing to risk his whole future to tell the world he loved me."
She covered her mouth as her smile grew even bigger with the recollection, and her eyes twinkled with some unspoken memory.
"You know, that might have been the night you were conceived."
I gaped. I hadn't realized how quickly that mistake had happened.
"I wasn't going to keep you," she admitted. "You should know that. But Danny wanted you so badly. He said no matter what happened between us––if I stayed, if I left––he always wanted his daughter." She looked at me with a sad smile. "You know, for all that you look like me, you're really so much more Danny's daughter than mine. You've got that goodness of his. That light, and that willingness to give everything you have to something you love. I was never like that. I could never––love––like that."
I gulped, but didn't say anything. Across the street, a pair of kids was riding bikes in the Commons. From this far away, they almost looked like Annabelle and Christoph, and suddenly I was filled with regret and also empathy for my younger siblings. Even as she tried with her second go-around at family, Janette still couldn't find it within herself to love her children more than herself. To give of herself completely.
At least she knows it, I thought.
"Don't lose that goodness," Janette said as she looked toward the kids in the park. "It's the best thing Danny gave you. It's the best thing you have."
~
