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The effect of the two words were instantaneous. My eyes popped open, and my entire body tensed.
"No," I said clearly as I pushed off him and scooted a solid two feet away from him.
He just watched me, completely dumbfounded.
"Brandon," I said, this time careful not to meet his eyes. Frantically I pulled my shirt back up, and the sheets around my lower body. "Please. If you...if you love me, you won't do this again. You won't use me like-like a Band-Aid for whatever it is you're struggling with. You won't manipulate me like that."
He froze. I exhaled, grateful that something I had said had finally broken through, even though the guilt clearly written over his handsome features hurt me too.
He sighed, long and low. "Is that what you think I was doing?"
"Isn't it?"
The seconds fell like rocks between us. But in the end, he nodded.
"Shit," he said as he covered his face with a pillow. "Shit." Then he pulled the pillow away as something occurred to him. "Is that why you're doing this conversion thing?" he asked in a low voice. "Trying to fix yourself for me?"
I waited a beat, then answered. "What else?"
"Skylar...I told you, we're past it. You don't need to change anything for me, baby. Fuck, I don't want you to change for me."
"It's fine," I said. "I offered to do it, didn't I? In a manner of speaking, it's one way to atone for the mistakes I've made."
Brandon snorted. "That's a very Catholic thing to say. You sure you actually need to convert?"
I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn't see me well in the dark. Brandon sighed, his breath causing the skin behind my ear to warm. I scooted back toward him, wanting to let him know that he wasn't alone. I wasn't angry. I had made my choice, as much as I didn't really like it. But I needed him to choose us too.
Brandon hugged me close.
"I love you," he murmured into my hair.
I relaxed a bit more into him, although not completely.
"Good," I whispered.
He kissed my shoulder, tightened his arms again and didn't let go.
~
