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Luna’s crying.Thank God, she’s crying. It means she’s breathing; living. She’s securely strapped to a gurney with a very uncomfortable-looking neck brace on and she’s covered with a blanket, except for one hand that grips mine as I hurry alongside her, and don’t even think to ask if I can come along in the ambulance. I just climb on in with her and the medic. I sit down on the metal bench while one medic hops in the driver’s seat, leaving the other to sit on Luna’s other side, attaching a probe to her finger.
Down by the dock, Luna kept pulling the oxygen mask off that they wanted to put on her. It was scaring her, and since she was crying the medics didn’t push it. They figured if she had enough air in her lungs to cry…
“Kasey! Honey!” I hear my mom call, and I look up out of the ambulance doors to see her scurry to a stop, holding my handbag out to me.
“Thank you,” I reach out and grab it. Good thing she was thinking about things like having my I.D, cash, and insurance card and all that junk when it was the farthest thing from my mind.
“Matt and I will be right behind you, okay?”
“Okay,” I nod at her, feeling so lost. I’m so thankful to have my own mom here while I have to be one to Luna in this moment.
After my mom backs away, I see Ben, standing in the middle of the fray of concerned family members. His soaked jeans and Henley cling to him, and his hair is a mess of damp golden brown strands as his eyes dart between me and Luna with a look I can’t decipher. It’s concerned yet calculating, with a mix of relieved and hopeful, all while looking as if he’s seen a ghost.
I don’t know what to say to him. I owe him the very air I breathe for saving my little girl. I stare him down, trying to find the words that don’t come while his eyes finally settle on mine. Our gaze holds each other for what feels like eons, while I’m still at a total loss for any intelligent words or sentiments.
The medic stands to close the doors, and that is when Ben seems to make some spontaneous decision and holds his hand out while he scrambles aboard.
I shuffle over on the metal bench as far as I can, but it still doesn’t leave much room for him. He sits anyway and doesn’t seem bothered to be pressed so close side-by-side to me. He starts asking questions of the medic, something about what hospital we’re going to and their set-up, and as much as I want to be curious about how he knows what to ask and why he’s so interested, I keep fawning over my daughter whose crying has regressed to sniffling as she looks up at me with those big brown eyes.
As much as I want to get emotional and break down balling and sobbing, I don’t want to freak her already scared, nine-year-old mind out, so I quickly shift gears, trying to make it seem like this is no big deal.
“Guess what?” I gently prod, my tone mischievous and conspiratorial.
“What?” she asks on a hiccup, followed by more sniffles.
“I’ve never ridden in an ambulance before. It’s kind of cool huh?” I look around at all the equipment like I’m fascinated. She doesn’t bite, and instead tries to huddle closer to me against the restraints of the safety belts. “We’re taking our first ambulance ride together. And you know what? I think you’re okay sweetie. They’re just taking you to a doctor to make sure. When we get there, it’s going to be just like going to see Dr. Michaels for your check-ups.”
“Except for the CT,” Ben’s voice adds beside me, and Luna’s eyes move to him tentatively before darting back to mine for clarification.
“That’s Ben,” I tilt my head in his direction. “Do you remember meeting him yesterday at the wedding? He’s Auntie Melanie’s friend.”
“I’m the crazy guy that showed up late in the middle,” he throws her a silly smirk, and it’s a nice surprise. Last night he was completely nice, and I felt a definite thrill dancing with him. He just struck me as the strong and silent, reserved type. And to my further surprise, Luna giggles. Her little life just shifted off its axis less than an hour ago, throwing her hurtling into orbit, and this man makes her giggle while she’s trying to find her way back. It’s short-lived when she remembers his words from a moment ago.
“What’s a CT?” she asks him.
“It means CAT scan, and it’s a special way doctors can take a picture of the inside of your head.”
“You mean like an X-ray?” she asks, her little dark eyebrows going up. She looks nervous, but this is distracting her from the fact she’s in an ambulance with scary equipment around her.
Ben rests his elbows on his knees and settles in as if he’s happy to be engaged in conversation with an elementary kid.
“Sort of. Only you get to go inside a really cool machine that looks kind of like a space ship. It doesn’t hurt, and it’s over really quick,” he snaps his fingers to illustrate.
“Is it scary?” She scrunches her little body up under the blanket, and he gives a shrug as he presses his lips together which I realize briefly go beautifully with his defined chin.
“It might be, but only because it will be new and different for you. One little thing I’ve learned,” he leans in like he’s about to share a big secret. Damn, he has a way with kids. “The more you know about what’s happening, the less scary it is. And I know a lot about hospitals.”
Luna looks satisfied at all the helpful information Ben delivered, and even a little relieved. And then she randomly switches her attention like only a nine-year-old can.
“Why are you all wet?” she asks quizzically, and he actually lets out a silent, breathy chuckle, as he looks down at the floor of the ambulance.
“He got you out of the water sweetie,” I supply quietly. My heart begins to ache again in the best possible way as the reality of the situation resurfaces. Luna’s eyes go wide with wonder and don’t leave Ben for the rest of the ride.
Luna’s nerves understandably amp up again when we reach the hospital and she’s wheeled through the automatic doors of the ER. All the beeping machines and medical staff scurrying around I’m sure is scary for her, and she curls into a ball again and grips my hand. She calms down once we’re in a cubicle and the curtain is closed. It has more of a doctor’s office feel which she’s more used to from yearly check-ups.
“So what incited the injury?” The nurse wants to know as she takes a seat at her computer after getting a set of vitals.
I open my mouth and look for a way to explain how I’m an ass of a mother that didn’t have her child in her sights; that I thought Luna would be fine on the small court just twelve feet below the deck we were on. It also occurs to me, only now, that I don’t even know exactly what happened.
