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Chapter Nineteen
Kasey
“You had sex!”Lizzie points an accusing finger at me, making me freeze in my tracks after pushing through the door of the salon.
I stop to calculate exactly how many seconds she’s had her eyes on me, and how she could possibly draw that conclusion so quickly.
“Good morning to you too,” I deflect as I resume walking towards my station and bend over to open my bottom drawer to stow my bag.
“Deets, Bish! Tell me everything!” She orders loudly as she kneels backward in her stylist chair and rests her elbows on the back to prop her chin in her hands. She’s smiling wistfully with an expectant look in her eyes - like a kindergartner sitting down for story time.
“How do you know I had sex?” I straighten up and turn on her.
“You have a bounce in your step like you didn’t just find out your fuckwad ex is a pro baseball player yesterday,” she waves a hand dismissively. “Now, back to important matters. I need length, girth, cut or uncut, straight or crooked,” she starts listing penis attributes on her fingers before resting her chin back on her hands. “And of course, how many times, and where he ranks. Proceed,” she waves her hand out, palm up, in a‘the floor is yours’fashion.
She’s a dog with a bone (take that however you want), and she’s not going to let up. She’s going to be breathing down my neck all day. And besides, I still feel pretty good about what happened between Ben and me, even if I may soon have to face the fact that that may be all it will ever be.
I let out a breath and look around, checking the front door to make sure no one is about to come in.
“Long and thick enough for it to hurt in that really,reallygood way, twice, and… number one.”
Her eyes widen like she’s in an anime cartoon, saucer-sized pupils and all.
“Like… better than Evan?” she asks, and I nod. “Like, in what category?”
“Every.” I turn to start busying myself with readying my station, and heading over to our main supply area to grab what I’ll need for my first appointment, which is color and highlights.
“So… you’re being serious,” she says, getting up from her seat and slowly walking over to join me. “The best sex you’ve ever had?” I nod again, confidently, as I grab a mixing bowl and brush. “Like, even better than that one weekend fling with that fuck boy that was really hung and-”
“Yes,” I tell her firmly, because I’m not likely to forget it for the rest of my life. I’m a little worried I might also be ruined for any future sex I may’ve had with anyone else.
“Is it going to happen again?” Lizzie asks from my side, as I set my items down, along with a pair of rubber gloves so that they’re ready.
I shake my head as she follows me to my station where I grab my apron off the hook.
“No?” she asks in disbelief.
“Probably not, it’s too complicated.” I’m getting uncomfortable as I pull my apron over my head and start tying it behind me. Talking about the monumentally epic sex is one thing. Talking about the depressing shit that’s sure to happen next is another.
“So uncomplicate it,” she supplies, unaware of all the factors involved in this mess I got myself into last night.
“That’s up to him,” I mumble, as I pull my phone out of my back pocket and start looking to see if there’s a meeting that I could get to today between my last appointment and picking Luna up. It’s like meetings are my new drug; the only thing I can binge on while I try not to think about turning to the real thing. And they help, for sure, but there’s got to be something more I can do. “All the complications are on his end,” I quietly add, as I find one at two-thirty which I can make before picking her up at four.
Lizzie quiets, a soft, compassionate smile falling over her face as she pats my arm and heads back over to her station.
Who am I kidding?
I’m just as much to blame for convoluting things.I’mthe one who told him howIfelt while he was a good sport and humored me. The comical thing about that one was I thought that was menotcomplicating things. ThenI’mthe one that threw myself at him, knowing it couldn’t be anything more. I just wanted to give myself something; to enjoy myself and connect with a man that would make me feel like a sexual, desirable woman, and not think.
And fuck, I’m pretty sure that was his first kiss since losing his wife; maybe he was saving it for someone else and I just took it!
Though he did say he wanted to do everything we did; that he wanted it to be with me, words that I felt down to my soul, making me feel so warm and bright and infusing me with a euphoria that no pill could ever give me.
I’m comparing Ben to drugs. This can’t happen. He’s emotionally unavailable, because of course he is. He’s the first decent man I’ve been with in years, and besides that, he’s going to do an about face any minute and get on a plane and we’ll never see him again. I knew I shouldn’t have gone there, but I did.
And then this morning, I had to go and make things weirdagain, when I dropped Luna off at practice by acting all awkward, stammering about how I had a busy day ahead of me (I don’t), how I really had to get going and make a stop on my way (at Dunkin’ for a hazelnut coffee and cinnamon sugar donut) and how I’d be back to grab Luna after practice (if I didn’t die from a stress-induced stroke or just plain mortification).
I didn’t know what to do. He kept looking at me with that sexy face of his, with some sexy but awkwardI’ve seen you nakedexpression on it.
