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I give her a kiss on the forehead and head out the front door, to find Ben leaning against his truck which is parked on the street. His hair is damp from a shower and combed out of his face that’s been freshly shaved. His hands, as usual, are stuffed in the pockets of his dark wash jeans, and his white button-down has the top three buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to the elbows.
As I walk toward him, I can’t help but feel a bit in love with him and this whole picture.
“You look beautiful,” he greets me with a gentle smile when I stop in front of him.
“Thank you,” I say appreciatively, trying to remember the last time anyone has said that to me.
“Does Luna know?” he asks, no doubt wondering if he means about us. For the last week, whenever we’ve seen each other, children have always been present, barring any touching or kissing. But the looks have definitely been there; the lingering gazes and sweet, sensual smiles.
“No,” I murmur regrettably. “I’m sorry, it’s just, Luna’s so nuts about you, and I don’t want to get her hopes-”
“It’s okay,” he whispers with a small smile, adamant reassurance clear in his light brown eyes. “I understand, Kasey. It’s okay.”
I let out a small breath. I want so bad to tell him that he’s different from all the rest. I already know he is, it’s just still a bit too soon to get a little girl’s heart going when we don’t know where this thing between us will end up yet.
Ben puts me in the truck and drives us to the RiverFront where an annual summer art festival is taking place. He had admitted before tonight that he wasn’t sure where to take me, having not been on a first date in so long, and so I casually mentioned that this was going on. It’s something to do while being able to talk to each other at the same time. And even if he’s still a bit quiet, Ben’s gradually been doing more talking, and opening up more.
Ben’s strong, warm hand encompasses mine as we leisurely stroll along all the different craft tents, and it feels so natural; like it’s always been this way.
“You know, I’m still seriously considering the whole ice bath thing,” I subtly announce as we look at a display of glass-blown sculptures.
“Are you sure?” he quirks an eyebrow at me. He’s heard me mention this before, but I’ve been doing more research, like watching videos, and I’ve been getting more serious about it.
“No,” I laugh. “The first time is going to suck so bad, but Trisha does it several times a week and says she’s never felt better, and the fact that there’s a wellness center that offers this as a service… it’s got to be legit.”
“It is,” he confirms. “I did a rotation in sports medicine so I know how it helps athletes, but I have to admit when you brought it up to me before, I didn’t realize how it could help with mental health struggles. All the articles I’ve looked up have made perfect sense though.”
I nod, as I take in a pink and orange masterpiece. “I actually have an appointment at the wellness center on Thursday while Luna’s at her art class. I have to try it,” I say firmly, more to myself than to him, and he looks at me curiously. “Just… something needs to change. Meetings help, and so does going to the gym, but I see a ghost from my past, or my little girl falls in the lake, and I get so shaken and unsteady. I feel like something needs to be done on the inside,” I point to my chest, “to diminish those feelings; to strengthen my defense.”
“I think that makes perfect sense,” he nods, no longer looking at the sculptures. I look up to meet his eyes and they hold mine for an extra moment.
“What?” I ask, giggling nervously.
“It’s just, you amaze me with how you’re always looking for ways to do better; feel better,” he shakes his head in wonder. “Nothing ever keeps you from trying everything.”
I drop my head, feeling shy all of a sudden.
“Well, it’s just because I have to. If I didn’t have Luna to live for, I’m not so sure I’d be this way.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he rebuffs. “And besides, I don’t believe it. You’re stronger than anyone I’ve ever met, Kasey. Man or woman.”
I can’t find the right words to respond; I can only manage to look up at him with a feeble smile, so reluctant to look in a mirror and see what he sees.
Ben
After looking at paintings, wood carvings, hand crafted soaps and other cool pieces made my local artists, Kasey and I grab a couple of hotdogs from a nearby food truck. We walk down the paved path in the opposite direction of the tents to where the crowd thins out some before walking up to the railing overlooking the river.
“It’s funny,” she muses, examining her hotdog as I lean against the rail. “I thought doctors were supposed to advise against foods like this.” When the last word is out of her mouth she slowly closes her eyes in embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” she turns towards me, holding up an apologetic hand, “I didn’t mean to bring that up.”
I swallow the bite I had in my mouth and look down for half a second, trying not to take too long to gear up with my response.
“It’s okay,” I shake my head and put my hand on the small of her back to reassure her. “Time for me to suck it up and get over talking about that.”
“Ben, it’s okay if you don’t want to. It’s a sensitive subject that’s painful for you…”
“It’s also part of who I am, and I can’t keep shutting everyone out from that, especially you.”
At that, I see a light illuminate in her clear blue eyes and a soft pink hue brightens her cheek bones.
