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And he did sort of ask me out. Didn’t he? He said he didn’t have plans for the evening and asked about my plans, but maybe he was just being polite? That would be awful; I don’t want a charity offer because he realized I had no plans on a Friday night. Or maybe he wanted to talk about work? That might be even worse: an offer to do work on a Friday night because I didn’t have plans.
This is stupid. Why am I puzzling out his motives? It’s a fluke that I even saw him again. Nothing is going to happen, and that’s for the best. Dating the boss’s brother is one thing, dating the boss’s brother and secretly writing romance novels for a living when your day job is in the education industry is quite another.
Man, but that had been a close one. It’s almost better that Chris’s first thought was that I’m moonlighting at a competing company. Awful as that sounds, it’s better than admitting Harper is my romance novel agent. What would he think if he knew the lead writer for his brother’s education company masqueraded as the author of books that were decidedly unfit for children? Even if the two are totally separate, there are people who didn’t think you could write for kids and adults at the same time. If I wasn’t the one doing it, I’d probably think that, too.
My cell phone vibrates on the desk next to me, jogging my mind back to the present. “Hello?”
“Lisa, it’s Harper. Are you busy?”
“Well, it’s a Friday night, so no.”
“Save the sarcasm for the books,” Harper reprimands. “I’ve got some news. The Romance Writers Association had a cancellation for one of their workshop speakers for this year’s annual conference, and I submitted your name as a replacement. I just got word that they want you to host the session!”
I freeze.
“Lisa? Are you there?” Harper asks. “This is a big deal. Say something.”
“How could you?” I choke. I feel the bile rising in my throat. This can’t be happening.
“How could I what?” Harper asks. “Pull a bunch of strings on your behalf? Do something to advance your career?”
“Harper, we talked about this. I’m not ready to lose my pen name.”
“You don’t have to lose the pen name. It’s got traction,” Harper says. “And we don’t have to decide right now whether you divulge that Michele Lenard is a pen name. But we do have to decide if you host the session, and you should.”
“If I host the session, that’s still going to bring a lot of attention that I don’t want,” I cry.
“I know you’re afraid of the attention, and if you were a mediocre writer, I’d let you keep your anonymity. But you’re not. You have a refreshing voice, your sales are strong; if you had a strong brand to match, they’d be through the roof. This is an opportunity to build that brand.”
“I don’t want to turn myself into a brand. Not yet, maybe not ever. Romance writing might hurt my chances of finishing some of my other projects. I’m not ready to give them up.”
“But you’re ready to give up the romances?” Harper presses.
“Who said I was giving them up?”
“Fine, giving up on yourself,” Harper retorts.
“I’m not giving up on myself, just the opposite,” I growl, closing my hand into a tight fist and taking a deep breath before I continue. “I’m protecting my identity to pursue goals I want to accomplish. Goals I had long before the romances. If I dropped everything else to pursue romance writing, then I’d be giving up on myself.”
“Don’t you see that you have a chance to take your writing to the next level?” Harper cries. “I’m doing everything I can to give that to you, and you’re in a position to take advantage of it, right now. At the next conference. If you stay in limbo, you might miss it.”
“Then I miss it.”
“Dammit, you’re infuriating,” spouts Harper. “I don’t know how else to make you see what a great opportunity you have. I thought if I opened the door, you’d finally take the first step. Do you know how many other people would kill for the opportunity you’re dismissing right now?”
“Harper, I know you mean well. And I know you think you’re looking out for my best interests. If I didn’t have other goals in mind, I’d want you to do everything you’re doing on my behalf. Maybe one day I will want that. But not today.”
“You do understand that there’s always another refreshing voice, right? Lisa James or Michele Lenard might not be so refreshing when you’re finally ready to come out of the shadows.”
“I know,” I say. “I know it’s a risk to turn this down.”
“You really think being a romance writer will do that much damage to your other goals?”
“Maybe. All my other books are geared towards children, and I just started work with an ed tech company that’s raising money for a new software for education. People are sensitive about what children see and hear, understandably, and I don’t want to give anyone a reason to think I’m not suitable to work with kids. Romance writing might be viewed as unsuitable.”
“Typical,” Harper huffs. “I guarantee anyone who works in children’s publishing, or education, or even parents for that matter, is a closet romance fan. They’d need a little spice in life after trading in sugar all day. God forbid they admit it, though.”
“Well, as much as I admire your conviction that everyone loves a romance,” I chuckle, “I still better play it safe. I wouldn’t want to jeopardize my own books, or my coworkers’ success, with my dirty little secret.”
