AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Do you miss it? The traveling?”
“Honestly, yes. I do miss it a little because it was my life for so long, but shit, I’m older, tired, wiser. Wise enough to know I was never going to find what I was looking for out there.”
“What were you looking for?”
“It’s hard to explain. I…my father’s rejection of me because of my blackness was confusing. I’d always loved what I saw in the mirror, saw beauty in my blackness, in my mother’s blackness, in Cake and my uncle. I saw value in all of us, so I couldn’t understand why what he saw was so different. I think, on a subconscious level, I traveled the diaspora to try and figure out what was wrong with being black, what was ugly about it, but no matter where I went, who I met, they were all beautiful, living lives rich in traditions that survived harrowing journeys on slave ships. Afro-Brazilian, Afro-Mexican, Puerto Rican, Jamaican, Haitian, Ghanaians, Nigerian, black American, we’re all the same—African. And we’re all extraordinary. But see, I already knew that. I didn’t need to travel to find that out. Whole time I thought I was lost, but I wasn’t. But I do have a unique view of the world because of how I lived my life.”
“I can only imagine. I’m jealous.”
“Don’t be. We’ve got a lot of life in front of us to live, baby. Hey, Brooklyn?”
“Yes?”
“Do you want a career in music? If so, I’ll help you. I definitely have the connections. It doesn’t matter what my sister thinks about it. If you want it, I want to make it happen for you.”
“Um…the truth is, I did want that long ago but I never thought it could happen for me.”
“Why? You have a beautiful voice, one of the best I’ve ever heard. I assume you can still dance, and you’re stunning. You’re the total package.”
“And I’m dark skinned and no one is checking for that. I mean, I’m aware of my beauty. I think I’m worthy, but there were times when I was passed up for things, local shows and stuff, and I knew it wasn’t because of my talent or lack thereof. So I made singing something I did for myself, something that I connected to being happy. Singing became personal for me. And now, I have a child to raise. I’m not sure there’s room in my life to pursue that dream anymore.”
I could feel him nod. “I get that. Colorism is definitely a fucked-up reality, and I can understand you wanting to avoid that bullshit, but if you ever change your mind, I got you. Okay?”
“Okay. I love you, Vann.”
Kissing my forehead, he supplied, “I love you, too.”
CHAPTER26
BROOKLYN
“So you’re mad at me, too?” I asked, my eyes closed as I sat in my car outside the restaurant.
“No, not mad. Disappointed. You know you can tell me anything. Why didn’t you tell me about you and Vann?” Nadia asked. I could hear the hurt in her voice.
“Because we were just fucking at first and it only happened a few times. I fell in love with him, but it didn’t work out. It would’ve been painful to tell you at that point. Then, life went on and I left it in the past as best I could. Just never stopped loving him.”
“So, through all those years of messing around with Jamaal and being married to Isaac, you were in love with Vann London?”
“And evidently, he was in love with me.”
“Wow. Sharla said he told her because you two are together now.”
“We’re figuring it out, but yeah, we’re together. He spent the night with me last night. He’s at my place now. Just gotta make sure Bailey is comfortable with him being around, but I’m not too worried about that. Vann is a good man. I’ve always thought that, even after he broke my heart, but I was partially to blame for that. I should’ve left with him.”
“Well, it all worked out and Sharla will adjust.”
I sighed. “I hope so. I could feel the frost she was putting out two rows down from me at the alumni assembly this morning and she’s only communicating with me via email at work, won’t even look in my direction. I’m surprised she hasn’t fired my ass.”
“She’s upset but she loves you, Brooklyn, and she loves Bailey. She’s not going to fire you. I know she’ll come around because she loves Vann too.”
“Yeah. Well, I gotta go. Having lunch with my mom, of all people.”
“Really? Maybe another reconciliation is in order?”
“Yeah, maybe.”
Lunch was at La Placer.I was the first to arrive, and as I sat nervously munching on complimentary chips and salsa, I had to wonder what the fuck I thought I was doing? What did I expect from this meeting with my mother? A reconciliation with a woman I was never really all that close to. Sure, I loved her, made sure she was taken care of once I hit the Isaac Dembélé lottery, trusted her to care for my child, but could I honestly say I missed having my mother in my life in a real way? She was never a confidant or a comfort to me. Britta had always been those things. My mother had always just been my mother. I knew she loved me, but showing affection toward me wasn’t her thing. She was much better at that with Bailey. But maybe that was about to change and maybe I would welcome that change.
