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Nevertheless, I must steel myself against surrendering, for if I allow Dax to penetrate my defenses, he will surely exert his will upon me with reckless abandon. The inexplicable allure he exudes is accompanied by apprehension, for my mind incessantly conjures visions of the potential detriments he may inflict upon my existence. These disconcerting musings assail my senses, shrouding my perception of him.
Dear readers,
Love has a way of surprising us, leading us on unexpected paths and making us feel and do things we never thought possible. It's an enigma that can leave us questioning our own hearts and minds. And that's exactly where I find myself when it comes to Dax.
I've been harboring these feelings for him, a secret I've hidden away deep within myself. It's not just the shyness that prevents me from confessing, but also the fear of being vulnerable. After all, Dax has a reputation for breaking hearts and caring little about the emotions of others. Yet, there's something irresistible about him that draws girls in. Maybe it's the fact that he's a popular jock who also displays nerdy traits, aligning perfectly with my own interests. But deep down, I question if we're even meant to be, or if my attraction to him is solely based on that one kiss.
Honestly, that kiss still haunts me, its effect lingering in my mind and causing turmoil within me. I try to push these feelings aside, but they resurface time and time again. Should I gather the courage to tell him? Or should I continue to keep my emotions hidden out of fear? The thought of him laughing at my confession looms like a dark cloud over me.
And then there's the memory of him admitting his feelings for me during a recent club incident. It's as if I'm caught in this never-ending loop, unable to move forward.
These thoughts have gained even more weight as the school prom approaches, and it happens to be my first one.
In the past, I never attended because no one ever asked me out. Writing this now only strengthens my frustration and brings back the hurtful words uttered by Greg.
Maybe he was right.
Yes, I hate to admit it, but he was right.
For now, I've decided to follow his advice, though secretly. So, dear readers, I ask for your well-wishes as I plan to confess my feelings to Dax tomorrow. I hope I can silence the doubt in my mind and find the courage to face any outcome, even rejection. But I also can't ignore the fact that Dax often fits the role of the villain in the stories I immerse myself in. He's the kind of character I'm prone to fall for, the one destined to both shatter and mend my heart. However, I'm heeding my mother's wisdom to rewrite my own narrative, to start fresh, and to give Dax, the bully I've inexplicably fallen for, a chance.
A chance at redemption, triumph, heartache, and love. A chance to rewrite my own story alongside Dax, the irresistibly captivating villain.
Chapter Nineteen
Dax
"Don't go in there!" Aunt Mary abruptly halted me in my tracks just as i was about to enter the opulent sitting room. I peered cautiously, sensing that Father had visitors.
"Why?" I questioned, perplexed by Aunt Mary's urgency.
"Your father is engrossed in an important discussion," Aunt Mary whispered, positioning herself out of sight alongside the door as she stole another peek into the room. I stood quietly behind her, not wanting to intrude on Father's conversation, but concerned for Aunt Mary's well-being.
"What are they saying...?" I murmured softly, attempting to maintain discretion. However, Aunt Mary swiftly silenced me with a shushing gesture.
"I'm trying to read their lips!" Aunt Mary replied, her gaze fixed on the room. After scrutinizing the conversation further, she redirected her attention toward me. "It seems your dear father is planning a celebration party or something?" Aunt Mary disclosed.
"A celebration party?" I echoed, slightly taken aback by the unexpected news.
"Yes, and it's not even his birthday yet!" Aunt Mary revealed, clearly surprised by Father's intentions.
"It's probably a celebration for one of his business deals!" I sighed, rolling my eyes skyward.
This was typical of Father, meticulously planning his business celebrations and high-profile meetings, yet neglecting to arrange something as simple as my own birthday party.
My father has been incredibly absent from my life ever since my parents' divorce. He never shows up to any of my school activities, like watching me play in football matches or attending parent conferences. He even missed my eighteenth birthday, among countless other events that I'd rather not delve into right now. In the midst of it all, I've gradually come to realize that he has changed, and not for the better. It's as though he doesn't care about me or my well-being anymore. And truth be told, I no longer care about whatever he may be discussing with his visitors. I don't even care enough to give them a second thought or mention them. If, by some miracle, he were to extend an invitation to me, I would much rather retreat to the solitude of my room and subject myself to emotional turmoil by destroying anything I see or numb my pain through excessive drinking.
In that moment, as my father conversed with his visitors, I couldn't bring myself to care about anything he had to say. All I yearned for was a swift departure from that disheartening environment. Lost in my own apathy, I hardly noticed when he returned, or perhaps I simply didn't have the energy to care enough to notice.
Just as I was about to make my escape, my dear Aunt Mary suddenly clasped my hand, halting my every movement.
"Wow, big news! It seems your father is taking the plunge again," Aunt blurted out, unable to contain her excitement.
"Married?" I froze in my tracks, captivated by her words.
"Yes!" Aunt Mary's eyes sparkled, brimming with joy. But my brow furrowed in my typical fashion. Aunt noticed and inquired, "Aren't you thrilled?"
"No, I'm not," I replied, clenching my fists.
