Page 24 of Wonderland


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“Lance asked to be on the album. It’s been a dream of his to write material with me for a long time. He’s agreed to the tour, too. The rest of Central Demons are looking forward to a year out focusing on other things.” There was that dreaded word. Tour! “It won’t be like the world tour, Nat. It will be in smaller blocks of eight weeks.” Could he sense my body trembling at the thought? “Matt won’t be there either. It’s not going to be like the Steel Roses tour, I promise.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been there these last few months.” I was glad of the darkness, so Alex couldn’t see the tears trickling down my face. “I should have been there for you.”

“Hush, baby!” Alex pulled me against his chest. “You had your fucking reasons. You have never let me down! I should’ve fought more…fuck! Letting you dwell on your thoughts wasn’t good for you! It took Liv to make me see that. You’re my wife! I should have realised!”

“We both learnt from the experience,” I soothed, stroking his arm that was wrapped around me. “One thing I do know is how much I love you.”

Nestling his head at the nape of my neck, Alex breathed me in. “I love you, too, Straight Lace. You’re my guiding light. I can’t see straight with you.” His words lulled me into a peaceful slumber.

Alex and I started trying for another baby a few months later. It didn’t stop the fear setting in, though. What if the same thing happened? Could I go through that pain again? I wasn’t sure.

Things were a lot more relaxed with Gina running the record company while Alex worked on his new album with the guys. I was able to work from home most days, which meant there was a lot of spare time for Alex and I to try and make a baby.

It was no surprise with the amount of sex we were having, that we caught a few months later.

“How long do we have to wait?” Alex stressed, watching the pregnancy test. I was a week late and could feel pregnancy symptoms already.

“A few minutes,” I chuckled. How was Alex more nervous than me? Sitting, tapping his fingers on the bathroom counter, he waited until the lines appeared. “Is that…? Are we…?”

“Yes,” I breathed, tears filling my eyes. His lips crashed against mine. I tried with all my might to be happy, but two lines on a pregnancy test didn’t mean this baby was going to stay. Oh, how I wanted it. I craved this baby as much as I craved Alex’s love, but I was scared, fearing my body wasn’t strong enough to protect it.

“It’s going to be okay this time, Nat! I can feel it! Everything is fitting into place. The record label, the album and tour…now this!” I wanted to have Alex’s faith, I really did, but that fear ate away at me.

We didn’t tell anyone our news. I was only six weeks pregnant at the most, anyway. Alex was always super cute when I was pregnant. I seemed to have a sweet tooth with this baby, and found myself raiding his chocolate stash most days.

“I can tell this baby is yours. I'm already craving Cadbury's chocolate.” I snorted, eating one of his Fredo bars.

“Hey, save some for me,” Alex joked, giving me a loving smirk. “How are you feeling?”

“Good! No pain at all. My boobs don’t feel as sore, but that can come and go.”

“I’ve got a meeting with Arrow publishing to talk about my autobiography today. I’ll be out most of the day. Are you going to be okay?”

“Of course I will. I’m popping into the office this afternoon for a meeting. I need to check in with Liv about updating your social media logo, as well. Other than that, I’ll be resting.”

“Good girl.” Alex kissed me softly, running his hand over my stomach. “I want you and baby well rested. This little one is going to be so loved.”

“And spoiled, knowing you,” I teased against his lips. “You better head to your meeting. I was thinking of giving Mary the night off and cooking for us tonight?”

“Call for a takeaway. I don’t want you standing all afternoon just to make us dinner.”

“I could cook something simple?” I pouted, desperate to do something for him. Alex had been going non-stop these last few weeks, building our empire.

“Okay, if you really want to cook, but don’t tire yourself out, okay?” Damn, he was bossy! Nodding, I wrapped my arms around him, kissing him deeper. Alex backed me against the kitchen counter. “You are going to make me late for my meeting, Mrs. Harbour!” He chucked against my mouth, capturing my lips again.

I made my way to my poolside office once Alex had left. Liv was out with Shane doing a few errands. I’d been trying to distract myself as much as I could since I’d found out I was pregnant again.

Being positive was something I’d always been good at, but it didn't stop the occasional doubt creeping into my mind. I needed this pregnancy to be okay. Another loss would break me.

“Hey!” Liv called from the office door. “Mary said you might be here! Shane and I were thinking of going out to dinner tonight. Did you and Alex want to join us?”

“I’m cooking for him tonight.”

“Look at you! You’ll probably be glad to have the mansion to yourselves!” This place was so big that we hardly bumped into each other unless it was in the kitchen, but at least Alex and I could do whatever we wanted tonight. Mmm…pool table sex was always good!

“Yeah, you guys have a good night. Oh, I’ve emailed you Alex’s new logo. It’s to start the hype for the upcoming album.”

“Oh, okay! I’ll get that changed now. I’m halfway through the fan mail. That live performance of his has stirred the fans. There were over forty pairs of panties in the fan letters today.” Wow! That was a record! “There were some nice letters about you, as well. I’ve saved some for you to read later.”

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