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Matt came strolling in with his hands in his pockets, shocked at everyone sitting around our table. This is what it’s like having friends, asshole!
“I didn’t realise you’d all be here,” Matt said, grabbing the bottle of whiskey that Mason offered him as he took a seat next to him. “I didn’t know where else to go. No one else understands the bright star we lost today like you guys. Fuck! I can’t believe she’s gone.”
“Who’s going to insult us now?” Cody questioned, which got a low chuckle from most of the people around the table.
“I only saw her last week,” Matt commented, wiping his eyes before shooting a glance toward Alex and me. Wow! The guy actually had emotion? “We were talking about that prick's book coming out before mine.” Alex didn't so much as look in Matt’s direction, his mind was elsewhere. “She talked me down in the usual Milly fashion. Told me I was being a selfish asshole and needed to get over myself and this feud with Alex.”
“She was right,” Diego spat. “You are an asshole. Alex has apologised hundreds of times, trying to mend this situation. He’s moved on, so why the fuck can’t you? Milly and I had to watch Ness worm her way between the two of you. It was all a fucking game to her. Milly tried to tell you two idiots plenty of times that Ness wasn’t worth it. Did either of you listen? No, because you two are too similar! Milly and I knew Alex’s saving grace is that beautiful woman on his lap!” I wasn’t sure where all this honesty was coming from. Maybe it was all the emotion weighing heavily on our hearts. Milly’s death had made everyone around this table realise how fragile life was…that it shouldn’t be taken for granted.
“I was angry that Ness loved you and not me in her final moments.” Alex finally looked over as Matt confessed. “I’d had my suspensions about the affair for years. I saw the way she used to look at you…the longing in her eyes.”
“Why are you admitting this all now?” Alex questioned.
“Milly meant the world to me, too. Losing her, it made me realise grudges are fucking pointless. I’ve spent all these years hating you, when deep down, I hated myself more,” Matt admitted, not taking his eyes off the whiskey bottle he was drinking from.
“I tried to end it with Ness so many times,” Alex admitted. “I begged her to move on and be happy with you. It broke me, Matt—lying to you…going behind your back—but every time I tried to walk away, she pulled me in tighter.” With drugs and alcohol, I wanted to add, but remained like a statute on his lap as Alex spoke. “When I told her it was over, that I didn’t love her, I…I…never, for one moment, thought she would overdose. She wasn’t in that head space. Ness was angry, sure, and understandably so, but if I thought for one second that she’d do something stupid, I never would have left her!”
“You’re not the one who failed her, Alex.” Matt took another swig of whiskey. “I had it out with her that night, too. I’d found her letter about leaving me for you while you were breaking things off with her. She begged me to not let it affect the band, that it was over between the two of you for good. I couldn’t let it go, though. It was my fault Ness overdosed. The things I said to her…” He shook his thoughts away. “It wasn’t your burden to carry. I let it eat away at you completely out of spite. Spite that you were a better man than me. I read your book.” Alex was still silent, his hand making slow circles on my legs, perhaps to calm himself. “The pain Ness and I put you through, I…I had no idea. The triggers of your addiction. How close you came to death once the band split. Losing Milly like this…fuck! It shook me up, man. What if I’d never gotten to make amends with you? I had to tell you the truth, even if you hate me for it now. I deserve that! You’ve always been like a brother to me. It’s been easier hating you all these years than dealing with the low-life scum that I’ve become. Can you ever forgive me?”
“Matt, how could you have done that to him!” Diego looked like he might explode with rage. “You let him carry this guilt around with him for years! Get the fuck out of this house! You don’t deserve him! You don’t deserve any of us!”
“Diego,” Alex cautioned, shaking his head. “This feud has gone on long enough. We can do this…we can end this feud right here, right now, for Milly. She’s the one that brought us all together again.” Diego’s eyes grew wet once again, thinking of his friend.
“You really are a better man than me,” Matt sighed, finally looking Alex in the eye.
“If you forgive me, Matt, I can forgive you. Trust is a completely different thing, though. That shit has to be earned.” Alex had some form of emotion leaking into his voice.
“I understand that, Alex. In time, I hope to get that back, too. I…I’ve missed you brother.” The emotion in Matt’s eyes almost looked real.
“Milly would have loved to have seen this day,” Alex tittered. “We would have been on her talk show next week for an exclusive.”
Matt’s eyes glazed over. “Yeah…yeah, she would have.” Cody clapped his hands and suggested that we order some pizzas.
Alex ran his hands down my back. “I love you,” I whispered, pecking his lips. He gave me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Milly had slipped back into his mind.
We shared stories about her around the table until the early hours of the morning. By the time Alex and I went to bed, my eyes were so heavy that I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.
I dreamt of Milly that night. Her laugh and teasing tone. The last conversation we’d had about going on her talk show once Alex’s book was out. I’d lost a dear friend, but Alex, my beloved rock star, had lost one of the only family members he’d had back in those early days.
I had to do everything in my power to keep his darkness away…to make sure his demons didn’t summon him again. I only hoped I was strong enough to do it.
Chapter Fifteen
I was alone in bed when I woke up. Had Alex even slept last night? Sitting up to stretch, I could make out his silhouette on the balcony. I put my robe on and made my way outside to check on him.
There were dark circles under his eyes when he gazed in my direction from where he was standing against the railing. “Did you manage to sleep at all?”
“No, I kept seeing Milly’s face, then I started craving…” He stopped talking, but I knew what he’d been about to say. Alcohol had always helped with the pain in his earlier years, so it was no surprise that his body was craving it now. “I didn’t take a single sip, though. There were bottles left over from last night, but I got Mary to throw them away when I saw her this morning.”
“I wouldn’t have blamed you even if you had. Yesterday…well, it was an awful day.”
“I can’t believe she’s gone. Just like that, poof! and her light went out. They were already talking about what will replace her talk show on the news this morning. Can you believe that? It’s barely been a day!” Wrapping his arms around my waist, Alex pulled me tight into his chest. “It makes you realise how insignificant all this is. At some point we all become dust. My voice will live on through my music, but this body? It won’t be here forever. We have to make the most of each day.” Lifting my chin, he gazed into my eyes. “I’d be falling apart right now without you here.”
“We’ll get through it one day at a time…together. My heart is breaking, too. Milly…” I sobbed a little as her name escaped my lips. “I loved her, too. In the short time I got to know her, I quickly realised she was the best of all of us.”
“When you left after what happened with Maddison…” He winced saying her name. I still hated that bitch! “Millie told me to go after you. She even threatened to kick my ass if I didn’t. Diego and she begged me to stop you before you got on that plane. When I told her you were the girl at the stadium, she slapped me over the head, telling me what an idiot I was being.”
“Did you tell that story to Diego, too?”
