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“Yeah,” I sobbed, the tears flowing fast and thick down my face now. “I’m sure they’re all helping her settle in up there.”
“I miss her, Nat. I spent three hours listening to all the voicemails from her on my phone today. I can’t believe I’ll never be able to call her up and hear her voice again. Milly always caught me when I fell apart. She told me when I was being an asshole. How do I move on without her? She’s been in my life since I was sixteen! She was the sister I never had!”
“We take it a day at a time, and if you want to break down, you do it. If you want to scream and shout, I’ll be here. If you need to distract yourself or need some solace, you hold and use me, okay? If the book tour gets too much, we stop.”
“I fucking love you! I’d be on my fourth bottle of whiskey by now and calling my dealer if I didn’t have you. When Ness died, I went on a four week bender.” My heart ached at the thought. The images of a comatose Alex on the Steel Roses reunion tour a few years ago still haunted my thoughts. His cries for me when we locked him in his bedroom. Alex’s come down was the hardest thing I’d ever witnessed. Having to go through that again, it would kill me, but my rock star was always going to be an addict. Every day he fought the urge. Neither of us knew if Alex could fight those demons and win for the rest of his life. As hard as it was to accept, there might come a time when he slipped again. “Hey,” Alex cooed, snapping me from my thoughts. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing,” I lied, touching his face with the back of my hand. “Are you hungry? Mary is off this week, but I don’t mind making us something.”
“Your famous pancakes?” Alex grinned like a kid on Christmas morning.
“For dinner?” I chuckled at his childlike excitement.
“Yeah, it means we can have chocolate sprinkles on them.” I shook my head at him and laughed. Alex stood up, pecking my lips. This man and his chocolate addiction.
The start of the book tour was insane. I’d lost count of how many states we’d visited and which number interview we were on. Alex took it all in his stride, though. Truthfully, I think he enjoyed the distraction after Milly’s funeral last week. Our book tour publicist, Darren, was taking care of everything. I was simply along for the ride, and to provide company for Alex. Boston was our current city. Alex had finished the radio interviews, and we were heading to a private signing event with a few lucky fans that had won a meet and greet.
“You okay, Straight Lace?” Alex ran his hand through my hair. “After this meet and greet, we’ll go back to the hotel. Maybe we can order room service and have an early night?” Which basically meant I was in for an evening with Alex’s mouth all over my body. Sex always calmed him, and I was more than happy to oblige.
A small group of fans were waiting for him as the car pulled up to the venue for the meet and greet. It amazed me how they managed to figure out his schedule. Some looked as if they’d been waiting a while. Shane kept a close watch on Alex as he greeted them, taking pictures and signing all manner of things. Surprisingly, there were no tits to sign this time. I stood proudly, watching him. Alex was every part the rock star I’d fallen in love with decades ago. He didn’t miss a single fan that had waited outside for him. With a wave and a few kisses toward the crowd, his eyes found mine and he gave me a sly wink.
Inside, there were twenty fans gathered that had won tickets to the meet and greet. They were in a holding area while Alex did a short TV interview. When he was done, they were allowed to come over one at a time.
Steel Roses fans were such a diverse group of people. You had a few of the usual giggly girls that jumped up and down, screaming the whole time they got to meet him. The really shy girls who hardly said a word to him. The guys that basically wanted to be him. And my least favourite, the beautiful model-type girls that actually thought Alex would want them. I liked to call them ‘a Maddison!’ Alex was trying to pry a Maddison type from around his neck as I looked over. His searching eyes found mine, and I could almost hear his silent cry for help. Shane was busy trying to get the line in order so he wouldn’t be any help. To be fair, the woman was only a tiny thing. If Alex used his full force, he could have pushed her off easily. I suspected he didn’t want to hurt her.
“I love you so much,” the girl cried, clinging to his neck.
“Yep, you’ve told me that eight times,” Alex chuckled. “How about you let the next winner up to meet me now? You’ve hogged me for ten minutes.”
“I can hang around after. I’d love for you to take me back to your hotel. I’m a virgin, I want…”
“Whoa! Darling, I’m married now. Have you even read my book yet?” Alex used more force, pulling her off him as I reached them.
“No, I only entered this competition to get close to you!” This poor girl. She was completely obsessed with him. “I wore this outfit just for you, I even have…”
“No,” Alex stressed, putting his hands over his eyes. “I don’t need to see what you have under there.” I had to hide my snigger at Alex talking to her with his eyes closed. Shane was finally heading over after sorting out an argument in the line. “But they’re blue lace. I spent a fortune on them!”
“Alright, that’s enough,” Shane ordered as he moved her along. “You got an extra five minutes, don’t pout.”
“Alex! Alex! I love you,” she yelled as Shane escorted her away.
“You can look now,” I snorted. “She’s gone.” Alex peeked at me through his fingers. “Her blue panties were pretty hot. You should be sorry you missed them.”
Alex gave me a scowl. “The only blue panties I want to look at are ones on your sexy ass! Did you hear her? She hadn’t even read the book!”
“She must have been a Steel Roses fan. You know they're a little crazy about you,” I teased as the next fan made their way toward him. That got a smirk from his beautiful face.
“Stop distracting me,” he teased, licking his lips.
A few hours later, we were done and heading back to the hotel.
“Our flight leaves at eight in the morning,” Shane announced. “Darren has emailed the itinerary. He’s gone ahead to make sure everything is ready when we get there.” Tomorrow was the busiest day of the tour, and the place we’d all been dreading: New York, the place Milly lived and lost her life in.
Watching Alex swallow hard, I squeezed his hand, letting him know I was here. He wasn’t going to face any of this alone.
Chapter Sixteen
“Take a deep breath,” I soothed, watching Alex in makeup. Stress was radiating from him in waves.
