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“Then give me the terms, Quinn.”
I sucked in a breath and stopped pacing. I faced him, not knowing what to say. I knew I shouldn’t entertain the conversation, especially when I found myself not wanting my standard terms despite the need for them.
“I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t. And I’ll take care of you.”
“You’ve always taken care of me.”
He took another step closer, saying nothing, waiting as his eyes pleaded with me to speak, to tell him what I needed. It had my mind spiraling and questioning if we could make this work.
Mark was right; I often looked after others before myself and rarely took risks. And this was a risk. But I wanted him so much it hurt, despite having just orgasmed harder than I had in years. My body was screaming at me to let go, to take what he was offering. I’d already crossed the line with him, so I was tempted to jump over the rest of the way.
But…
“I’m scared,” I whispered into the heavy silence surrounding us. “I trust you, but…” I took a deep breath, my chest hurting being this vulnerable. “You’re half the reason I enjoy our work. I don’t want to do it without you.”
He nodded. “It can be just like you told Emory. Normal the next day. And even if it changes the dynamics a bit, we can work that out. We just have to want to. And fuck, Quinn, I want you. The things I’ve thought about doing to you...” His face showed his frustration and his fist tightened at his side, once, twice.
That gave me pause.
“Are you being serious right now? You’ve thought about being with me?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
He ran his fingertips from my shoulder and down my bare arm, pinpricks of electricity making my hair rise. He watched for my reaction before pulling me in.
“Thought about it. Dreamed about it. Fucking fantasized about it.” He closed the rest of the distance between us. “You’ve tormented me since the day I started at C&C. Those fucken skirts. They kill me. And you’d give me an order, and I’d grow hard picturing you using that voice on me in bed. Telling me what to do and how to please you.”
My mouth parted.
He leaned in, the fog from his whiskey-tinted breath mixing with the crisp winter night air, creating an intoxicating aroma that had my mouth watering. I wanted to breathe him in while I tasted that whiskey on my tongue.
His expression darkened further as he took my eyes hostage. I couldn’t look away if I tried. They were glued to his, and my breath halted as I waited for his next words, his next movement.
“Idreamedof the opposite. You following my orders, and fuck, that was almost hotter. You under my command. Doing as I said. Submitting to me and letting me control your pleasure.”
I dragged my eyes away, staring at the fairy lights sparkling in the snow-topped trees, unable to handle the intensity in his eyes after his words had set off an inferno of lust inside me. I felt like I was burning up, and I didn’t know how to respond.
My body screamed at me to say yes, to give in. But my mind still tormented me. No one had ever meant as much to me as Mark.
“I can’t lose you.”
His warm hands seemed to burn my chilled cheeks as they tilted my face up to meet his, not letting me look away.
“You won’t.”
My heart was racing and I was sure he could feel it. Our lips were inches apart, and mine itched with the need to close the distance. Taste him like I’d imagined doing so many times before.
“Why now? Why bring it up now?” I searched his face for answers. He seemed to be doing the same.
“Tonight’s the first time you ever showed me that you were interested. It’s never been like this before and I wouldn’t risk what we had until I was sure.” His eyes went to my lips and he licked his. I squeezed my legs together. “No matter how much I’ve longed for more. I need you in my life. One way or another.”
“This hasn’t been fake?”
“No,” he said. “Not one minute.”
“I thought you were just a good actor.”
“I’m not that good.” His gaze intensifies. “And if I finally fuck you, it won’t be fake, and it won’t be just tonight. There are so many ways I have imagined having you and I can’t settle for just one night.”
