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“I’ve just given you a get-out-of-jail-free card, and you’re going to throw it away?”
“I’m done cheating,” I reply, wiping my tears.
“Then what do you suggest?”
“I don’t know yet. But we’ll figure it out.Together,” I press, emphasizing the word. “We’re a stone’s throw away from Canada. We’ll cross international waters when we get there, and the police can’t touch us.” I latch onto Quinn’s hand, begging him to listen.
“Abi will come through for us. I know she will. When we get to Canada, we won’t be running. We can stay put and lay low until we figure out what to do next. But I can’t let you turn yourself in for me. Please, Quinn, don’t fight me on this. I would rather die than have you take the blame.”
I hold his hand over my beating heart, squeezing his fingers, hoping he sees reason.
“Okay?” I ask, waiting for his response.
Quinn nods, drawing me flush against his chest.
“Okay,” he replies.
“You’re crazy,” I whisper, shaking my head, our breaths mingling into one exhalation.
Quinn smirks. “I stick to my word, Red. I would kill for you.”
And I know he means every word.
I’ve never felt so many raw emotions as I do now.
You’d think crossing the border would equate to feelings of freedom and emancipation, but they don’t. In a way, I’m caged in another manner. I’m encaged in my past, and now that past is about to become my present.
“Are you okay?” Quinn asks as we drive our stolen pickup into Alberta.
“Ask me tomorrow,” I reply honestly, my eyes focused on the minivan in front of us as I blindly pat Lucky.
Quinn looks over and nods. Thankfully, he doesn’t push.
As we wait for the light to turn green, my eyes never waver from the bumper sticker in front of me.
“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” William Shakespeare
I’ve heard this quote before, but now it sings to me differently.
My quest for redemption has taken on so many different meanings. But now I realize I need redemption after all this is over. I want to redeem myself from all the awful things I’ve done in the past, andI’mthe only one who can deliver that salvation. Finding that new beginning is not in the stars but within me.
And that redemption starts now.
My heart begins beating frantically as we pull onto the street I’ve memorized by heart.
“I once heard this story,” Quinn says randomly as I twist my hands in my lap.
I look over at him, waiting for him to continue.
“About a little boy who just wanted to belong,” he continues as he chews on his lip ring.
“His whole life, he just wanted to be part of something humble, something good. And he couldn’t understand why his life wasn’t like everybody else’s. But the older he got, he realized that life isn’t anyone else’s to own. Life is what you make it. Family is what you make it,” he concludes, his eyes never leaving the road.
I know the little boy is Quinn, and I listen intently because this is the first insight he’s given me. Vague or not, I give him my full attention.
“What happened to the little boy?” I ask, realizing we’ve stopped in front of the place I’ve dreaded seeing.
Quinn turns to me as he shuts off the engine. “He grew up and realized that it’s okay to make mistakes because you’ve always got tomorrow to make amends.”
