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“I don’t need you to keep me safe,” she shouts back.“I need you to leave.”
Muttering obscenities beneath my breath, I head down the stairs.But even as I’m mentally calling this woman a cranky lunatic, something deep in my gut knows what this is really about.
Last night wasn’t just a fabulous one-night stand.It was hot as hell—yes—but it was also intimate and honest and real.Last night was the kind of night that’s the start of something more.It was the kind of night that makes you wonder if the reason none of your other relationships have worked out is because the universe had bigger plans for you.
Plans that include falling hard for a fabulous, funny, talented, secretly sweet and generous woman, whose broken heart only you can mend…
Okay, fine, I admit it, I have a thing about saving people.I like to be the guy who makes other people’s lives better, the opposite of my father, who destroyed everything he touched.
I grew up watching my dad hurt my mom and put my little sister in danger and feeling helpless to stop it.I was too small to fight back against a grown man.The best I could do was stay hyper-alert to signs of danger and make sure I picked baby Nora up and took her with me when I ran to hide.
And yeah, I get it, some people don’t want or need to be saved, but Mel needs me.She needssomeoneto give her pleasure and comfort.If she didn’t, she never would have said anything about how much she missed her son or her marriage last night.
Just like that, I know how to make this better.
I slow halfway through the living room, relaxing my tense hands and easing my shoulders away from my ears.I close my eyes, unclench my jaw, and remind myself that hurt people hurt people.I should know.I used to be one of those hurt people, the kind who didn’t know how to show my vulnerable underbelly without getting scared and lashing out at the people trying to help me.That’s why I teased Melissa when we were teens and told Gram to leave me alone when she offered to find me a therapist like the one my sister had been seeing since our parents abandoned us.
A part of me didn’t want to soften.I wanted to stay angry, stay hard.It seemed like the best way to keep all the pain at bay.If I focused only on my rage, I would never have to admit how much it hurt that the two people who were supposed to love me, no matter what, just…didn’t.
Thinking of the angry boy I was, remembering how hard it was to carry his aching heart around in my chest, I’m filled with a wave of compassion for Melissa.I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy, and Mel isn’t my enemy.In fact, when she’s not showing her feral side, she’s someone I’d be honored to call a friend.
I pause in the doorway to the kitchen, watching her fill the kettle with water at the sink.“Hey,” I say gently.“I’m sorry I kissed you while you were sleeping.Now that I’ve had a second to think about it, I understand how that could be scary.”
She spins, her eyes still blazing.“I wasn’t scared.”
“Are you sure about that?”I ask, careful to keep my tone calm and even.“I’ve never been through a breakup like you had with Ben, but I can imagine that must tear you apart inside.I bet it makes having feelings, even tiny little feelings, for someone else seem pretty scary.”
A rough laugh bursts from her lips.“Wow.”
I lift my hands in surrender.“I’m not trying to attack you or hurt you or judge you, okay?I’m just saying that I get it, and I’m happy to put the fight in the bedroom behind us.It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”
She sets the kettle down on the counter and sways toward me, a strange smile on her face.“And what happens then?”
I shake my head slightly, not sure where she’s going with this, but sensing it isn’t going to end well.That smile is scary, far scarier than my early morning thigh kisses.“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I mean, let’s say I forgive you for creeping around under my covers and make you breakfast and coffee.What happens then?Do you move home to Bad Dog to take me to dinner every Friday and help me meal plan on Sundays?Do we fuck again and if the fucking is still good, discuss letting you have a drawer in my room and a toothbrush in the bathroom?”
I blink and pull in a breath, already knowing my answer isn’t going to satisfy her.
But she knows that, too.That’s why she asked the question the way she did.
So, I do what I’m best at on the ice: I flip the script, forcing my opponent to play by my rules.“Actually, I thought you could move in with me in Minneapolis.Nothing’s official yet, but I’m this close…” I hold up a hand, my pointer finger and thumb a whisper apart.“…to being signed by the new NHL team there.Once the deal comes through, I’ll be getting an apartment in the city.We could pick it out together, make sure it has a good school system for Chase, solid work options for you, the whole deal.How does that sound?”
By the time I’m finished, her eyes are tiny blue slits.“You’re not funny.”
“I’m not trying to be funny,” I say, dropping the act.“I want to date you, but I don’t live in Bad Dog anymore, and I won’t be able to for a long time.You knew that when you kissed me last night.”
“I did,” she agrees.“Which is why you should have slept on the couch.But it doesn’t matter.We’d never work, anyway.The sex was fine, but we’re still the same people we’ve always been, and those people don’t get along.If they did, I wouldn’t have hated you for over a decade.”
“You don’t hate me.You hate that you want to kiss me again.”
“Fine,” she says, her eyes beginning to shine.“Yes, I hate that I want to kiss you again.I hate that I’m so weak and desperate for comfort that I let my walls down with someone I don’t trust.”
“Oh, come on, you can trust me, Mel.I promise, I—”
“I can’t, Aaron.”A tear slips down her cheek, breaking my heart.“I can’t.I’m too messed up right now.Too broken.I miss my kid and my husband and my life and everything feels like it’s falling apart.I’m not in a place to start anything and even if I were…”
She trails off, but her pained gaze tells me everything I need to know.
