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But I have no idea how to talk to her about this, this secret that weighs heavy on my shoulders, foretelling doom for my newest, most precious dream.
Chapter 19
Melissa
Dinner turns out beautifully if I do say so myself.Chase devours his balsamic chicken, sourdough rolls, and dirty green beans and asks for seconds, and Aaron makes happy eating sounds throughout the entire meal.
His happy eating sounds remind me of other happy sounds he makes during…other activities, but I do my best not to think about that.
Even if he needs surgery and will be sticking around Bad Dog for longer than expected —the reason I suspect he isn’t eager to talk about the results of his scans—he’s still only here temporarily.Soon, he’ll go back to his fast-paced, pro athlete life, I’ll return to my solo, small-town existence, and this brief interlude will be a thing of the past.
But it will be something I’ll remember far more fondly than I ever expected to when I first agreed to let Aaron stay with me.
Just sharing a meal together and snuggling on the couch with Chase to watch Finding Nemo is more fun than I’ve had in a long time.Everything feels so easy and relaxed with Aaron.He clearly adores Chase and Chase adores him—he insists on sitting on Aaron’s lap during the scary shark scene, instead of mine—and as I watch my son press a good night kiss to Aaron’s cheek after we brush teeth, my heart feels like it’s going to overflow.
Before Aaron, I couldn’t imagine Chase being as comfortable with another man as he is with his dad.Now, I can’t imagine him being this comfortable with anyone other than Aaron.
“He adores you,” I whisper after I’ve tucked Chase into the big bed in the ground floor bedroom.
Aaron smiles, a little sadly, I think.“Same.He’s such a good kid and I…” He trails off with a shake of his head.“I don’t know.”
“What?”I ask, mesmerized by the emotion on his face in the dimly lit room.If I didn’t know better, I’d think his heart was about to overflow, too.But it can’t be.He can’t understand the gratitude I feel, the hope so sweet it’s almost painful because I’ve lived without it for so long.
I know he cares about me, but Aaron has no idea what it feels like to have a marriage fail, to literally have the rug you count on to keep your feet planted on solid ground ripped out from under you.
I’m not even sure if he’s been in love before…
“When’s the last time you were in love?”I ask at the same moment he says, “It’s nothing.”
We laugh softly, nervously.
“The last time I was in love?”he echoes, his gaze caressing my face in a way that makes my chest ache.“I’m not sure.Things were getting serious with my girlfriend in Iowa a couple years ago, but when we broke up, I wasn’t as sad as I expected to be.I don’t think I ever let Madison in.Not really.”
“Well, her namewasMadison,” I tease as his face drifts closer to mine.
He tilts his head to the right, making my lips tingle.“Nora made fun of that, too.But Madison couldn’t help it that her parents had a thing for stripper names.Her little sisters were Destiny and Chantal.”
“Poor things,” I murmur, so certain he’s going to kiss me that I’m a little startled when he asks, “Do you mind if I take the first shower?”
“Oh, um…no, of course.I wanted to pack up leftovers for lunch tomorrow anyway.I’ll jump in after you.”
“Okay.”He takes a step back.“I’ll be quick.Or as quick as I can be.The doctor gave me clearance to take the sling off in the shower, and I’m excited to get under that armpit with something other than a wet wipe.”
I smile.“That does sound exciting.And encouraging, right?That you’re able to take it off for a little while?”
His tone is unreadable as he says, “I think so,” and he turns away before I can get a good look at his face.
Still, I can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong and that his appointment didn’t go as well today as he’d hoped.But there’s nothing I can do about that.I can’t even offer a sympathetic ear until Aaron is ready to talk, so I concentrate on things I can control.
Namely, banishing any evil spirits that might be lingering in the witch house.I haven’t felt any creepy vibes yet, but when it comes to spooky things, I’m a “better safe than sorry” kind of girl.
Fetching the sage smudge stick Tessa bought at the hippy store, I read the directions under the stove light and then flip on the front burner.I grab a small plate from the cupboard to catch any ash that might fall and take a beat to close my eyes and focus my intentions.
“I invite light, peace, and harmony into this home,” I murmur, feeling silly, but doing my best to hold the thought in my mind as I begin to circle the space.
Just like my mom always said: anything worth doing is worth doing right.I’m not sure she’d agree with that in this case—she’s too old-school Catholic to be on board with new age stuff—but I swear I can feel a change in the air as I move past the ground floor bedroom.I waft a little smoke in there to keep Chase in good vibes, then climb the circular staircase to the upstairs.
As soon as I step onto the landing, where two overstuffed armchairs flank a bookcase, creating a reading nook I want to sink into with a thriller and a coffee this weekend, a shiver runs up the back of my neck.
