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I blinked at him. “What do you mean, you understand?”
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I just... I’m surprised, that’s all.”
“I’m surprised, too,” I admitted. “It’s not like I wanted this to happen.”
He looked at me. “But you’re going to keep the baby?”
I nodded slowly. “I’ve thought a lot about it, and I want this child. I’m ready, even if you’re not.”
“Of course I’ll do anything you need. Pay for everything. We could get you a bigger place, one with two bedrooms, even three,” he started, and I rose a hand to stop him.
“I don’t think I want anything like that from you,” I said firmly.
“What? Why not?” Adam asked, looking pale.
“Because Adam. After spending a weekend together you just left, and then when you talked me into hooking up with you again, you broke things off. How am I supposed to trust you?”
Adam looked away sheepishly. “I guess you’re right. When you say it like that, I do sound like a jerk.”
“You were a jerk,” I said bluntly. “And I don’t know if I can expect you to be around for this baby or not.”
We were still standing just inside the door. “Can I come in and talk?” he asked, and I crossed my arms over my chest.
“You’re already inside,” I said. “This is far enough to keep you out of the rain.”
“You really don’t trust me, do you?”
My lip trembled. I couldn’t help it. “I don’t know how to, Adam. I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never been pregnant before, and now I just feel so alone and—” my voice cracked.I looked down at the floor, not wanting him to see the tears streaming down my face.
“Katie,” Adam said my name so softly that it just made me want to cry even more. He put his hand on my shoulder and I pulled away. “You’re afraid, aren’t you?”
“Of course I’m afraid!” I burst out, looking up at him with wet eyes. “I’m terrified of doing this all alone, and I don’t know how to do it without you. And I don’t trust you to do it with me.”
“This is different than whatever we had, Katie. This is a child. Our child. We’re going to do this together, no matter how you feel about me.”
I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I wanted more, that I wanted the four of us to be a family, but I knew it was too soon. Besides, I was telling the truth when I said I didn’t trust him. How could I after everything he’d put me through?
“What did you come here to tell me?” I asked, hoping that it might be something sincere.
“It doesn’t matter now,” he muttered. “All that matters now is this baby. I want to be a father to him.”
I cracked a small smile. “You think it’s a boy?”
He blinked. “Uh, I guess so,” he said, smiling. “I guess since I already have Colin, I figure that it will be another boy.”
“You can’t know that” I said. “It could be a girl.”
“Maybe she’ll have your pretty brown eyes,” he relented, and I looked away again, my heart feeling like it was doing backflips in my chest.
“I just don’t know how I’m going to do this,” I said quietly, and Adam nodded.
“I don’t, either, Katie, but please let me try and prove to you that I’m going to be there for you. And our kid.”
“Like a husband would?” I asked, knowing that it might scare him off. Adam made the same face he had before breaking things off, a grimace of sorts, and my heart dropped to my toes.
“I’m not ready for that,” he admitted, but at least he didn’t go cold again, didn’t run away. He stayed right there, looking into my eyes. “I need time, but what I do know is that I want to be inyourlife, not just our child’s. I want to be there for you in any capacity that I can be.”
I looked at him. It certainly wasn’t a romantic confession of love. It wasn’t a proposal. But it was something.
