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Addie thought for a moment. “Well, it just depends on if you trust him or not,” she said slowly. “Do you trust Adam?”
I thought about it for a long moment, and then shook my head. “I don’t trust him,” I admitted, my heart aching. “He was right about that. I don’t trust that he feels about me the way I feel about him.”
“What about the babies?” Addie asked.
“I want him in my kids’’ life. They deserve to know their father,” I told her. “But at the same time, I don’t think we can ever get back together.” It hurt so much to admit it, but I just wasn’t sure that I could ever trust Toby.
“Katie, don’t you think this is a strong reaction?” Addie asked quietly. “Do you think it could have something to do with your hormones?”
I pouted. “Maybe, but he needs to learn how to deal with that,” I said stubbornly.
“Who broke it off? Him or you?”
My shoulders slumped. “He did.”
“All because of Toby,” Addie said flatly. “Doesn’t it feel a little like Toby is still controlling your life? Couldn’t that be a reason that he lied to you?”
“Or a reason he told me the truth,” I pointed out, and Addie sighed.
“It’s hard,” she admitted. “I know that you have trust issues because of Toby, and that it’s hard for you. But he lied to you for months. He cheated on you. Why would he be telling you the truth now?”
“To warn me about Adam,” I said. “Maybe he’s changed,” I mused.
Addie scoffed. “He hasn’t changed, Katie. Don’t start thinking like that.” She paused. “You ’don’t still have feelings for Toby, do you?”
“God, no,” I groaned, my eyes widening in surprise. “I can’t stand Toby. I would never get back together with him.”
Addie sighed. “Thank God.”
“I can’t believe you would even think that” I scolded.
Addie sat up, looking at me. “I don’t know, Katie, it’s just that everything seems so upside down. You believing Toby over Adam, Toby being the one that broke you two up... I just don’t want you going down that path again.”
“I’m not,” I insisted, and I was telling the truth. I didn’t have any feelings at all for Toby. I didn’t even hate him anymore. I didn’t care enough to hate him. It was a revelation of sorts, to realize that about myself. "I’m over him.”
“That’s wonderful, Katie,” Addie said. “And so the question becomes: how do you feel about Adam?”
I thought about the first time we met, when I was still with Toby. I thought out our connection, how he’d flirted with me, how he’d looked at me. I might’ve have fallen in love with him back then.
“I think maybe I fell in love with him the night we met,” I said softly, trying not to cry again. “I think I’ve just fallen in too deep.”
“And you don’t think he’s fallen with you?”
“I don’t think he’s the kind of guy that falls,” I sniffed. “I think he keeps himself at arm’s length and there’s nothing I can do to change that.”
“What did Toby even tell you?” Addie asked, and I groaned, remembering that I hadn’t told her yet.
“He told me that Adam cheated on Colin’s mother.”
Addie stared at me. “But didn’t Adam say that they weren’t serious? That it was just a one-night thing?”
“He did, but now I don’t know who to believe,” I said mournfully, finally sitting up in bed.
Addie threw her arm around my shoulders and I was grateful for her touch, her presence. She really was a wonderful friend.
“I really think you should believe Adam,” Addie said. “And forget Toby’s bullshit.”
“I wish I could,” I admitted. “I wish I could trust him, but it’s just he’s so distant, Addie. He doesn’t stay over after sex, he doesn’t cuddle. ’I feel like when we’re not together, he doesn’t think of me at all.”
