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Fucking conquered.
ThirteenWINNIE
It’s been two whole days since Case saved my little sister, and she still hasn’t stopped talking about it, or ratherhim, every chance she gets. Understandably so, of course. When I think of the way he flung himself in front of her… Jesus. I may never sleep again.
That said, hero he may be, he’s still the same self-absorbed dummy he was last week, even if I am feeling a tiny bit softer toward him. Garrett might be a certifiable genius, but she’s still ten and not exactly subtle. I’ve already been subjected to “seventy-five things Case said that were super hilarious,” and we’ve only been home an hour. Unfortunately, I’ve got bigger fish to fry than my little sister’s crush.
I get paid tomorrow, so I’ve decided to take my siblings out to the taco truck for dinner. It’s mostly a treat for me, if I’m honest. A girl cannot live on chicken nuggets alone. Jesse texted he’d be here soon, so I’m Garrett’s captive audience.
What he doesn’t know is I’ve gotten yet another call fromPrincipal Butler about him skipping class. Final,finalwarning and all that. The “we really mean business this time” kind. I’ve been thinking of ways to bring it up all day, and the best I’ve come up with istaco truck.
I tried to talk to my dad about it early this morning when he got off work, but he seems to think it’s not a big deal. Or rather, it’s not a big deal forhim.
“Let him get his GED, Winnie. I can’t force him to go to school. What do you want me to do?”
“How about ground him? Take away his phone? Return the calls from the school? Anything!”
“And how do you expect me to enforce any of that? We all know I can’t follow up on anything with my work schedule.”
“Dad, you’ve been working the third shift for over ten years. You have to have some seniority there. Can’t you apply for a daytime shift?”
His eyes turned steely. “I like the night shift, Win.”
That’s what it always comes down to in the end. My dad likes the night shift. I’m sure a small part is he’s been a night owl for decades, but it’s more likely he doesn’t remember how to be a parent, and third shift allows him to avoid it. By default of his paychecks, he puts food on the table and keeps the lights on, and that’s enough to soothe his conscience. That and the extra layer of avoidance on the weekends when he pisses away the rest of his time and money at the VFW with his buddies. To be honest, itwasfine for a while. I was handling things—until now. Now it’s not fine. Now I need him to step up and be a parent, but it seems like he saw my early graduation as an end date for him. An “Oh, good. Winnie can take care of everything now.”
And I just… always have.
I have no disillusions about my parents. My mom had big plans for her life, and kids were never in the picture. Why she kept having them is a mystery, but it came to a head when she was pregnant with Garrett. At least she waited until Garrett was born before she left. She’s never even sent a postcard, like they do in the movies. She could live the next town over for all I know. It used to upset me, but I haven’t had a whole lot of time to dwell on it, and why should I? She chose to leave us. Good riddance. Fuck off.
My dad is another issue altogether. He’s absent for sure, but he doesn’t resent us the way she did. He just doesn’t have a clue what to do with three kids and hasn’t ever cared enough to figure it out. Every now and again, we’ll have a Sunday afternoon together and he’ll be affectionate and fun and present, and for that brief period of time, we feel like a normal family. It’s almost worse because you see the potential of what could be—what our family might’ve looked like if she’d stuck around or if he’d tried. I sort of hate those days. They fuck with my head, and more than that, they fuck with Jesse and Garrett. Every time, it takes longer and longer to recover from the tease.
I know what people think about us:Those poor Sutton kids.I can hear it in their hushed voices in the school office, or in the principal’s tone when he calls to warn me about Jesse. I can see it in Camilla’s gaze when she recognizes Garrett hanging around the stables. Even in Case’s expression when I lost my shit over Walmart shoes.
They aren’t wrong. It’s not easy being us. But it’s also the way it’s always been. Do I realize not everyone lives this way? Yes. Do I wish it were different? Fuck yes. But wishing doesn’t do anything. I can’t force my dad to get his shit together. I can’t drag my mom back here and make her care about us.
All I can do is my best:Ihave my shit together.I’mhere.Icare about us.
I’ve been doing some research, and thereissomething I could do that would allow me to have more of a say when it comes to Jesse’s bullshit. But with that comes more responsibility, and I’m not completely sure I want it. It’s a commitment.
But also, it’s not like I’m going to leave them, anyway, so…
There’re lights in the drive, and I see Jesse get out of a car I don’t recognize. I do recognize the driver, though. It’s a kid named Pax, who was in my year in school. According to Case, Jesse is dating his little sister, Chelsea. Pax opens his car door and stands, waving in a familiar, friendly kind of way. I swing open the front door, letting Jesse in.
“Hey, Winnie Sutton, long time no see!” Pax shouts from the drive.
“Hi, Pax. Thanks for driving Jesse home.”
He gives me an easy smile and says, “No problem. You guys have a great night!” before turning to duck back in his car.
I turn to Jesse, closing the door behind me. “I didn’t know you needed a ride. I could have picked you up.”
“I didn’t,” he says, sullen as, well, healways isthese days. “Pax offered to drive.”
I change tack. “Any homework? I thought we’d go out for tacos tonight. Garrett is starving.”
He brightens. “I’m hungry, too.”
“Great,” I say. “Then we can go whenever your homework is done.”
