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There’s something so matter-of-fact about his response, that because I’m doing it, of course he would too. I feel my annoyance immediately melt away.
I still have a half hour before I need to get ready for bed. I pick up my phone to read my web novel. Instead of settling in the corner of the couch, I snuggle up next to Nathaniel. His body tenses and I watch as his character on screen take a few hits, but then he relaxes, adjusting his arm so that I’m more comfortable. We remain like that for the next half hour.
At Joah the following morning, I tell Director Ryu and Secretary Park about Hyemi and my cameos in Sun’s drama.
“The timing works out,” Secretary Park says. “The ASAP members are supposed to take the day off before the showcase anyway.”
I don’t bring it up to Hyemi until after she’s finished dance practice with the other members.
“Are you sure it’s all right that I’m in the episode?” she asks, fiddling with her bracelet. We’re sitting in the same room where I’d met her for the first time. Since then, she’s gotten a stylish haircut and gained some healthy weight after working with a nutritionist and personal trainer. “I don’t have any acting experience.”
“It’ll be a small role. A cameo.” In a text this morning, Sun had said the drama’s writer had agreed to write in a part for Hyemi. “Nathaniel and I also don’t have any acting experience.”
“But you’ll be a natural,” she insists. I smile at her indulgently. At least one of us has confidence in me. “Seonbae, I’ve been wanting to ask you...” She twists her bracelet around her wrist. It’s a braid of colorful strings woven together in a continuous loop. “How do you feel that you’re trending as a couple with Nathaniel-seonbae? It must be burdensome.”
My heart warms at her concern. Itwouldbe burdensome to be paired so publicly with a stranger, or worse, someone I felt uncomfortable being associated with, but...
“I’m fine,” I say truthfully. Now that I know there isn’t a scandal brewing, I’m feeling much calmer about the situation, though there are still the negative comments that give me anxiety.
“Seonbae, have you ever had a crush on someone in the company?”
My eyes widen, startled by her question. “Why do you ask? Is there someone you like?”
I try to go through the possible candidates. There’s Youngmin,who’s the same age as her and is also her classmate at SAA. And then Jaewoo, who was on Team Student Council with her and who I know she admires. There are also Joah’s other trainees, who I’ve grown somewhat familiar with, if only because I’d seen Director Ryu’s potential “teams” for future groups. One of the top trainees, a boy of Malaysian descent, is particularly cute.
She shakes her head. Quickly. Too quickly.
Hyemi has a crush.
I feel giddy at the thought. “You don’t have to tell me who, just know that I support you.”
She giggles. “Thanks, Eonni. Is it true that dating is forbidden? My father’s lawyer looked over the contract and it didn’t say anything about it.”
“It’s not,” I tell her. “It’s just tricky because of reactions from the public, especially for younger artists who don’t have as many fans to support them yet. But Joah isn’t as strict as other companies,” I add when I see her expression fall. “There are Joah artists who date.”
I think of Jenny and Jaewoo, who had a scandal early on in their relationship when a photo was leaked of the two of them. Joah stood behind Jaewoo, releasing a statement that didn’t confirm or deny the relationship but stated they would take action against any defamatory articles.
“Really?” Hyemi’s eyes are wide. “Who?”
“I can’t tell you that,” I chide.
She sighs. “You’re a good friend, Eonni.”
Nathaniel has a project for his class, so I go for a run later that night. It rained earlier, and the streets have that distinctive after-rain smell. I jog past an older man collecting bottles and cans with a grabbing tool, dropping them into separate bags for glass, plastic, and other waste. A woman putters by on her motorbike, a dog tucked snugly into her backpack, its eyes closed and tongue wagging. All of the businesses are closed, except for the convenience store, glowing like a beacon on the dark corner.
As I run, I mull over my conversation with Hyemi. It’s true that Joah has been more lax with the idea of their idols dating in the past year, ever since they took the stance of protecting Jaewoo’s relationship. The expectations around idols dating in the industry has changed too, with more and more fans supporting their favorite idols rather than turning their backs on them, like they have in the past.
If the industry had been like it is now two years ago, could Nathaniel and I have kept our relationship? Since the atmospherehaschanged, could we enter into a relationship now?
I’m surprised at the turn of my own thoughts. I never thought I’d ask myself these questions. For one, there’s the promise I made to my mother, and I’ve never broken a promise to her.
And yet circumstances have changed since that day, not just with Joah’s stance on their idols dating but also the status of my mother’s company. With the success of XOXO, Joah has become a company that others in the industry respect. Because of how my mother has led Joah, she’s winning the Trailblazer Award at the EBC Awards. And now with the debut of ASAP, she’ll prove to anyone who might have doubted her that she isn’t going anywhere.
The matter of Nathaniel and me seems so small in comparison...
I slow to a walk until I stop entirely, dropping my hands to my knees to catch my breath. I’ve run as far as the neighborhood playground. A slide set with swings sits atop a blue cushioned ground covering. I head over to the bottom of the slide, sit down, and pull up my feet. Pillowing my back against the slide, I take out my phone. The screen emits a low glow as I press the contact for the only person who knows better than anyone what it’s like to date an idol.
Jenny answers on the third ring. “Sori?” Her face appears on the screen. There’s a shuffling commotion as she drops her phone. I briefly view a high ceiling before she picks it up again. “Whoops,” she says, breathless.
