Page 131 of City of the Dead


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“We don’t, Sean.”

“Sorry, then,” he said. “So even though you referred me…”

I’ve learned to look at referrals as a form of foster-parenting. Do your best to find the right people, be available if you’re needed, but otherwise let go.

I said, “When I didn’t hear otherwise, I assumed everything was going well.”

“Oh, it is, it’s going great.” His hands clenched. “Okay. Now I’m going to ask something else that I hope you don’t take the wrong way.”

“Do Milo and I talk about you.”

He gaped. “Yes! Exactly. I mean if you do, I understand. You guys go way back and I know—I get that if you did, the reason would be to help me.”

“We don’t discuss you, Sean.”

“You don’t. Okay.” He stood. “That was quick, huh? Sorry for wasting your time.”

I remained in my chair. “What are you really concerned about, Sean?”

He flinched. Sat back down.

“Okay— I get that you’re not my official therapist but could we talk and it would still be confidential?”

“Of course.”

“It’s not like I want to keep secrets from Loot. He’s been great, I appreciate that he looks out for me. It’s just that…I don’t want to sound ungrateful…”

I said, “You feel he’s being overprotective.”

Wry grin. “You’re reading my mind, today, Doc.”

Easy with an open book.

He said, “Yeah, I do feel that way. Ever since the…no sense beating around the bush, when you saved my life, Doc. You know how I feel about that. We’ve talked about it.”

I nodded.

“I couldneverrepay you, Doc. I’meternallygrateful.”

“I was happy to be there for you, Sean.”

“Must’ve been terrifying for you.”

“A lot more so for you, Sean. So, in terms of Milo…”

“Okay,” he said. “Here’s the deal. When the department cleared me to return, I figured I’d be back in the swing. But I haven’t exactly been swinging, Doc. It’s not like I’ve been discriminated against. Overtly. Loot’s assigned me to surveillance and other stuff, at some level I’m doing the job. But there’s been way more paperwork than before. Which is fine, if that’s what’s really needed. The problem is, and maybe it’s my imagination, I don’t think that’s the reason. I think I’m being kept away from what the department calls potentially confrontational situations.”

Nothing like bureaucratic verbiage.

I said, “You feel you’re being shielded from danger. Like watching Conrad Deeb. Like getting actively involved in his arrest.”

“Exactly, Doc, exactly! This guy is a violent psycho lunatic, so, sure, I can see where Loot’s coming from. Because let’s face it, the last time I got into a situation with one of those, I…but I learned from that experience, Doc, and the way I see it is nothing will rehab me better thanembracingdanger and doing a better job of handling it. I’vethought it through a million times and I feel I’m ready. Dr. Daschoff agrees. He says no one knows the inside of my head better than I do and I say I’m ready.”

“First of all, I don’t think you did anything wrong, Sean, and neither does anyone else.”

“Maybe,” he said. “But let’s face it, if you weren’t there—okay, fine, whatever. The main thing is I learned from it. I’m on my guard and ready and I need to get back on the job a hundred percent. To be treated like Moe and Alicia. Like anyone else.”

“I agree, Sean.”

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