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“Because I am. That is the perfect description of me. Miserable, only capable of doing the same thing over and over, and terrifying to absolutely anybody who beholds them. Now let’s talk with that in mind,” he said, and oh god, he was serious, he was absolutely serious.
He really did think that described him perfectly.
And the worst part was she couldn’t even argue.
Because it kind of did fit, once she’d thought about it for a second.
“If we talk with that in my mind I’m likely to end up hiding behind your sofa,” she said, and couldn’t even stop the wince that definitely darted across her face. Because really, was that the kind of thing she wanted him to know? That she was evenmore of a soft little scaredy-cat than she already seemed? No, it was not. Now he was definitely going to do her in.
Probably with a scathing insult, she thought.
And got this instead:
“You can’t go behind my sofa. I don’t even have one.”
As if that made sense. Or mattered.
Or didn’t seem like another insult aimed in his own direction, somehow.
Because it did. He looked disgusted with himself as he said the words. Then he seemed to tut, and shake his head, as if he couldn’t quite believe he was that sort of person. Though what kind of person he thought he was, she couldn’t say. All she knew for sure was that she had to find out.
“Oh my gosh, why do you not have a sofa?” she asked.
But he didn’t answer her directly. Or at all, really.
“Tell me you didn’t use the wordgosh.”
“I will when you answer the question.”
He sighed. “I’ve no idea what the question even is now.”
“Don’t give me that. I only asked it five seconds ago.”
“Yeah, but you’ve got me all turned around again. Which is especially cruel of you, considering I’m also trying to deal with eyeballs that are about to explode.”
He touched them delicately.
Like the fool he was.
“Your eyes are not about to explode. In fact, they should be barely hurting at all, because I got so frightened about blinding someone that most of what’s in here is water,” she said. Then she held up the can of pepper spray to illustrate.
Like a game show host showing the contestant what they could have won.
But he didn’t respond how she expected him to.
He didn’t look embarrassed, or rueful.
Instead, he looked almost perturbed.
Which seemed mad for someone like him. And it only got madder from there. “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said. “Listen,right, if some fucker comes out of the darkness at you, you don’t worry for one single solitary second about blinding him. Worry about normal things, like where you’re going to dump his body after I stab his fucking face out.”
And yeah, everything he’d just said made sense.
But god, it was sense that seemed to be coming out of Alfie Harding.
Worse than that: it was sense coming out of him even though he was talking abouthimself. “But the person who came out of the darkness was you,” she said. Because honestly, at this point, she was too puzzled to do anything else. Even though she kind of wanted to. In fact, if she was being honest, most of her felt like patting him on the back. But then he said:
“That is technically correct, yes.”
