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Because god, he’d brushed his hair out of the side part. Now it was all thick and curly and soft looking, exactly the way she apparently liked. And he was just standing there, staring at her through the semidarkness, with eyes that seemed just a little bit vulnerable. Like he too knew what they were going to do and wasn’t exactly certain that they should do it.
Or able to believe that she thought it was a good idea.
Though it still shocked her when he voiced that very thing.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked. Like she could read his mind now, somehow. And maybe he could read hers, just a little bit. Because god knew, she was having doubts. Lots of them. Starting with how the fuck she was supposed to cope withthatlaid next to her all night.
But of course she couldn’t tell him that.
She had to be light, and reassuring, and not like someone who was trying her damnedest not to notice the heavy shape of a cock through a pair of sweatpants. “Absolutely I am,” she said. “I mean, it’s not like anything is going to happen.”
“Right. Because we are rational adults. Who have made the choice to not.”
“Exactly. We’ve said that things went too far. That we just got swept up by good kissing. And the fallout from good kissing. Now we can be sensible and describe exactly what our boundaries are and then easily maintain each one.”
“My thoughts exactly. The boundaries are there, and we will abide by them.”
“We will. We totally will. I can already feel how much we’re going to.”
Lies, her brain hissed at her.
But she didn’t know how right it was, until she was in bed, and he lifted the covers. Until she felt that slight exposure, with just a hint of his gaze briefly on her. Then the dip of the mattress, usually so mundane and routine andnow I guess we get some sleep. Only not here, no, not here, oh here it felt so strangely portentous.
And then she felt him.
Just a little, just the barest brush of his thigh, his forearm, his shoulder.
But even the barest brush seemed agonizing now. It was fat with the promise of more. Of his breath, ghosting against the nape of her neck or the curve of her shoulder. Of an accidental touch in the night, maybe slick with perspiration and almost too hot to stand. Definitelytoo hot to stand, she thought, considering contact was already like this.
Because she could feel the heat from him, no question.
It rolled off him in a wave and ran right over her.
She was practically suffocating, before she’d even tried to sleep.
Not to mention all the other stuff that was apparently going on with her.
Christ, it felt as if her whole body were one big nerve. Like he could just blow on her, and she’d do some very inadvisable things. Things that she didn’t even know if he would welcome. Because sometimes it seemed like he did and would. But other times he just seemed furious about the whole business. Like shewas triggering something in him, somekink for horny womenissue, and it made him lose all the control he clearly wanted to hold on to.
So it seemed best to make sure he did actually hold on to it.
Or at the very least, that she didn’t do anything that meant he couldn’t.
Even if saying it was kind of embarrassing. “You know, maybe we should put something between us. Just in case,” she blurted out, into the dark, stifling air. Then got exactly what she expected: the sound and feel of his head turning sharply.
“In case of what? I roll over and accidentally put my dick somewhere?”
“You saysomewherelike it might end up in my armpit.”
“Well, maybe it would. I don’t know how you like to sleep.”
“Then let me be the first to tell you I never do it halfway down the bed, with my arms inexplicably raised above my head,” she said, and kind of expected that to be the end of it. Mostly because she could feel him trying not to laugh.
He got ahold of himself in the end, however.
“Even if you don’t, it could still happen,” he said.
And now somehow it was her turn to be on the back foot.
