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Not when she needed to spell out exactly why this was all confusing to her.

“Yeah, I think you’re going to have to say it. Because most of the time I have no idea what is going on here. And I definitely have no idea what you’re thinking about it all, at any given moment. I mean, sometimes it seems like I’m just making you do this, and not that you actually would like to on any levelwhatsoever. And others it seems as if you just want it, desperately, no matter what I happen to be doing at the time,” she said, and did it all while staring straight ahead.

Only to get him turning her face with his hands.

So she had to see him looking exactly as she’d imagined:

Flushed, and foggy-eyed, and fuckinghungry. Oh god, he looked hungry.

And when he spoke, his voice just sounded so hot and hoarse and low.

“Then you should probably know: you never make me, and I always like to, and right now I definitely desperately want it, even though all you happen to be doing is taking my notebook, while sitting next to me in a frankly ridiculous outfit,” he said, and honestly she wanted to respond with calm dignity. She wanted to act like it was no big deal. But he was still holding her and still looking at her and he’d used the wordsalwaysanddesperatelyandwant, and so instead of doing anything remotely reasonable, she just sort of lost her fucking mind. Like he’d lifted the only thing that had been holding her back, the only fence she had around her desire, and now all that was left was this:

“Then maybe we should do something about it.”

But the worst part was: she could tell it thrilled him to hear it.

She saw it flash through those midnight eyes like a lightning strike.

So when he said:

“Yeah. Like you moving away from me.”

It didn’t help. It didn’t put the brakes on things.

Because there were no brakes at this point.

He’d removed them by making things clear.

Now they were in a car careening out of control.

And even wilder: she was kind of enjoying it.

“Or, and hear me out now, I could stay right here.”

“If you stay right here I’m gonna try it on. You get that, right?”

“I do. And honestly I feel like it might be a good idea.”

“Explain to me how it would, exactly.”

Because I apparently want to crash and burn, she thought in response. But of course, she couldn’t say that. She had to come up with something more reasonable. More rational. Less governed by the fact that two seconds ago he’d told her he was going to try it on with her, like she was just that irresistible.

And she had something, too.

Something that felt right to her.

Even if it was also just a little bit bonkers.

“Well, it might get it out of our systems,” she said. Only weirdly, once she had, it didn’t sound quite as bonkers as she’d thought. In fact, it didn’t sound bonkers at all. It just seemed like a chance to get whatever she was needing, without ending up exploding at the bottom of a cliff. It was all the hot sex, but with a handy exit strategy that could occur before they got to the torturedbut you could never really be my actual girlfriendpart. And even better:

He didn’t seem immediately adverse.

He just looked briefly shocked.

Then curious.

“So your system is also experiencing a high volume of lust traffic right now?” he asked. As if he had no more clue about the state she was in than she had about the state of him. They were both apparently just fumbling in the dark, trying to find a way through whatever all this nonsense was.

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