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It hit her harder than the sex had. Than the kissing had. Than all the times he’d done similar things prior. As if her eyes had been forced open, and now all she could see was how much he meant to her.
And how desperate she was to tell him so.
I love you, she thought again.
But this time it wasn’t just for herself.
It was aimed at him. It tried to shine out of her face and push past her lips, and only the last shreds of her sense kept the words inside. They clung on, with just the tips of their fingers. But even as they did, she could feel them losing their grip. Give it another thing like that, another touch of his hand, another hint of his soft feelings toward her, and it would be done.
And she knew it.
It was obvious now.
Though she tried to deny it just a little longer.
She let him take her hand again as they left the car.
And say that she looked lovely on the way in.
Then he closed the door behind them, and he turned to her, and she thought blankly:He is going to lean in to kiss me, and when he does I will simply let it out. Like someone realizing they were about to killed by an oncoming car. So just before it could hit, she swapped the words she couldn’t help saying.
For ones that would stop all this before it could.
“Alfie, please no, I can’t,” she gasped out.
And to his credit, he immediately backed up.
That kiss he’d been about to give her turned into hesitation.
Then concern when he saw how she looked. Because sheknew the way it must seem: like she was suddenly falling apart. Her hands were in her own hair before she could control them; her forehead felt like it had been split down the middle. And even though she was fighting hard to breathe slowly and evenly, it wasn’t working. She sounded close to hyperventilating.
So of course the first thing he said was:
“Oh god, what did I do wrong?”
As if he’d punched her, somehow, without knowing it. Which was good in one way, because it had immediately given her the space she needed. But terrible in another, considering he hadn’t done anything of the sort. It wasn’t his fault that she was inexplicably falling in love with him and frantically trying to hide it. He was just here minding his fucking business.
And that meant reassuring him. Right now.
In a way that didn’t somehow make things worse.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Alfie,” she tried.
But she could tell it hadn’t worked before he even replied.
“I clearly did. So just tell me what it was that you didn’t like.”
Being in love with you when we’re supposed to be casually fucking our way out of nuclear-level lust, she thought at him. Then thankfully managed to say something much more reasonable. “You didn’t do anything that I didn’t like. You never do anything that I don’t like. That’s kind of the entire problem.”
“So then you want to hate it. You’re upset that it wasn’t awful enough.”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. I just feel a bit overwhelmed right now.”
“Well, that’s all right. Let’s just have a nice cup of tea so you—”
She held up her hands before he could finish that thought. She had to, before he got her back to the scene of the last sexy thing they’d done. And then made her want to do it all over again. “No, godno, I don’t want to do that, either.”
“Why? What did Tetley’s do?”
