AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Well, now that this is all done.”
“But it isn’t all done. I’ve not finished.”
“Oh, you’re just being modest. This here thing Alfie sent over is as complete as I can imagine anything being. Though he did say you might fuss, so I’m to reassure you that everything is in order and there’s no need for you to do a single other thing. In fact, he was quite adamant on that point.She needs some peace, so you just let her bewere his exact words,” Beck said. Then he shook his head, like wasn’t that just the darnedest thing. Before adding,in that sameaw-shuckscasual-as-can-be kind of way, “Boy, is he ever protective of you. I about swooned myself.”
And after that, she didn’t quite know what to do with herself.
She sort of wanted to yell at him that none of this could be true.
But he’d said it so breezily, so matter-of-factly, so like she already knew, that there was no way to do it without seeming utterly mad. Or even worse: like she needed relationship counseling for a relationship she’d never actually had. He might try to console her, and oh god, that would just be so horrible when she barely even understood what he’d be consoling her over.
Because seriously, what had happened here?
She hadn’t written nearly enough to make a three-hundred-page book.
Heck, she wasn’t even sure if there was enough to make a one-hundred-page book.Maybe he cleaned up your notes and filled in a few more blanks and got it to a number they were willing to accept, her mind patiently explained. But her mind was a fool if it thought that helped. There was no way it could help when all it did was tell her he’d decided to cut all contact with her dead. He’d drawn a line under it.
And not even in a way she could be mad at.
Because how could you be mad when it made so much sense?
When it had gone the easiest it could possibly go for her? He’d even framed it like it was mostly done to protect her peace. And she could well believe that he believed that, too. So what on earth could she possibly do? There was nothing to say. Nothing that could be changed. If she tried to go back on it now it would only be worse.
But god, the way it hit her to know that.
How it stung her anyway, no matter how much she tried to see the good in it.
And she knew why, too. She understood fully, in that moment, sitting in Beck’s cheery office while trying not to fall apart, what was destroying her inside. It wasn’t just that she could never be with the man she loved. It was knowing that she’d losther friend. Her good, good friend—one of the best she’d ever had.
He was gone. He was just gone.
She could never now have even that little thing.
And oh, that was just too devastating to bear.
But especially in front of Beck.
“You know, I just remembered I have to go,” she said, and even as she did she could feel the tears in her voice. If she waited even one second more he was going to hear them, or see them, and she couldn’t deal with that. There was no way to explain to him, and even if there had been she wasn’t sure she would have wanted to.
It was always better if nobody knew you were in pain.
Or saw the real insides of you.
Because the moment they did, things like this happened.
You had a nervous breakdown in someone’s office.
And would then spend the rest of your life never being the same again.
Group Chat, April 22, 2022
mabiebabieisnotokay
You guys, I think there’s some stuff I really need to talk to you about.
Post from the Reddit Sub r/hardingsarmy, January 3, 2023
