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“You don’t sound so sure about that,” she said, with as much aloofness as she could muster.
“Because I’m not. Technology is a terrifying mystery to me. One time I tried to install a computer update and accidentally committed a massive cybercrime. Next day MI5 were on my doorstep, wanting to know what I had against the government of Norway,” he said. And then he seemed to pause. Most likely to give her a chance to take a breath, instead of holding it in the way she was doing. Only then he just stole it, all over again: “So, you know, if you’re ever wondering why you can’t open any documents I send you, it’s because I still use Windows 95.”
Because of course she knew what he meant.
But it was so nuts she had to ask anyway.
“And what documents would you be wanting me to open?”
“You know. Book ones. If you agree to do it, that is.”
“So you still want to continue with me as your ghostwriter?”
“Of course I bloody do. Isn’t that what I just said a second ago?”
“Sure. But it sounded so mad I was sort of worried I’d hallucinated it.”
“Well you didn’t. It was real. In fact, I’ve no idea why you’d think it wasn’t.”
“Because I did a bunch of things that should have put you off ever even wanting to talk to me again. Never mind still wanting me to write your life story. I mean, I stormed out of our first official meeting. And then when the second one happened, I ignored you, ran away, and made your eyes bleed.”
She held her breath on the end of that one.
For a different reason, though. A more fear-based one.
Like,nowhe was going to snap. Her list of transgressions demanded it.
Though he didn’t seem to know that.
He just grabbed his eyes.
“Oh my god, they’re not really bleeding, are they?” he groaned out.
Because he was weird, oh god, he was so weird.
And possibly in a really brilliant way that she didn’t know how to cope with.
It made her want to laugh, even though laughing seemed wrong and too much. After all, he wasn’t being funny. And she didn’t actually feel comfortable enough to giggle at him like the frothy confection he obviously thought she was.
Yet somehow it was really hard to fight.
She had to crush it down hard before she spoke.
And it was still there in the background when she did.
“Of course not. I just said that for dramatic effect,” she said in a far too amused-sounding way. Luckily, however, he didn’t seem to notice. He just carried on feeling for eye blood, while saying yet more wildly and unintentionally funny things.
“I take it that’s a fancy way of saying lies that strike terror into my heart.”
“Not exactly. I mean I didn’t even think you could feel terror, to be honest.”
“Of course I can. And especially over my eyes. I need them to see things.”
Oh Lord, but he was testing her now.
And on purpose, she was starting to suspect.
Because even though he said that last part in as deadpan away as all the rest, there was a hint of something else there, too. A little twist on the end, like he suspected she was finding him funny. That he had her, somehow.
