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She didn’t know why, however.
He’d hardly helped himself with that.
“So that’s your excuse for doing this, then.” She snorted.
But surprisingly, he shook his head. He sagged and sat back on his heels.
And then he just said: “I don’t have an excuse for doing this.”
At which point, she couldn’t help it.
She had to go a little bit softer.
“Well, at least tell me why you did it.”
“As if I have the first fucking clue. Mabel, I don’t know why I do anything. A fact that you well know after the meeting debacle. And the phone call debacle. And the restaurant debacle. And the Starbucks debacle.”
She rolled her eyes. “I get it. You have a lot of debacles.”
“Yet you’re surprised this happened.”
“Well, this is a lot worse than the others.”
“How is it any worse than me looking like a stalker?”
She sighed. God, he could be such a fool sometimes.
So straight down the line and single-minded. “Because I was the only person who even remotely thought you were, you great lummox. It took ten seconds to work things out and make things right. But we are never going to be able to make this right, because you’re about to be onLook Northscreaming that you love me while trying to murder two people for daring to deny it.”
And then here it was again: that focus on all the wrong things.
“Hold your horses there, I never tried to murder anybody,” he said.
So now she had to patiently explain. She had to sit up, and slide out from between his bloody legs, and spell it out. Quite possibly using hand gestures. “But you did do the other thing, Alfie. You did the other thing. The thing that is even madder than murdering people.”
“Oh, come off it, loving someone is way less mad than that.”
“Yes, you’re right, it is. But not if it’s impossible that love could ever happen with that person. If love between you and them is less likely than a billionaire actually doing something useful for humanity. Then it’s just bloody bonkers.”
That got him, she thought. She saw it go in, just as he was about to say something. And it stopped him cold. His mouthclosed back up again; his gaze turned inward. Then that line between his eyebrows deepened, as he seemed to wrestle with what she’d said. To maybe deny it a bit before he accepted it as true. Though even after he had, she could see he still wanted to fight.
Just a little bit, and on a different point.
But he had to say it. “Well, what was I supposed to do? They were being really horrible about you, Mabel,” he gruffed out. “You didn’t hear them, they were a right pair of fucking bastards. And I just snapped, I lost it, and next thing I know I’m saying things you think are ridiculous.”
“Because theyareridiculous.”
“Well, I know you believe that now.”
“So then you’re going to think of a way fix it.”
“I’ve tried, love. God knows I’ve tried. I was up all night going over possible ways to resolve this mess, and all I could come up with was joining a site I hate so I could message you in all caps and then not be able to delete it while thousands of people yelled at me that I was the worst person in the world for flubbing that sitter against Argentina fifteen fucking years ago. Even though it wasn’t my fucking flub at all,” he said. And honestly, she wasn’t sure what she liked best.
The rising panic and incredulity in his voice, as he went over his own ridiculous actions. Or the way he got to the end of it all, voice almost hoarse from trying to force all that absurdity out, and then just seemed to collapse from the effort. He put his face in his hands and made a sound of such frustration.
And so of course she couldn’t carry on anymore.
She couldn’t be mad at him.
