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Quirking an eyebrow, I wait for him to find his words.
“It’s just…This isn’t exactly how I imagined it, you know?”
“Tyler, I can be anything you want. But you have to talk to me.Tell mewhat that is.”
“I’m not talking about you…” He sighs deeply and moves to sit on the bed. With a defeated wave in my direction, he adds, “You’re perfect.”
As I look at him on the bed, I realize that I have two plays. One, I could push him onto his back and make him forget his own name. Two, I could have the deep, meaningful conversation he seems to be leaning towards. “But this isn’t how you wanted to lose your virginity?”
He nods but doesn’t reply for a bit. Seeing the confusion warring within him, I move to the bed and sitbeside him. He tenses but still doesn’t move to make contact or say anything.
“Howdidyou imagine it?”
He chuckles. “I don’t know. Just…With someone I’d been dating, at least.”
“Have you ever had a girlfriend?”
He slumps a little. “No.” He clears his throat awkwardly, and when he adds, “I’ve never been kissed,” his voice is quiet with shame.
To say I’m surprised is an understatement. There aren’t many kids these days who make it to their twenties with this level of inexperience. “There’s nobody you like? No person who you want to ask out?”
“Annie Maye,” he says immediately. When he says her name, his eyes take on a dreamy look. “She’s a girl I work with. A good friend. We actually went to MIT together. Decided to join the PharmCorp internship program at the same time.”
“How long have you had a thing for her?”
“A few years.”
“Jesus.” The poor kid.
He gives a surprised laugh at my blatant shock. “I know. I’m such a loser.” He leans forward and places his head in his hands.
“Tyler,” I briefly wonder how honest I should be before adding, “you arewayoverthinking this.” Grabbing his chin, I turn his head so he’s looking at me. “What is the absolute worst that could happen?”
He doesn’t hesitate this time. “She could reject me. And then I’d have to find another job because she’d be uncomfortable in the same room as me all the time.”
That was a very specific answer. “Wow, you have actually thought this through.”
“Yeah.” He nods, the quick up-down movement of his head almost manic. “Extensively. Sometimes, I think the scope of my entire existence will come down to this.” He scrunches his nose. “Being too afraid to ask her out because I know she’ll say no.”
Trying for another approach, I ask, “Would you regret it more if you have to find another job, but knew how she feltorif you never told her that you loved her, and she moved on?” I shake my head, trying to make him see my reasoning. “If she eventually meets someone—assuming she’s single now?—you’ll have to live with watching her the rest of your life, or…”
“Find another job?”
“Exactly.”
“What would you do?” When he looks at me, his blue eyes are filled with a desperation I haven’t seen in a long time.
I can’t tell him that I would have made a move a long time ago, or that sex has never been my issue. The four or five years that separate me from this kid may as well be a lifetime. “Do you have her address?”
“Ah…Yes?”
“Give it to me.”
“Why?”
“Tyler, do you trust me?”
“…I don’t know,” he whispers.
