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And to make matters worse, Catherine isn’t somebody I could leave behind or walk out on. Because every morning when she gets up, she fights to stay sober. She tries. Which begs the question: What happened at Clementine Lane?
Casting a quick glance at the bathroom door to check that she’s still there, I pull my cellphone from my back pocket and dial Antoinette.
“Suzy.” She answers the phone like her usual self. There is no guilt, no stress in her tone that could suggest anything at all happened today.
“Do you want to tell me what the fuck is going on with Cat?”
There’s a long pause. “Is she there?”
“Yeah, she’s here. I had to go and pick her up at some strip mall because she couldn’t drive herself.” I stop talking, hoping that Toni will fill in the silence. But when she offers nothing, I have to ask, “How could you do this to her? You knew she’d be devastated…”
“It’s not that simple.”
“The fuck it is.”
“Suz-”
“No! Don’t ‘Suze’me! You were there, Toni! You were there when Doc. Hinde stitched her arms up and…” I close my eyes and curse. I take two deep breaths as I try to regulate my rage. But it is hard to hate someone you love, even momentarily.
The silence between us thickens. It grows until I don’t know how either of us are ever going to break through it. But Toni says, “She’s in love with the cop,” and the shock of her statement slices clean through the pregnant pause.
“What?”
“Aiden Flint. The cop who’s been investigating Lizzie’s death—Catherine’s been seeing him.”
“No.” I shake my head. Catherine is petrified of the police.
“Ask her,” Toni counters. “Ask her and you’ll know the truth. Even if she denies it, you’ll know.”
“Still-”
“I kicked her out because I love her, more than if she were blood.” Toni breathes heavily over the line, and, although I have never seen her cry, or even distressed, I sense that she’s close now. “I won’t be responsible for her wasting a chance like this, Suze. I can’t do it. And Cat…She would have ruined it if I hadn’t done something.”
We are both quiet as the pieces slot together in my head. Catherineisfiercely loyal, but it’s not always a healthy loyalty. She’s obsessive about protecting Toni and the girls, and sometimes she talks like she isn’t quite in touch with the reality of what they do. I’ve often wondered if it’s a kind of learned helplessness or trauma bonding, and, up to now I’ve never thought that much of it. Maybe abstractly when something she said didn’t sit right with me, but I’ve always just shrugged it off as being a part of her healing process. “You think she’ll self-sabotage?”
“I know she will. And,” when Toni speaks now, her voice is desperate, “all I want is for her to have a chance at what we all missed out on. She’s smart. And talented. And the kindest person I know.”
“She shouldn’t be here,” I agree.
“No, she shouldn’t. And up until yesterday, she needed us. But now she has him. He’s…” She breaks into a watery laugh that is full of wonder and longing. “He’s in love with her too. Seeing them together…”
Toni doesn’t finish the thought, but I know she’s comparing Cat and Flint to her and Drakos.
I pull my impression of the cop to the forefront of my mind. I sensed within minutes of talking to him that he was a good man. Soft voice. Kind smile. Gentle eyes. He had all the smooth edges of someone who life has rolled around to spit out more beautiful and whole than before, all the unnecessary jagged pieces tumbled off.
“He obviously knows everything?” I ask.
“I’m sure he’s guessed as much by this point. But he knows everything abouther.”
“And?”
“Catherine was pretty close-lipped about it, but she went back to him. More than once.”
“You think he doesn’t care? About the escorting?”
“Oh, I think he cares deeply. But I think he sees her too. I think he knows what he’s getting into.”
I hate that I’m bending under Toni’s carefully constructed logic, but if everything she’s said about Catherine and the cop is true, I know the rest has to be too.
