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I nod and search his eyes, love and pride shining through them. “Promise me you’ll take this second chance and make a lifetime of memories. That you won’t be Uncle Frowny Face anymore. And when you see my picture in your mum’s house, smile at it instead of feeling sad. Know that I love you all and I’m not really gone. Promise me.”
I nod, unable to speak, and let the sobs wrack through as he embraces me in a hug. My arms wrap around him tightly and I don’t want to let go, but I know I have to. I squeeze my eyes shut and cling to him, but when I open them again he’s gone. In his place is the picture from the beach, the word ‘Promise’ written on the frame.
“I promise, Dad. I promise.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Phoebe
Exhaustion wreaks havoc on my bones. Despair and anxiety sit heavy in my stomach and I just want to curl into a tiny ball and will away all of my feelings. But instead, I’m pacing backward and forward along the hallway of the hospital. Never sitting and never stopping. Just focusing on walking ten steps forward and ten steps back.
“Bebe, come and sit down please,” Lola begs me for what feels like the millionth time, but I don’t want to sit. I don’t want to be still. That's when my thoughts start to spiral.
Thoughts of the last text message I sent to him flood into my head. Hearing his choked out words,‘I don’t want to die without telling you I love you. Always have.’And then the pain and fear in his voice as he cried out and the line went dead.
Nope. I need to keep pacing. If I pace and count then the thoughts can’t fight their way in.
Ivy steps into my line of sight looking tense and tired with a little bit of anxiety flickering over her face. Normally when she’s walking these halls, she’s poised and professional. Dressedin her doctor armour of scrubs and her comfortable rubber shoes. But now, in her black pencil skirt and white blouse, those hideous contraptions on her feet just look odd, even though I know she threw them on so she could run the length of the halls to find out information as quickly as possible.
“He’s still in surgery,” she states loudly as she gets closer to us. Lola stands abruptly, Dan rising with her completely in sync. Carol is next to me and holds onto my arm to stop my pacing, and even though I don’t want to be still, for her, I am.
“Can you explain what happened again?” she asks, a glimmer of fear escaping from her normally together appearance.
“And this time in English that we’ll understand and not your medical mumbo jumbo, please, Sis.” Ivy looks irritated by Lola’s request, but she grits her teeth, squirms in her rubber clogs, and sighs heavily.
“Freddie has coronary artery disease. It means one of his arteries was blocked by plaque and some of that has splintered off and created a blood clot which has blocked the blood supply to his heart causing him to have a heart attack.” Lola stifles a sob and clings onto Dan. Carol braces next to me and takes a deep breath.
“He’s so young, Ivy. He’s active and healthy. I don’t understand…” she breaks down and tears flood her eyes and stream down her face. My arms wrap around her instantly as Ivy steps forward and grabs her hand.
“Sometimes it’s genetic, Mum. Dad died from a heart attack. And now Freddie… Lola…” She turns her head a little as Lola lifts hers up. “We’ll need to go for tests on our hearts, and even the kids. But don’t worry or panic. Knowing about it is halfway to fixing it.” She locks her gaze onto her sister and, even through Lola’s tears, I can see the resolve in them.
“So Freddie has what your dad had? What if he dies, Ivy? I don’t think I could survive that.” Carol’s muffled voice is filled with pain and I squeeze my arms around her tighter.
“Mum, we didn’t know about Dad’s condition and the ambulance didn’t get there in time to save him. It did with Freddie. Thanks to Bebe. She saved his life.” She turns her gaze to me and gives me a small smile, but I shake my head not wanting to speak. After giving me a subtle nod of understanding, she turns back to her mum. “The coronary artery bypass graft will fix the problem and he’ll be monitored by us for life now.”
“What do they actually do?” Lola’s voice is small and meek and I really don’t want to hear the ins and outs about what they’re doing to him right now. But I know she needs to know to understand the process.
“They’ll take an artery out of his leg and replace the blocked one in his heart, which will allow the blood to flow continuously to it and not cause any more attacks.” She has her ‘Doctor voice’ in place and I know Lola won’t let that go.
“Ivy, stop talking to us like we’re your patients, we’re not. Freddie isn’t. He’s your brother, for god’s sake.”
“I KNOW!” Ivy shouts back, finally letting her composure slip. “I bloody know, Lo. But if I don’t do it like this, I’ll fall to pieces knowing I was probably the one who caused it.”
Carol is out of my arms in a blink and has wrapped her daughter into a mama bear hug. I look at Lola, confusion causing my eyebrows to crease together and my mouth to form an O.
“We argued with Freddie before. About you and the way he treated you. Ivy told him some truths that were necessary and he needed to hear.” Lola’s telling me, but pointing her words toward her sister.
Shit. They argued over me. I fractured the perfect balance of the Camden family. If he dies, Ivy will always feel guilty.And it’s my fault. Oh my god. If he dies…
I try to walk, needing to take my mind off the thoughts invading it, but as I take a step I stumble and almost fall flat on my face. Thankfully, Dan manages to reach out and grab me before I face plant in front of everyone. He urges me over to the chairs and the Camden family huddle around me. Carol has her arm around Ivy who’s brushing the tears from her eyes.
“I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to argue over me.” I take a deep breath and try to control my emotions, but I can’t. My chin wobbles, my eyes fill with tears and I wail, “I don’t want him to die. I don’t…” The dam breaks and the flood of tears I’ve been holding back for what seems like forever fall down my cheeks and pool into my hands as I clasp them over my face.
“Oh, Bebe. We didn’t argue just for you. We argued to try and get our brother back. None of this is your fault. Just like it isn’t Ivy’s.” Lola turns her head to her sister, widening her eyes at her pointedly. Ivy grabs her shoulder and squeezes it in thanks. “Freddie loves you. He loves all of us. But since Dad died he’s avoided all of us to an extent. We needed it to stop. What he did to you was awful, but he did it because he was scared. We just don’t know why.”
“On the phone, he told me he loved me and that he always had,” I say through my sobs and then scold myself because I’m babbling about this when his mum and sisters are terrified of losing him. “I’m sorry. I know you’re all worried about him. I shouldn’t be…”
“Oh shut up, Bebe. You’re as much a part of this family as any of us,” Ivy states and raises her brow at me, daring me to argue. I stick my tongue out at her and she rolls her eyes with a grin on her face.
