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“Do you want a wedding?” I asked.
“A wedding?”
“Yeah.” I had been thinking about it for a while. The reason I picked the courthouse was for the convenience as well as the fact I didn’t have anyone I wanted to invite. Now that thiswas real, finally real, I wanted to give her what she wanted, what she deserved.
“I think it would be nice to have more of our family there this time,” she said. She’d been dropping hints that I should invite my father to Christmas or at least call him. Mrs. Tupp had been less subtle. She said it might be healing to finally confront each of my parental figures, with the exception of my mother. She said I didn’t ever have to speak to my mother again, and no one should ever force me. I didn’t owe her anything.
I didn’t know if I wanted to talk to my father. I didn’t want to think about it yet. My grandfather was too complicated for me to sort out yet. I had been thinking more and more about seeing my mom, even though Mrs. Tupp said I didn’t have to. I just felt like there was still something tethering me to her. I didn’t think I’d ever be free of her if I didn’t do something to snap it.
“I think a wedding with actual vows would be nice,” she said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“It would.” I didn’t even remember what our vows were the first time. I wasn’t great with words. I had always been too short with people, too blunt. It scared them off and that was perfect when I wanted to be alone, to never be touched. I wanted to tell her exactly how I felt, even if it was hard.
“I also think,” she started talking in a voice like she was nervous about how I’d respond. “That we should have Virgo and Michael over before the party so you can get to know them better.”
Ah. She was worried I would freak out at having people I didn’t know well in our house and wanted to warm me up. How considerate. She might be right.
“I want you to be friends with them too.”
Friends. I never had any steady ones. The ones I had as a young child, I drew away from, afraid of them finding out about what was happening at home, terrified that they’d want to comeover, I thought they’d think I was a monster. I never recovered from that lack. By the time I had been going through therapy I had lost my confidence that I’d ever find people to trust. But Lydia trusted these two. And I already knew from my first meeting with Michael that they meant the world to her and her to them.
“You should invite them over,” I said before I could wind myself up and convince myself it would be a bad idea.
“Yeah?” I loved the way her face lit up.
“No cowboy hats.”
“I don’t know if I can guarantee that.”
***
“And that’s when Brad Pitt showed up.” Virgo was finishing up a story that sounded too crazy to be true, but Michael and Lydia seemed to act like that was normal and listened to the story like it was old news. “These are so good Taylor.” She transitioned immediately from the story to the nacho spread I put together as soon as I knew we were having guests. It wasn’t my finest creation, but it worked.
“Thanks.” I couldn’t look at her as she praised me. I knew I looked like some skittish cat, but I was trying to get comfortable without acting like a stone wall like I usually did to hide my anxiety.
“Do you guys want to watch a movie?” Lydia suggested. “Or, I found a pool table the other day.”
Virgo sprung up. “I’m so good at pool.” Of course, she was.
“Think you can beat her?” Michael looked at me, almost examining me. It made me nervous, but he wasn’t looking at me with suspicion like the first time. It was more like he was looking for something.
“I’m not bad,” I responded.
“A challenge it is.” Virgo’s eyes lit on fire. I was suddenly sure I wasn’t going to win.
“Your friends are interesting,” I said quietly to Lydia as we walked to my gaming room where I had a few pool tables. I played the game by myself occasionally, but they didn’t get much use otherwise.
She nudged my shoulder. “You sound almost fond.”
I was very quickly trounced by Virgo. She played pool like she’d be good at hustling in some smokey bar somewhere.
“Who’s next?” Virgo’s smile was shark-like.
“I’ve beaten you before.” Lydia took the pool stick from my hand, similarly, fired up.
I stood back with Michael as the two women went at it. Lydia was handling herself better than I had. I must have been rustier than I thought.
“Hey,” Michael said low enough that the two playing wouldn’t hear.
