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After kicking, hitting, and punching until I’m out of breath, I have sweat dripping down my face. Josh moves off the wall he’d been leaning against while watching me. He comes over with a towel and water bottle and hands them over wordlessly. Neither of us are sentimental saps, but we know when we need each other, and usually what it is we need. And right now I just needed to kick the hell out of something because I’m beyond frustrated that my time with Tess is just not as simple as it should be, or once was.
“What the hell was that about? That’s way more than pent-up frustration over you guys not being able to have wild monkey sex lately.”
I look around the shop because there’s not a chance in hell I want my business to be spreading to our employees.
“Tess and I are going through something,” I state simply.
“No shit?” he says sarcastically. “Come on, man, give me more than that. You just went ten rounds with Mike Tyson’s tiger, so it’s obviously something big.”
“The shitty part? I don’t even know what exactly is happening. We’re drifting apart. Last night at dinner I mentioned Keri saying that her friend was Tess’s new client — you know how she mentioned that to me yesterday when we were standing by her desk?”
He nods his head that he remembers so I continue on, “Well, she acted like she didn’t have a clue who Keri was. She forgot that MaryEllen retired. MaryEllen! Who’s been with us from the beginning? All because she was so damn wrapped up in her own life at the time and couldn’t make it to her retirement party.” I air quote myself like a douche. “Then she basically accused me of — well, I’m not really sure what she was accusing me of, but something bad with Keri.” I say the last part as quiet as possible just in case anyone is around listening.
He raises his eyebrows and drops his jaw. “Whoa.”
“Yeah. I don’t know what the hell is happening to us, but her accusing me of stepping out of our marriage is something I never expected.”
“You told her about Andy, right?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I don’t know. Do you think she was just being overly sensitive because of his situation? None of us ever saw that coming with Andy and Heather. At least we sure as hell didn’t. They were always the picture of happiness — I think Andy thought so, too. Maybe her questioning you was only a result of hearing about what happened to them.”
“I’m not sure. It’s crossed my mind, and I have a feeling that’s part of it. What pisses me off the most is that she forgot all of that and acted like I’d been keeping it from her. If I had forgotten something major like that, I’d have blue balls for months. Or, bluer balls for even more months, in my case.”
“Barrett. You need to fix this. You need to make sure that Tess has absolutely no reason to second guess you or to question anything in your marriage.”
“Tell me something I don’t already know,” I grumble.
“Well, you know Lauren and I are here for you guys. And you’ll fix this. You two are perfect for each other. You just need to get back to that,” he says in a rare moment of showing his own possession of a vagina.
“Thanks, man. I know. I’m just frustrated. We’ll sort it out. There’s no way I’ll not get us sorted out.”
“I get that.”
My phone beeps, stopping our conversation from turning into even more girl-talk. I almost feel the need to reach into my shorts and check to make sure that I still have my balls.
Josh must sense it too because he clears his throat and slaps me on the shoulder before taking a few steps back, “Alright, I’m gonna go to the back room and check that my nuts haven’t hibernated, maybe chew some tobacco or something like that to get my man card back.”
I grin at him and chuckle. We’re so much alike it’s scary sometimes. And he’s right. None of this is unfixable; we just need to figure out how to fix it. I have a feeling we need to get back to the basics and move forward from there. I check my phone and my grin spreads.
My Girl:Can you pick up some cut up vaginas for after tonight’s game?
I laugh out loud. I can’t help it. I’m fairly positive that she didn’t mean cut up vaginas. Well, I hope not, but still. Texting and my girl are not the best of friends, but they make my day, none the less.
Me:…
Me:I think I’m gonna go with a no on that one.
My Girl:Why not?
Me:Pretty girl, did you read your text before you hit send?
My Girl:WTH! Autocorrect, you asshole!
Me:LOL – so no to the cut up vaginas?
My Girl:Obviously. I meant veggies. Clearly texting and I need to break up.
