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“Definitely not the paste pants. Those won’t hide a thing.”
“So true.”
“Not even if I… Pivot!” I exclaim in response for some unknown reason and shove my fist in the air. We both lie there and laugh at ourFriendsreferences and continue making them for a solid five minutes before our stomachs start growling at us. “If you think I went through all that work just to eat some weird carb-free, flaxseed, protein, imitation muffin, you’ve got another thing coming. I’d eat one of Rachel’s meat trifles at this point. I’m so hungry. We’re going to Christine’s, and I’m ordering a latte and one of her cream-cheese-frosted cinnamon rolls,” I say with authority.
“There’s a reason you and I are best friends.”
* * *
“So what’s new with you?” Lauren asks as we sit down to have lunch.
We came straight from my house, so I can’t imagine what we both look like. A hot sweaty mess, more than likely. We are at our favorite coffee shop. It’s actually Christine’s, Bri’s mom, but she doesn’t seem to be working today. It was her dream, and when her husband passed, she discovered that he had been setting aside money for it. It was hard for her to accept at first; she felt like he should have been the one to help her set it up. After several months, though, Barrett and I helped her to take the leap and start Dreamin’ Beans.
“Same old same old. You?” I respond and shift the focus to her quickly.
“What’s wrong?” Lauren asks immediately. “I can tell something’s up. You know you can’t hide anything from me. How long have we known each other?” she asks. However, she doesn’t give me a chance to respond before she continues. “I’ve known you since I was seven years old, Tess. There’s nothing we haven’t been able to take on together yet. You know I won’t think any differently of you.”
She’s so right and, at this moment, even though I should probably be talking to my husband about this, I decide I need my best girl’s perspective. I lick my lips and then roll them together to muster up the courage to talk it out with my best friend. “Something’s going on with Barrett and me,” I blurt out.
“Bullshit. You two are like the perfect couple,” she defends immediately.
“You only see us on the outside. Not that I’m trying to present this‘Oh we’re the perfect couple and my husband is perfect and my kids are perfect’but…”
“I get it. Your troubles are your troubles. No need to air them because that’s your business and your business only. But… tell me what’s going on.” She prods anyway.
I know it’s not her being nosy. It’s her caring. Which is a big difference.
“I don’t know, to be honest. It’s like we’re both so damn tired all the time. We argue over little things that normally don’t even faze us. Oh! And I can’t believe I’m about to admit this because you’re gonna think the worst of me and speaking of, not sure why you haven’t mentioned it…”
“Tess, you’re rambling, and stop twisting your hair!” she says with raised eyebrows and a chuckle. She knows I ramble and twist my hair when I get nervous.
I release my hair from around my finger and drop my hands to wrap around my coffee cup. “No judgement, right? This is bad.” I pause, trying to gain some strength to admit everything. “Lauren, I forgot MaryEllen retired and had no clue who Keri was. I questioned Barrett about Keri, for pity’s sakes. I know better. I know deep in my heart that he would never step out on our marriage,” I tell her, then lower my voice. “I think I was just a little on edge because of finding out about Andy and Heather, you know? I guess I just never imagined they would split, or that she’d cheat on him. Hearing it just scared me with how distant we’ve been with each other lately. But most of all, we’re both so hard up in the bedroom that I swear I’m about ready to start sitting on the washing machine or break out Mr. Rabbit.”
“Holy crap, Tess. I feel like my mind is spinning with all this information. Let’s break it down.” She takes a sip of her coffee and then puts the cup back down on the table. Looking me dead in the eye she goes for it. “How in the hell could you ever think Barrett… Barrett of all people… would ever even look at another woman? And seriously, haven’t you noticed Keri sitting at MaryEllen’s old desk? Don’t you remember we had the retirement party for her?”
I groan into my hands, mortification of my selfish behavior lately setting in. “Truth? And this is where it gets worse. Way worse,” I tell her, pleading with my eyes to be understanding. She circles her hand in theget on with itgesture, rolling her own eyes. “Ok, don’t judge me. I had a design trade show the weekend of the retirement party. I remember asking Barrett if I needed to do anything for it, and he seemed a little, I don’t know, indifferent. Now that I look back, he was probably pissed that I was choosing the design show over him, and, truth be told, he has a right to be pissed. And the reason I haven’t seen Keri is because I haven’t been to the office in four months.” I mumble the last part quickly as I begin to take a drink of my coffee and divert my eyes from hers.
“Say what?” she asks, her eyes squinting at me, eyebrows bunched together.
I set my coffee cup down and clear my throat and tell her a little more clearly this time. “I haven’t been to the office for four months.”
She looks at me blankly then blinks a couple times. “How is that even possible?”
I shrug my shoulders in response and look away, tears building in my eyes. I’m ashamed that I’ve let our relationship come to this. I don’t think either of us even realized it, to be honest. It just kind of happened. We both started letting things slip and slide until it got to this ugly point.
“Tess. Sweetie, this isn’t like you. You used to show up unannounced at the office all the time. Trust me, I know this all too well,” she says with raised eyebrows, no doubt thinking of the few times I’ve walked in on her and Josh in the middle of gettin’ some.
“Yeah, I can never un-see that, thanks very much.”
She grins unashamed and shrugs her shoulders. “Tess, you need to end that. Make sure you go and meet Keri. She’s really sweet, and she has a boyfriend — a boyfriend she’s planning to marry as soon as he proposes. There’s nothing you can do about the past four months, but you can change the present and future.”
“Right. But the guilt…” I shake my head and scoff. “It’s killing me. I feel awful for the way I’ve been allowing myself to get so wrapped up in life I forgot he has his own things going on, too. It’s been four months since I’ve been to the shop. Four months, Lauren. That’s a long time. I feel bad enough for that, but the Keri-thing. I can’t believe I accused him of even looking at another woman that way. What was I thinking?”
“You weren’t. Your emotions are getting the best of you.” She gasps dramatically and puts her hand to her chest before whisper shouting to me, “Do you think… Are you going through the change!?” Her voice is a mix of horrified and teasing.
“You’re such a brat,” I say, to which she smiles.
“You love me. But, I’ll repeat, there’s nothing you can do about the past. You can make the rest up to him. Get back to your roots. Now, I’m gonna ask… Why is it that you’re both so hard up? I’ve seen you two around each other. You don’t seem the type to be low on sex drive.”
