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Our wedding… My dress was enormous. So. Much. Fabric. And the butt bow? Wow. As much as I would change the fashion of the day, I wouldn’t change a single other thing. Our happiness was what I remember.
My arm is hooked through my dad’s behind the closed doors of the church sanctuary. My dress hangs heavily on my body, but I don’t care. I love it. The puffy sleeves sit wide on my bare shoulders, the bodice a beautiful, delicate lace. The satin skirt bells out widely, making me feel like a princess. The train that trails behind me is long and sprinkled with lace and pearl bead detail throughout, giving it a romantic and soft shimmer. Everyone told me that I shouldn’t wait to see Barrett until I walk down the aisle. That we needed to have pictures taken care of beforehand so that our guests won’t have to wait on us at the reception.
Barrett said he didn’t care what is better for our guests. “You’re not taking that away from me. I want to be standing at the end of the aisle waiting for her to take my name when I see her for the first time. It probably sounds stupid, but I’ve imagined it a thousand times in my head, and that’s how it’s going to be,” he said to my parents then walked out of the room like the discussion was closed.
My mom looked at me and said, “Okay then.” And apparently the discussion was, in fact, closed.
“You ready for this, princess?”
“You know it, Daddy. Get me to Barrett.”
He chuckles. “You know, you could at least make it a little easier on your dad. It seems as though you can’t wait to take someone else’s name. I think I made it clear to you when you were younger that you were never allowed to do that.” Tears shine brightly in his eyes, and he reaches over and hugs me tightly. “Tess, baby girl, I wouldn’t let you take anyone else’s name. Barrett is a good man. I’m so proud of you both and can’t wait to officially call him son.”
I swallow hard several times and pull back away from him, tears gently trickling down my cheeks. “I love you so much, Daddy.”
“I love you, too, princess. Now let’s make you a Ryan.”
I hear the traditional wedding march begin on the piano, going against the traditional organ, and my heart beats wildly.
Daddy whispers, “No more tears. We got this,” and I look over at him as he nods his head, his eyes still shining with tears. I squeeze his arm tightly, and he places his large hand over my own as he takes a deep breath.
The church doors swing open to reveal my future. The ends of the pews and altar are decorated with tulle and bright blue flowers. Our friends are standing around the decorations, the girls in their giant blue bridesmaid dresses, the groomsmen in their black tuxes. But that’s not what I am seeing. My eyes focus in on Barrett, and I see nothing else. His smile is wide, and I see him shift a few times on his feet. He keeps clasping his hands together only to shake them out at his sides. I speed up my walking as much as I can, but Daddy holds me at a steady pace.
“Easy, princess. I’m gettin’ ya there,” he whispers to me out of the corner of his mouth.
I smile at him but don’t turn my head. I don’t take my eyes off Barrett for a single moment. When I step close enough for the preacher to ask who gives this bride to this man, I shift my gaze to my dad for one moment as he and my mom release me to take another man’s name.
The wedding goes by in a blur of emotions, Barrett choking up in his vows, me crying through mine. His brother sings “I Cross My Heart” for us, with only his guitar to guide him as we light the white unity candle; my heart feels like it may literally burst. I have to hold back a sob from the happiness trying to break through.
When the preacher announces us as man and wife, Barrett doesn’t wait for him to finish saying he can kiss the bride before I am bent over backward in front of two hundred of our closest friends and family, their catcalls and whistles only adding to our happiness. And when he lifts me back up but keeps his lips pressed to mine for a few short moments, he leans in and whispers in my ear, “You have made me the happiest man alive for sharing my name, for starting our life together. I love you now. I love you tomorrow. I love you forever.”
Tears stream down my face as he steps back, takes my hand in his, and lifts them up in the air as his happiness shines for all to see. Then we take our first step down the stairs as man and wife. He holds my hand tightly in his own, and we race down the aisle, through the double doors of the sanctuary, and into the first door that we find. It’s a baby nursery that has been transformed into one of the rooms we used for changing clothes. The bridesmaids’ clothes, makeup, shoes, and handbags are scattered everywhere, but that’s not what I care about at the moment. And I’m pretty sure Barrett feels the same.
He takes my face in his hands and kisses me so thoroughly that my lips are tingling before we are finished. With a rough voice, he makes me swoon when he tells me, “You look so beautiful. No. Beautiful isn’t even a word to describe you. Radiant, glowing. I just… you’re mine. Finally.”
I smile, eyes watering. “Barrett, I’ve been yours forever.”
He shakes his head but his eyes never leave my face. “No, now you’re officiallymine.”
Before I could respond, there was a knock on the door. The rest of the wedding party and our parents were waiting outside the door for us. We still had to finish taking pictures, and all the other details that go along with the wedding day. And I knew there would be time for more sappy emotions later. Right now, it was time to show off my husband.
Our reception… where we ate roast beef and marinated chicken breasts, garlic mashed potatoes and green beans, drank champagne, listened to Lauren and Josh, as well as our fathers, toast our new marriage, and danced until we were ready to be sent off. After our friends and family threw rice at us as we ran hand in hand out of the reception hall, we climbed into my grandfather’s classic Corvette. Barrett’s buddies went easy on decorating, only hanging strung-up cans off the rear bumper. Our first dance as husband and wife was toLove of a Lifetimeby Firehouse. It wasn’t a fancy choreographed dance, we simply held one another as tightly as possible. Grateful to be in each other’s arms — for a lifetime.
Tears are streaming down my face from the memory of our wedding, but I can’t wait to continue looking through more. Barrett stands up and goes into the kitchen and returns with two bottles of water, a bag of popped microwave popcorn, a small plate of the chocolate chip cookies I had made earlier that day, and a plastic bag filled with peppermint taffies, my favorite.
Our first years of marriage… That first rental house we lived in… such a dump but we didn’t care. We had hand-me-down furniture, lived on frozen pizza, spaghetti and fried bologna and baked potatoes, but we were happy.
Our first Christmas tree… another hand-me-down from my grandparents. The decorations were minimal — and also mostly all hand-me-downs also — but we loved it. I made him listen to cheesy Christmas songs and watchWhite Christmas(which he hated, for the record, but did it once to appease me because it was our first Christmas together). The first night the tree was up, we made love under the twinkle lights and fell asleep there.
The day we became a family of three… Welcoming our first dog home, Oscar, a black lab mix…
The day weofficiallybecame a family of three... Bringing Cole home and into our world. We still lived at the rental house. The house might not have been perfect, but we made it a home. The bright green carpet in Cole’s room was worn and old, so we covered it with a large rug.
Two years later, when my stomach was swollen to the max with Grady, we broke ground on our now forever home.
We looked through photo album after photo album and remembered.
The births of our children…
