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Tatted Up Bearded Dudes Do It Better.
A six-pack of my favorite craft brew was under the shirt, one that we rarely are able to buy, or find, for that matter. Several cards that look like coupons for things ranging from breakfast in bed to date-night at my favorite steakhouse to some date-nights that will happen after the kids are tucked away safely in their own beds. And finally, a wooden watch. It’s cool as shit, to be honest. I’ve been wanting one for years but never spent the money on it. I flip it over and on the back is engraved:
I’ve Loved You Every Second
I pick up my cell phone and quickly shoot off a text. I have no idea where Tess is, but after going through this box and reading her note, she needs to get her cute butt back here. Now.
Me:You need to get your ass back here.
I wait impatiently for the ten seconds it takes for her to text me back.
My Girl:I take it you like my present?
Me:Wrong. I love it.
My Girl:I’m glad
Me:Now get back here. The pictures in the album aren’t humping my current situation.
My Girl:LOL
Me:It’s not funny!
My Girl:It totally is.
Me:So it’s like that, huh? Apparently you don’t want it genital when you get back here.
My Girl:DYING! Oh B — AC hit you again.
I scroll back up and bust out laughing. Although, humping and genitals is fairly spot on for what I’m feeling right now. When I tell her to get her ass back here now, I’m totally serious. Between her words and the boudoir photo album, I’m ready to go… again.
Me:This damn phone.
My Girl:Right. It’s the phone. Not your thumbs.
Me:It totally is. I meant to say the album isn’t helping my situation and that you don’t want it gentle.
My Girl:…
Me:Whatever. Good thing I embrace our texts, yeah?
My Girl:LOL
Me:So when are you coming back from wherever you’re at?
My Girl:Just checking out. Went to get more hookers then I’ll be home to the cabin soon. XXX
Me:So hookers and kissing. A good day for all!
My Girl:Ok, we’re done. Clearly texting is just not meant for us today. I meant FOOD! How does food turn into hookers?
Me:Just hurry up — no hookers necessary ;)
My Girl:Ok. These lines are so slutty compared to what I’m used to
Me:That’s because they’re hookers. Geesh
My Girl:Done. I think I should stop texting for a while.
