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“Yes, yes, yes.Right there,” I screamed against the pillow as Travis pummeled into me from behind, hitting a spot I didn’t know existed inside me.
I never knew pleasure could feel like this or that sex could be this fulfilling.I mean, I suspected, sure, but had no actual proof of it until then, because Travis was a fucking beast in the bedroom.He wrapped his arm around me, his hand landing just under my belly button and then sliding down until his fingers rubbed the most tantalizing circles around my clit.Before I could take another breath, my orgasm slammed into me full force, sucking the breath from my lungs.My body spasmed uncontrollably as I screamed his name.
“Fuckkk,” he groaned behind me before his thrusts stuttered to a stop and he released inside of me.I still couldn’t get over the feel of him going bare.I’d never realized how much feeling condoms suppressed, but oh my god, it took sex to a whole other level, and I wished we’d had the discussion about going without them sooner.
He collapsed on top of me and then rolled us to the side so he wasn’t crushing me.He dropped a kiss to my shoulder and then nuzzled against my neck, and my heart ached with a longing that no amount of sex could satiate.I both loved and hated when he did this.It made me feel treasured, like this could be more than sex.
But reality was not on our side.We’d been having sex every time we could for the past three weeks, but we both knew there was an expiration date on us.His tender affection only made me wish with every ounce of my being that we could be more.
That he could be my everything.
I was a little afraid he already was, which was only going to make the heartbreak more devastating.
Apart from the guilt that ate away at me whenever I saw Jenna, this had been the best three weeks of my life.But every time we finished, there was always a moment where I wondered if this was it.Was this the last time I’d get to feel him holding me skin to skin?Was this the last time I’d hear him say my name while he was buried inside me and making me feel sexier than I’d ever felt?
I wasn’t ready for it to be the last time, but I didn’t know if I’d ever be ready.I knew without a shadow of a doubt I would be irrevocably hurt no matter when we ended it.
Thinking about the end always made me think about why we had to end it at all, and that guilt slithered its way under my skin again until the idea of facing Jenna made me feel nauseous.How could something feel so right and so wrong at the same time?Betraying my best friend was never something I thought I’d do, but I also couldn’t seem to stop myself from craving his touch with every fiber of my being.
“You’re addicting,” he murmured against my hair, his hand tightening around me and pulling me against him.
“Hmmm, no more addicting than you are.”
He huffed a laugh of disbelief, but then kissed my neck and it was just the right amount of tender and sexy to confuse me further.
Was this really just sex for him?
I knew that was our deal, but it hadn’t felt like “just sex” ever.He seemed content with our arrangement, but when he held me like this, I started to wonder.Was he as conflicted and torn up about this as I was?Did he crave more with me?
I opened my mouth to ask him, but lost my nerve before any words could escape.I couldn’t risk losing him, even if all I got was sex.Which wasn’t really fair, because it was more than that whether we admitted it or not.It was dinners together in a prelude to sex, and conversation when we were too spent to move, but not tired enough to actually sleep, and more laughter than I’d ever had with any of my past boyfriends.
It was painful that the best relationship I’d ever had wasn’t even a relationship at all, but just a short-term deal.
“What is it?”he asked, his voice quiet.
Of course he could tell something was on my mind.He always seemed to be able to read me, even when I didn’t want him to.It was only another reminder of how in sync we were.
“Nothing,” I mumbled.I hoped he couldn’t tell how in love with him I already was.
He slid his fingers through my hair and then kissed my shoulder.“Tell me.”
It was a demand in that sexy voice he used during sex, and he’d trained me so well not to ignore it.That what would follow his demands was heavenly bliss.
I nibbled on my lip and then closed my eyes as the words escaped my mouth in a mere whisper.“Is this still just sex?”I didn’t add the “for you” that was on the tip of my tongue and would give away far too much about how I truly felt, as if this question alone didn’t already.
He stiffened subtly, but my body was plastered against his and I could feel it.It was enough to cause my own body to tighten up, waiting for the words I knew were coming.
“That’s all it can be.”His voice was restrained, but clear.
My heart fell into the gnawing pit in my stomach.It was a confirmation of what I already knew was true, yet it still stung.But of course it was just sex for him.Neither of us were willing to expose the truth to Jenna and risk irrevocable damage to our relationship with her.
“If this is getting too confusing, we can stop.”He said it like it was so easy.Like simply stopping was an actual possibility.Maybe for him it was.
That only made my heart hurt more.
Maybe I was a masochist because even as my heart broke, I turned around and kissed him, then told him, “No.Not yet.Soon, but not yet.”
He held me to him with a fierce desperation that matched my own.“Soon,” he agreed.“But not now.”
