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He chuckled.“I know.Wyatt and I would follow you to make sure you were safe and then we’d sit in our camper chairs just back there,” he said, turning to point to a spot a ways away that I’d never paid much attention to before.
“Are you serious?”
He smiled down at me, and my heart galloped in my chest.How was it possible that he got even more handsome by the day?“Yeah.We thought it was cute, so we let you girls do your thing.”
“I had no idea.”
“You two were always off doing one thing or another.I usually gave Jenna her space, but never when her safety could be threatened.And Wyatt’s always been overprotective, but that’s probably what makes him so good at his job.”
“Hmm,” I said in response, while a million different questions passed through my mind.I wanted to ask him if he ever saw me or worried about me back then, or if it was always about Jenna, but I was afraid of the answer.Not to mention, it didn’t really change anything.
“I had a crush on you back then,” I admitted.
He turned to look at me, his eyes wide with surprise.My cheeks heated as I confessed, “I saw you once, with a woman, and that’s what started it, although I suppose that’s not entirely true because I always thought you were handsome before that.I just didn’t understand all the other things I felt until I was seventeen.”
He turned back to the water, his jaw working back and forth.I could practically see the wheels turning in his head.“It was the night Jenna got in a fight with her mom and you both stayed over, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah.You didn’t know we were there.”
He shook his head.“Not until the next morning.I’d always hoped she had no idea what happened.I always tried to keep my dating life separate and private from her unless it became something serious.”
Kind of like us.
“Why didn’t anything ever get serious?As long as I’ve known you, you’ve been single.”
He didn’t answer right away, and from the side it was hard to read his expression.“Vanessa would flaunt her boyfriends, fiancés, husbands around.Everyone knew who her flavor of the week was, and I could see how it wore on Jenna.How guarded she was with new people constantly coming into her life because they’d be leaving shortly.I didn’t want to put her through that.I didn’t plan to be single this long, and if I’m honest, I’ve dated a few women who could’ve been something, but when it came time to introduce them to Jenna, it never felt right, so I ended it.I always believed it’d feel right when it was the right person.”
My heart cracked and my nose tingled as tears threatened in my eyes.It was what he didn’t say that hit me the hardest.
I wasn’t the right woman.
I knew that was the case—obviously—but hearing it out loud hurt more than I thought it would.I wondered once again if it was worth carrying on our affair if it was only going to lead to devastating heartbreak.Why were we dragging this out when it was getting more painful by the day?
“Jenna loves you,” he whispered, his voice cracking, and I glanced up at him to see him already looking at me, his own eyes a little watery and betraying how hard this was for him too.“I can’t break my daughter’s heart.”His eyes pleaded for me to understand.
And I did.
I completely understood, even if I wished I didn’t.
But understanding the why didn’t make it any easier to accept.It certainly didn’t convince my heart to let him go like what we had meant nothing.I already knew letting him go was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, and I was terrified that someday I might resent Jenna for it.
Which wasn’t fair to her because none of this was her fault.
She didn’t even know about us.
And if I was honest with myself, I’d rather my heart get broken than hers.He was right that her mom’s dating history really fucked with her head.She needed the stability of her relationship with her dad.I could never live with myself if I ruined that for her.
“I hate this,” I said, my voice thick with emotion and a tear escaping down my cheek.
He brushed it away and then kissed me fiercely, his tongue swiping across my bottom lip until I granted him entry into my mouth.His arm tightened around my waist, pulling me until I got his hint and straddled his lap.He cocooned us in the blanket while our lips did all the talking for us—the kind of talking that didn’t need words to be understood.
I rocked against his lap, feeling him harden underneath me.Without breaking apart from our kiss, I slid my hands down and undid his pants.He lifted his hips enough to slide his pants and underwear down around his ankles, while I finagled my pants down, still refusing to break our kiss.
I sat back down on top of him, my legs straddling his, and used my hand to guide him inside me.Our lips broke apart as soon as we were joined, and we both let out soft, quiet moans that were a mix of relief, desire, and that feeling of absolute bliss.I rode him slow, my gaze locked on his, hoping he could see how much I loved him—because there was no way I could hide it in that moment.
He gripped the back of my neck and held me tighter, our foreheads resting on each other’s while our gazes stayed locked and our breaths mingled.
“Sadie,” he murmured.
