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She cracks a smile, but her gaze doesn’t meet mine as she continues her chest drawings. “Yeah, I know,” she says softly. “Earlier, it just seemed like… things were off with us.”
“I told you that wasn’t the case.”
“I know yousaidthat…”
She doesn’t fill in the blanks, but I understand. Just because I said it doesn’t mean she’s going to believe it.
“I won’t lie to you, Kennedy. I won’t give you any reason to doubt that my word means something. When I tell you I just need you to be patient, I’m not dicking you around. It’s not the single man’s version of, ‘I promise my wife and I are going to get divorced, you just need to wait a little longer.’ We were complicated right from the start, and it seems like it’s only gettingmorecomplicated the deeper we get into it.”
“I guess I’m just worried that… it’s too complicated. Eventually, you’ll get fed up and decide it’s not worth it.”
I pick up her hand that’s tracing shapes on my chest, link our fingers together, and bring them to my lips so I can kiss the back of her hand. “You are absolutely worth the trouble. It’s only the circumstances that are complicated, not my feelings for you. I like you very much, and if there were no obstacles in the way, it would be a no-brainer.”
“But it’s not.” She looks up at me. “Thereareobstacles in the way. What does it mean for us if… they won’t move?”
“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly.
She’s quiet for several beats, then she says softly, “I think… I’m afraid to lose you, and that’s really scary.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I promise her.
“Yeah, but if Jet likes me or I can’t get along with Jonathan…”
I don’t have the answers, so I can’t set her mind at ease by giving them to her, but I reiterate more firmly, “I will always be here for you, Kennedy. No matter what.”
I expect that to reassure her, but instead her gaze drops like I just verified her worst fears. “That just sounds like bullshit. An empty promise you make to someone when you know you won’t be sticking around.”
“Hey.” I lift her chin, forcing her gaze to mine. “That is not what this is. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I promise I will never abandon you.”
Her eyes glint with so much vulnerability, it breaks my heart. “You’re the only good thing in my life,” she whispers, her eyes filling with tears.
A knot forms in my throat. I pull her close and wrap my arms around her tightly, wanting to protect her from that harsh reality. “Someday that won’t be true. Not because I won’t mean anything to you anymore, but because your life will besofull of so many good things.”
She laughs shortly without humor, her face buried in my chest. “Yeah, right.”
“It will. I guarantee it.”
I don’t think she believes me, but she doesn’t argue, either.
For the next few minutes, neither of us says anything. We just enjoy being wrapped in each other’s arms, the rest of our world quiet and uncomplicated, at least for these few moments.
It’s too quiet. Too peaceful. When I realize Kennedy is drifting off on my chest, as much as I hate to, I have to wake her up and tell her to go up to bed.
She pulls her clothes back on and gives me a kiss, then she heads for the stairs.
“Kennedy,” I call out softly.
She looks back, a flicker of hope in her eyes, almost like she expects me to say fuck it, I’ll join her.
I wish I could.
She knows I can’t.
“Don’t forget your water.”
“Oh.” Her face flushes prettily, then she rolls her eyes and goes back to the kitchen to retrieve her bottle of water off the counter.
“Sweet dreams,” I tell her as she starts up the stairs.
