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“Sure,” she says breezily. “She’d buy the baby cute accessories, share photos on her socials and brag about how she really can have it all. And I’d be the one actually raising it.”
“Sounds about right,” I mutter, rolling my eyes.
“But it’s probably better if we all wait until at least after college to start that chapter of our lives, so…” She looks pointedly at my purse.
“Trust me, you’re preaching to the choir. If I had known it was going to happen, I would have had emergency condoms in my bedside drawer. On reflection, I probably should have anyway, but…” I glance over at her. “Which brings me to what I needed advice about. I know liking him is… probably not the smartest thing I could do.”
“But you do.”
“It’s looking that way. But since Iknowgoing in it’s a bad idea, I’m partially trying to burst my own bubble. Part of me says just enjoy it while you can, the other part is like ‘you know this can’t end well,’ and I have trouble arguing with that flawless logic.”
“And you want my input.”
I nod. “Weigh in, so one of the sides has a buddy.”
She cracks a smile. “I think you should let yourself enjoy it. Be smart. Be safe. Don’t ignore any red flags that pop up. But considering how long you’ve liked him, it just seems mean to deprive yourself of the fun now that it canbefun. If it crashes and burns, jump out of the car, but for the time being… enjoy the ride.”
“You give the best advice.”
“I do what I can,” she says lightly.
I feel a little better now that Hannah has given me permission to do what I wanted to do anyway. If she agrees with me, maybe it’s not the most reckless thing I could do.
And realistically, what’s the alternative? Things keep going the way they have been? How much longer can I keep that up? Is it even still a possibility now that Landon has dragged us both across this line?
Maybe it’s an excuse to support that action I want to take, but it’s also where we are right now. Landon has brought chaos and stress into all our lives since the moment we moved in. Is it unimaginable that I want a break from that?
It sounds good, but a little voice in the back of my head whispers that I may have it wrong. As controlling and chaotic as Landon was when he hadnoviable claim on me, couldn’t it be worse if he feels he does?
But I tell myself I’m putting the cart way ahead of the horse.
Like Hannah said, I’ll keep watch for the red flags. I’ll play it smart; I’ll keep things under control. I can control more from the inside when it’s just the two of us, and honestly, now that he’s fucked me, he doesn’t have the same arsenal he had before.
I can handle Landon Atwater.
I’ve had to for years.
Hell, years ago, Iwantedthis.
Maybe somehow, it won’t end in pain and heartbreak.
Maybe now he’ll actually let me in.
Chapter Thirty-One
Parker
Landon is waiting for me in his spot in front of the school.
I’m reminded of the first day when he was supposed to give me a ride home, but he was too busy being a jerk.
I wasn’t looking forward to getting in his car that day anyway, but the apprehension I feel now is unmatched.
Lower the stakes, Parker.
There’s no need to psych myself out. It’s just a car ride. With Landon Atwater. What could possibly go wrong?
I crack a faint smile at my own joke, but it helps bring me back down and level out the giddiness as I approach the passenger side of his car.
