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I shake off that insanity and get back to my smoothie. I can’t stop thinking about that brief interaction, though. I have literally been dreading it since he bent me over the couch and did what he did to me that night. The dread had built up and hardened because I had no idea what to expect of our next interaction. But that… that wasn’t so bad.
“Hey, honey.”
My gaze jumps over to Mom, putting her purse on the counter.
“Hey, Mom.”
She comes over to give me a kiss on the temple. “Did you sleep well?”
I nod, flashing her a smile. “Yeah, I did. You?”
Hayden comes around the corner, already dressed for work with his briefcase in hand. Mom glances at him, then smiles softly as she nods, but she doesn’t say a word.
It’s a bittersweet smile, one that feels as true as the mountain of lies I’ve told since moving in with the Atwaters.
We never used to lie to each other before them.
At least I know if she lost any sleep—for a bad reason, anyway—it wasn’t because of Hayden. It was the younger Atwater and concern for me keeping her up at night.
Last night may have been the first night since we moved in that was entirely unwarranted, though. I was so distracted by Javi, I didn’t think of Landon once.
Okay, not more than once.
Okay, not more than a couple of times.
The point is, I thought about him less, and even when I did, the thoughts weren’t as potent.
Until he cornered you in the kitchen and you couldn’t breathe because he was standing so close.
I scowl at my own unhelpful thought and the bite of guilt that comes with it. I know I’ve only been texting Javi for less than a day, but I’ve enjoyed it so much. Ilikehim, so Landon’s inconveniently dominant physical presence shouldn’t still work like that, should it?
I’m probably being unreasonable. The thing with Javi is new. The thing with Landon is very old. Even if it does turn into something with Javi, I’m sure it will take a little time before Landon becomes utterly powerless over me. Old habits die hard and all that, right?
I’m in new territory and lacking a roadmap, so I pour my smoothie into a to-go cup and decide to do what I always do when there’s something I don’t thoroughly understand.
Research it.
___
I only have a little time to hit up the school library before my first class, but I’m able to grab a couple of books to check out and take with me.
Andreas Capellanus wrote a book codifying the rules of courtly love in the twelfth century, and because I’m thorough, I decide that’s a good place to start.
Having a book to bury my nose in makes it easier to ignore Landon in the classes we have together, too. I read it until the bell rings, and then, like yesterday, I’m out the door.
I’m still reading at lunch. Hannah is sitting with me, but she doesn’t mind. She scrolls on her phone while I read, and I pop my head up when I want her input.
“Do you think it’s possible to like two people at once?”
Her eyebrows rise, then draw together as she thinks about it. “I don’t know,” she says after a few seconds. “Possibly. I’ve never tried.”
“Capellanus is pretty firmly against the idea.”
Hannah shrugs. “Different folks, different strokes. Also different times, but I don’t have to tell you that.” She nods at the book. “What’s with the side project?”
“I started texting Javi last night,” I confess.
Her eyes widen. “Oh yeah? How’s it going?”
