Page 112 of Surrender


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He grips my hips tighter and increases the pace, pounding into me so hard it hurts, but it feels incredible, too. The pleasure-pain only heightens my senses, leaving me gasping desperately for my next breath and crying out. He slams into me, his cock going deep, his balls slapping my ass. Just when I don’t think I can take anymore, and I know I’m close to exploding, he reaches around and pushes a finger into me, finding my clit and rubbing.

After nearly coming three times before, that nub is so stimulated, he hardly has to do more than touch it.

I come apart, and he drives deep, hard and fast, triggering a twin explosion of pleasure that erupts like hot lava inside me. I scream and cry out as wave after wave of violent pleasure assaults me. I can’t handle the intensity. My body shudders, and I hear the broken cries coming out of me, but I can’t control it. My vision is blurred, but there’s white-hot pleasure and bright pops of light like little stars in the sky.

I feel like my soul has been ripped open and sucked out of me when I come back down. Pleasure still ripples through me, but I feel helpless and a little broken.

Silvan pulls out of me and rolls me over. He’s still on top of me and still hard since he hasn’t come yet. But he seems to understand how fragile I am, so he gathers me close, kissing my forehead and holding me against his body as he reaches down to push his cock back into me.

He holds me like that and uses my body to get himself off. I don’t participate, but he doesn’t seem to mind. When he comes, he holds me so close and so tight, I feel like I can’t breathe. He releases me after a moment and sinks into the mattress with me still in his arms, my face pressed against his chest.

My body still feels oddly hollow, but I’m so grateful for that burst of blinding pleasure, I pepper his chest with soft little kisses to express my appreciation.

His arm curls around me tighter in a gesture that feels like protection and fills me with warmth.

We lay there like that for a while. Once I’ve regained enough of my bearings to speak, I try to pull back, but Silvan keeps me pulled tight against him, his big hand covering my tit. He nuzzles into my neck, burying his face in my hair and breathes me in. “I’m fucking obsessed with you.”

My stomach flutters and my heart feels funny, but that’s an intense thing to hear.

Especially when I think he might mean it.

His hand slides into my hair, gripping the back of my head and pulling me close to his chest. “I can never let you go.”

The words feel raw, not like a line or even something he expects me to be particularly happy to hear. Just an admission he needs to share, maybe even a warning.

I lick my lips, but my mouth is dry. I try to think what to say.

He knows I don’t feel the way he does, so I know he doesn’t expect reciprocation. He also blackmailed and raped me as recently as last night, so I know I’m well within my rights to gut him while he’s vulnerable if I really want to.

But I don’t want to.

I may not feel the way he does, but I don’t want tohurtSilvan. I just want him to leave me alone.

Don’t I?

I can’t say my feelings about it were uncomplicated when I thought he had. A small part of me felt disappointed. Just because I thought he proved he was like everybody else and would drop me like I meant nothing after coming on so strong?

Or was it something else?

I don’t know, but I don’t even know if I can trust this obsessive feeling he has for me. What if it fades? What if he’s just caught up?

I imagine how fucking crushed I would be if I overrode all my common sense about Silvan and ignored every impulse not to trust him, and then he turned out to be just like other guys. I imagine having to watch him replace me, and what an absolute fool I would feel like for lowering my guard when I had every reason to keep it up.

He’s asking too much.

I’m not equipped for it.

He should have become obsessed with someone else.

There are a lot of reasons I should probably feel sad as I lie there in his arms, but the reason I do isn’t any of the sensible ones.

The truth feels like a lump in my throat. I’m not even sure I want to admit it, but since he’s opening himself up to me, I offer a bit of honesty back. “I don’t know if I can give you what you want.”

I’m tense as I wait for his response. I’m not sure what I expect, but probably for him to be angry about my refusal to give in to him.

Dylan would have been angry.

Silvan isn’t.

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