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“Oh? Then what were y’all discussing?” I pass my plate over to Jolene so she can put some asparagus on for me. She was greedy with it. She’s probably hoping there will be leftovers for her to chow down on later. She passes her plate to me for lasagna. Well, two can play the stingy game. I give her a portion fit for an infant.
“Really?” she asks in any annoyed tone.
“Fine.” I scoop a tiny bit more, but she doesn’t say anything this time. She rolls her eyes and takes her plate.
I refocus my attention on Mom and Aunt Carly at the other end of the table, waiting for a response. They don’t say anything for a long, drawn-out minute. The table is completely silent. I swear I hear crickets chirping outside. This is so weird. Sunday dinner is always filled with laughter and everyone trying to talk over each other. It’s like a competition for who has the best bit of town gossip. We’ve neveronce sat in awkward silence before. I should’ve kept my mouth shut.
“Well, Josiah has finally made the leap and quit his job at the marketing firm, and he’s going to be working for himself doing his graphic design,” Aunt Carly finally says, expertly steering the conversation where she wants it to go. Her face is beaming with pride as if he’s still a young boy and she’s announcing that he made the varsity football team or he’s a National Merit Scholar. Both things that were true for him in high school. She’s never lacked for things to brag about when it comes to Josiah.
This news is surprising to me, though. This is something he’s been talking about doing for months…years, actually. I didn’t know he was so close to pulling the trigger, though. I thought he was still months away from quitting his job. But he finally did it, and he didn’t tell me. He’s had so many opportunities over the weekend. He always tells me everything. The same way I tell him everything. I’ve always been the first person he runs to with news, no matter how big or small. The same way he’s the first person I go to. Or at least I thought it was the same for both of us. I would have told him the second I turned in my two weeks’ notice. Actually, I would have told him before I turned it in. He wouldn’t be hearing about it after the fact from my mother!
“That’s great news!” I say, making extra sure to sound cheery. I don’t want him to know I’m offended to be finding out at the same time as everyone else, because I know how silly it is of me. It shouldn’t matter that I’m not the first to know. But it does bother me that I didn’t get to hear it from him and hear all the excitement and triumph in his voice. I would have cheered him on and celebrated with him, and I didn’t get to do that. I feel totally ripped off. I guess I could still celebrate with him, but all his initial excitement is gone.Now all the worry about the future has set in. I can see it all over his face. I feel deflated, and I know that’s selfish of me.
“Is there going to be tiramisu for dessert?” I ask Mom. I’m feeling an overwhelming desire to drown myself in sweets lately.
5
Josiah
I love my mom more than anything. I really do. But sometimes I wish I could duct tape her mouth shut. I know that sounds mean, but she’s such a blabbermouth. She’s always revealing things I’d rather keep private, and she’s just announced to the entire Barker family that I quit my job to start my own graphic design business. I’ve been planning this for years— since before I even graduated from college—so it’s not a total surprise to them. I just wanted to keep it to myself for a little while because I didn’t want to have to field all the questions that I have zero answers for yet.
I was previously working for a pretty big marketing firm. It was a good job. It was close to town, it paid well, and I liked most of the people I worked with. The only problem was I had no creative freedom whatsoever. Everything I did was overseen by supervisors, and I always had to bow to their wishes. I didn’t get to choose my clients. My clients didn’t even get to choose me, actually. I didn’t get to work inmy own style. I had to follow the company’s style that they were known for throughout the industry. Not exactly exciting work for someone with an artistic mindset.
Now I’m all on my own, and I have exactly zero clients. Due to contract constraints with my previous employer, I wasn’t able to do any freelance work to build up a clientele before leaving the company. They didn’t want me pilfering clients from them. My only option was to be very diligent and save as much money as I could so that I could have something to live on while I worked to get my new business started. And here I am. Finally! After four years of scrimping and saving, I’m free to do as I wish. And I’m terrified. I just hope I don’t end up having to move back in with my mom to avoid destitution. It’s not something I aspire to at twenty-six years old.
I take a quick glance at Ellis, and as expected, she looks surprised and hurt by this unexpected news. I know she would have wanted to hear the news directly from me. She would have a made a huge deal out of it. She would have whooped and hollered and celebrated like it was the most exciting thing to ever happen. But celebrate what? All I did was quit my job. I haven’t actually accomplished anything yet, so it would have felt foolish. I want to celebrate eventually…when I can actually pay an entire month’s bills without tapping into my savings. Maybe when I can start paying into my Roth IRA again. That’s when it will feel like I’ve accomplished my goal. Right now, it just feels like I’ve jumped off a cliff with no safety net. I’m free-falling, hoping I don’t crash land.
“Do you have anything you’re working on right now?” Uncle John asks. He always loves to talk about business and work. The man has spent the majority of his life in banking and investments, and I truly think he has loved every minuteof it. I hope someday very soon I can love my work as much as he loves his.
“Uh, no. Not yet. I plan to get my website up and running this week. Maybe put up some ads…I don’t really know.” Uncle John’s face looks skeptical. This is exactly why I wanted to keep this quiet for a little while. I didn’t want to tell them that I don’t have a solid plan in place, that this is all trial and error basically. It was a foolish move to quit my job before having a ten-step plan laid out and ready to implement. But when my boss scolded me in front of my colleagues for not following the very strict guidelines for a branding package I was working on, I lost it. I had done exactly what he told me to do. It’s not my fault his ideas and instructions were crap. I turned in my ID and keycard on the spot. It was one of the most reckless things I’ve ever done. I didn’t exactly tell my mom all about that, which is probably why she sees no problem bragging to all our friends.
I’ve never had a dad. The punk that knocked my mom up in college walked away and never looked back, but Uncle John has always been somewhat of a father figure for me. I hate seeing the worry, doubt, and concern for me in his eyes. I just want him to approve of me and my choices. I want everyone to approve. I don’t want to look like a foolish child, which is why I wanted to keep this private until I had a better handle on the situation.
“You should set up social media accounts for your business,” Jolene says in an enthusiastic voice. She looks around the room like she’s trying to persuade everyone that it’s the best idea she’s ever had. I swear, I die a little inside just hearing those words, though. I hate everything to do with social media. If I wanted a thousand people to see my every move, I’d just invite them all to come hang out with me. I don’t need or want random strangers on the internet watchingmy day play back to them or commenting their opinions on the way I live my life. If you ask me, life was better before everyone became obsessed with how many likes and follows they get online. I just want to be left alone. Okay, not completely alone. There are a few select people I want to keep around.
“That’s hilarious, Jolene! Do you know who you’re talking to?” Ellis laughs as she spreads butter on her piece of bread and nudges my shoulder. I feel my cheeks burn and turn my attention to my clasped hands in my lap. “Josiah would rather die than show his face on socials. He’s very morally superior to us that way.”
I cut a scathing look at Ellis, and she just widens her eyes and purses her lips, daring me to contradict her. I’ve never viewed my disdain for social media as morally superior. I get that different people have different interests. Some people like sharing their day-to-day lives with thousands of strangers, and that’s fine for them. I don’t understand them, but I don’t need to. I, on the other hand, like my privacy. I don’t want to meet someone new and wonder if they’re now stalking my online presence to find out everything there is to know about me. I like to get to know people the old-fashioned way—you know, talking to them and asking them questions. I want them to form their opinions about me based on interactions we’ve had together, not opinions they’ve formed from thirty-second videos or two-lined tweets. Is that so wrong of me? I don’t think so.
“You should think about it, Josiah. My business exploded when I started posting makeup videos online,” Jolene adds. Jolene is a very successful makeup artist, and she has a huge social media following. She even gets brand deals with makeup companies. I didn’t know you could be so successful doing makeup for people, but she’s really making it happen.And for very good reason. She’s calm, understanding, and caring. Some would say makeup isn’t that serious, but her biggest clientele base are brides. She knows exactly what to do and say to keep even the biggest bridezilla at ease. They always end up looking like royalty, and every woman deserves to feel beautiful on the most important day of their life.
I shrug and nod, agreeing that it’s something to consider, mostly just to appease her. I know she’s right. The way to reach people my age or younger is through social media. Marketing is different than it used to be. The old way of putting up ads doesn’t really cut it anymore. But do I really want to go the social media route?
“I’ll think about it,” I say, and Jolene gives an excited squeal as if it’s already a done deal. Did she miss the part where I saidthink? All three sisters lean in and begin discussing different things I could post to get traction…whatever that means.
“I said I’dthinkabout it. Emphasis on the think,” I say, but none of them are listening to me. In twenty seconds, they already have seven posts planned out for me. I’m really going to need to reel this in before it blows up in my face.
“The world is going to love you. I mean, look at this face,” Ellis says, grabbing my chin and turning my head every which way to inspect it. The table erupts in laughter, but I don’t miss the conspiratorial look exchanged between the two moms.
6
Ellis
I desperately need a nap before my shift tonight, but sleep is completely evading me thanks to this overactive brain of mine. Thoughts are racing through my head a mile a minute. Thoughts of what’s in store for my future…and now Josiah’s future as well.
I enjoy my job. How could I not? Watching new life enter into the world is a wonder to behold. I love helping moms through one of the most challenging times of their lives— comforting them and encouraging them when they feel like they can’t go on for one moment more is an honor. But sometimes it’s draining and more clinical than I ever thought it would be. Sometimes I imagine burning all my pink scrubs that are cluttering my closet and starting over with something new. I just don’t know what that would be yet. I’ve never given it much thought until this week because for years the end goal was to eventually end up in Los Angeles, supporting Brandon’s career. I kind of figured once we got to that point Iwouldn’t need to work anymore. That’s not happening anymore, obviously. I never actuallywantedto go LA, so I’m not devastated or anything. I never wanted to be that far away from my family. I just knew it was a necessary step in Brandon’s budding music career.
My younger sister, Devon, lives all the way in Boston where she’s a soloist in The Boston Ballet Company. She loves what she does, but I’ve seen how hard it is for her to be so far away. She hates missing family get-togethers and not having Mom and Dad nearby when she’s having a hard time. But her career demands it. She lives and breathes ballet, and she worked too hard to give it all up just to be close to family. My career, however, can be done literally anywhere in the world because babies are born everywhere!
