AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“That Landon guy was totally hitting on you the whole time we were there. It’s like I wasn’t there right next to you,”he says as if he’s actually offended that a man had the audacity to notice me. This is the last thing I expected him to say. I thought his competitive nature was just getting the best of him. I don’t know what to think about this, though.
“No he wasn’t. He didn’t say a single suggestive thing to me,” I say, laughing at the absurd direction this conversation has taken.
“Ellis, it wasn’t the words he was saying. It was all in the body language, and I saw the way he was looking at you when you weren’t paying attention,” he says, sitting back up and leveling me with an intense stare. How was Landon looking at me? Actually, I’m not sure I want to know. It doesn’t matter anyway. I am in no way interested in the guy. Sure, he was nice and good looking, but I’m not ready to go there with anyone yet. But why does Josiah care so much if another man is showing interest in me? He’s not my keeper, and I’m a grown woman. If a man wants to flirt with me or ask me out on a date, I’m old enough to worry about that myself.
“Why do you care? I’m single now, remember?” I remind him, and I don’t know what to make of the face he levels at me. His eyes darken, and those muscles in his jaw clench tight in that way that makes my mouth water. He huffs out an exasperated breath.
“You’ve only been single for a week. Do you really think you’re ready to date again?” he asks.
I take a minute to think about it before saying anything. The answer isn’t so simple. I’m not grieving my relationship like I feel I should be. I’m not lying awake at night, crying into my pillow from missing Brandon. In fact, I hardly think about him until someone else brings him up, which tells me that our relationship was over long before either of us ever admitted it…or before I did anyway. He apparently knew, considering the fact that he had already moved on with someone new.
I think, deep down, I knew it was going to end eventually, but after so many years devoted to a relationship, it felt impossible to walk away. I knew I wasn’t feeling fulfilled, but I had hoped I could find a way to save it. To save us. I’ve never known when to quit, but it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to learn.
While I’m not devastated, I also don’t think I’m ready to jump into anything new yet. I think I’d like to experience the single life for a little while. I’d like to get dressed up and go out with a group of girlfriends and not worry about trying to impress a man. I’d like to figure out exactly who I am without having to worry about someone else’s feelings and emotions. I haven’t experienced that in so long—since my freshman year of college. I don’t even remember what it’s like.
I just need to focus on myself for a little while. I used to think it sounded so selfish when I heard other people say that. Like, why do you need months to think about you? You’ve been with you your whole life, right? But now I get it. Over the six years that I was with Brandon, I lost sight of who I am. I’m not the same person I was at the beginning. I’m not sure who I am anymore, and now I’m desperate to find myself again. How can I do that if I’m jumping into another relationship and trying to figure out who a new person is? Easy answer: I can’t.
“No, I’m not ready to date,” I say. Josiah closes his eyes in relief for a split second and opens his mouth to say something in response, but I continue before he gets a word out. “But Landon doesn’t know anything about me. He didn’t know I just got out of a long-term relationship. Why did you have to be so rude to him and ruin the whole experience?” I ask.
Josiah’s cheeks turn pink. He has always been a blusher, much to his dismay. I think it’s adorable. Who wouldn’t love a giant, burly man blushing like a little girl? I made the mistake of telling him that once, and it only made him turn redder. Thebrightest red I’ve ever seen. I wish I would have snapped a picture of it. I’d take it out and look at it on days I need a good laugh.
“I just didn’t like him looking at you like that,” he grumbles.
“But why?” I ask, pushing harder than I should. I’m sure he’s seen guys check me out before, and it probably won’t be the last time. I can’t control what someone else does or doesn’t do, and neither can he. It’s just a part of life. Men are going to look at me. Is it annoying? Yes. But it’s not the end of the world.
“I just didn’t, okay,” he says. He’s getting testier by the second. He grinds his jaw and looks around the diner. “Where’s the waitress?” he asks, refusing to make eye contact with me.
He couldn’t be… I don’t even want to think it because it’s just too ridiculous. But is he jealous? Surely not. Josiah and I literally grew up together. We saw each other through our awkward puberty phases. We’ve spent Christmases together, where we both got out of bed at the crack of dawn and laughed at each other’s bedhead. He watched me perform in a musical in ninth grade…and I can’t sing to save my life. Why that teacher gave me that solo, I’ll never know. And I’ll probably never forgive her for it either. He’s never let me live it down.
Josiah saw me when my face was covered in pimples and my high school nemesis made me ugly cry because she said I looked like a pepperoni pizza. Why would he be jealous of a guy who I barely even gave a second glance?
No, he can’t be jealous. It must be something else. He must be trying to fill the role of a brother by acting all protective of me. He’s simply being a good friend and trying to make sure I don’t rush into anything. He’s making sure the men stay far,far away. But that wouldn’t explain why he’s looking exceedingly embarrassed right now.
Seventy-six thousand views and counting. I posted the video of Josiah and me at the rock-climbing gym last night before going to bed, not expecting anything to happen with it. It’s the first video I’ve posted on this account, and the video isn’t that exciting. I just put a few shots of both of us climbing and Landon doing his thing, and then I did a quick voice-over talking about our experience. It’s pretty simple. Nothing that thousands of people would want to watch—or at least, that’s what I thought.
We weren’t even any good at it. We were tragically bad at it, to be completely honest. Why isthisblowing up? I almost didn’t post it because of how bad the day was. Josiah barely even smiled for the camera. He looks grumpy in almost all the clips he’s in. My voice-over leaned very heavily on the sarcasm to detract from all of his scowling. It would appear the tactic worked. People are eating it up.
Oh look, we’re already at 77,500 in the last ten minutes.
It would appear that I have no clue what people are interested in, because I am an overnight success…literally. Or maybe I’m a genius. Who knows? All I know is that I’m completely flabbergasted by this turn of events. Normally it takes people months to get views like this. I don’t evenwantviews like this. I’m doing this for fun and to have something to look back on. That’s it. I’m not trying to be an influencer. Gosh, that word almost makes me cringe a little.
I thoughtmaybemy videos would inspire a few people to go out and try new things and live life to the fullest. I know I’m not the only one who has felt trapped and just dying to getout there and reinvent themself. I never dreamed of this happening, though.
But it looks like the only thing people are taking from the video is an opportunity to lust after a couple of studly men. The comment section is full of women gushing over both Josiah and our instructor, Landon. I don’t blame them for noticing the guys. They are both conventionally attractive men. If I hadn’t stamped myself with the emotionally unavailable label, I might be tempted to drool over them too. What am I saying? Drool over Josiah? No. No. Absolutely not.
I should find some way to tag Landon in the video, but he might not like the influx of women leaving suggestive comments on his stuff. Or he might love it. I don’t know. I scroll for a while, and some of these comments are making me blush. I might need to bleach my eyeballs after reading some of this. How do they have the guts to type out these words on someone else’s video? Don’t they know we’re real people on the other side of the screen?
I’m glad to see success on my account, but at what cost?! I don’t know how Josiah is going to feel about this. Actually, I do. He’s going to hate it. Should I even tell him? He’ll probably ban me from posting his videos if I do, and his grumpy face is half the reason thirty-thousand people (mostly women) followed me last night. What to do, what to do? The right thing would be to tell him.
Jolene practically busts down my door and runs and jumps on my bed right next to me. Why is she so perky at seven-thirty in the morning? It should be punishable by law to act this way before the sun is even fully up. If she doesn’t stop that squealing, she’s going to make my head explode.
“Have you seen your video? It’s going viral!” she screams. I slam a pillow in her face to shut her up. It’s Saturday, and she’s going to wake up the entire house. Dad would not appreciatethat. Oh my gosh, he’s going to come out of his room in his underwear to tell us to be quiet, like he used to do in the middle of the night when we were teenagers. I would rather die than see that.
“Do you know what time it is?” I ask.
“Yeah, of course,” she says as if it’s completely normal to be barging into other people’s rooms at the butt crack of dawn on a Saturday.
“Why are you awake…and looking so put together?” I ask after taking a good look at her. Her hair and makeup are done to perfection, and she’s wearing black structured pants with a black, fitted t-shirt. And she’s totally wearing my favorite black loafers. Little thief. I choose to ignore it, but those shoes better reappear in my closet by tonight, or she’s getting an earful tomorrow.
