Page 23 of Always You


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There’s a little loose curl at the nape of her neck that’s stuck to the sweat there. It’s mesmerizing, and I want nothing more than to wrap it around my finger. I’m lost in my daydream, staring at Ellis, and I’m startled out of my thoughts when Valerie whispers in my ear.

“Like what you see?” she says. I nearly jump out of myskin. I hadn’t realized she was beside me. Her hands are on her hips, and her eyebrows are raised in a look that says she knows exactly what was just going through my mind. “Get back to work, Mr. Jacobs,” she says in a prim voice, sounding very pleased with herself.

I shake out my tired, achy muscles and get back into the pose, while my entire body screams for me to stop.Just give up,it says. And I want to give it what it wants. You’re supposed to listen to your body’s cues, right?

Yoga is the worst. I can’t believe this is actually fun for some people. Like, right now, Ellis is looking at me with a huge smile on her face like she’s enjoying every second of my torment. Her arms are finally shaking a little, but to her, I guess it’s no big deal. Her body is used to this from taking Valerie’s class every week for years.

Finally, Valerie tells us to relax for a minute and get a drink of water. I gulp my entire water bottle down in a matter of seconds. I wipe some water from my chin, and then Valerie calls us back to our mats. She guides us through a few stretches to cool down. They’re better than holding the poses, but it’s still awful. If I was meant to be stretchy, I would’ve been born a rubber band. Ellis, however, is the embodiment of a rubber band. She always has been. I remember when we were younger and she was still taking dance classes, she would sprawl out on the floor in the strangest stretches while watching a movie. She quit dance years and years ago, but apparently, she hasn’t lost any of the skills. The stretch she’s doing right now is inhuman.

We do a few more stretches, each one worse than the last. After what feels like ten lifetimes, the class is over. Finally! People gather up their things and trickle out the door. Valerie and Ellis huddle around Ellis’s phone, laughing while I lie on the floor, writhing in agony over my poor, aching body. I’mnever doing yoga again. Ever! I wouldn’t even do it if I was offered a million dollars. I’m never walking past this studio again for fear that some malicious being will drag me in here and force me to participate in another one of these torture sessions.

I can never tell Caleb about this. He’d harass me until I was forced to flee town. Better yet, I should drag him to one of these classes so he can eat his hateful words. I know he’d be just as terrible at it as I am. The thought of watching Caleb fail epically at yoga puts a smile on my face. I’d have to trick him into attending. He’d never come willingly.

A shadow falls over my face, so I peek my eyes open. Ellis is standing over me, trying to hold in a laugh. I drape an arm over my face, but everything feels sweaty and gross, so I lay it back down beside me and settle for closing my eyes. I can’t look at her right now. I don’t need to see her moving around effortlessly and be reminded of my inferiority. How is she walking at a time like this?

“Come on, big guy,” she says, no longer bothering to hide her amusement. She’s full-on laughing. I should be insulted, but I don’t have it in me right now. She grasps my hand to pull me up but obviously makes no progress. I weigh almost twice as much as her. She tries to pull me up again, and as she does, she takes a step forward. She trips on my leg and ends up sprawled on top of me with her face right on top of my sweaty chest. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around her to make sure she’s okay. She starts laughing and moves to curl her body into a ball, but her knee lands right in my crotch. Blinding light flashes behind my eyes, and my stomach clenches. My abs protest at being used again. I think I might puke. There’s a horrible keening sound coming from somewhere. It takes me a minute to figure out it’s coming from me.

Ellis slides off me and sits on her knees beside me. “Oh mygosh, I’m so sorry,” she says in a pinched voice. She pats my shoulder but then pulls her hand back, looks at it in disgust, and wipes my sweat off on her skintight workout pants. I’d be offended if I weren’t in so much pain.

I roll over onto my side and grab her around the waist. She squeals like a schoolgirl as I pull her down to me and tuck her into my arms, under my chin. I take a deep breath, and the pain finally starts to subside.

“You’re all sweaty, Josiah,” she says, laughing. I roll over a little more until she’s on her back and I’m halfway on top of her. Her eyes grow wide, and her mouth is parted in shock. I lean in and wipe my sweaty face all over hers. She acts disgusted, but she’s just as sweaty as I am, and I know she’s not that grossed out, because she’s laughing hysterically. I lean back to watch her. She has the best laugh, and it has been way too long since I’ve heard it like this. So free and careless, as if she’s not worried about anyone or anything around her. I could watch her like this all day, every day, for the rest of my life. She calms down and then notices me watching her. The smile falls from her face, and her brows scrunch together in curiosity.

“What?” she asks just before glancing at my mouth. I swipe a sweaty strand of hair from her face and then lean in just a bit…and then just a bit more. She doesn’t protest. My lips are only an inch away from hers, and I wonder if she will meet me the rest of the way. She tilts her chin up ever so slightly, and I hold my breath, waiting for her to make contact. Before I get a chance to find out what she’ll do, Valerie comes back into the room from her office.

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! I’ll just go!” she screams at the top of her lungs. She’s covering her eyes like she just witnessed something horrendous. Ellis pushes on my chest toget me to move. Suddenly, my aching body is all but forgotten. I jump up and pull Ellis up beside me.

“What was that?” Valerie asks in a hushed voice as if someone might overhear. She looks around the room, but everyone else from the class has already left.

“Nothing,” Ellis says, scratching her forehead and turning to walk away from me. She gathers up her things and rolls up her mat in silence. Valerie doesn’t believe her for a second. She’s watching Ellis with squinty eyes.

“I’ll pretend to believe her,” she mumbles under her breath beside me. I think she’s talking to me, but I’m not sure. She slides her phone to me and says, “Look at the video I got of y’all during class.”

I push thoughts of Ellis from my mind and watch the video. I immediately know this is what she and Ellis were laughing at a few minutes ago. I also know this will most likely be the next thing Ellis posts on her socials. I can’t wait to see what everyone will comment on that. I should prepare to go into hiding now.

The pounding on my door jolts me out of my daydreaming. I throw my hands up in front of myself, ready to fight, until I realize there’s no immediate threat. I’ve spent the day working on my fourth commission for my new graphic design business. Work has been slowly trickling in ever since Ellis posted the knitting video. People really blew that video up. I’m just hoping these clients will start to refer me to others and business starts to pick up a little more for me. I don’t want to live off my savings indefinitely, and I don’t want to have to go find another job at another marketing firm. That would be a humbling experience.

I don’t know how long I’ve been zoned out. A glance at the clock tells me it’s been a long time and that I’m late for the gym with Caleb.

I swing the door open, and the man himself is standing in the doorway, scowling at me. He doesn’t wait for me to invite him in or step aside before he barges into my apartment. He looks around my living room, and his scowl deepens. The place is a mess. It’s more than a mess, actually. It looks like a hurricane, a tornado, and an earthquake all ransacked the place at once. I’ve spent every waking moment working on these commissions, trying to get them perfect. I’ve been a man obsessed. They’re my first clients, and everything hinges on their satisfaction with the work I put out.

The few moments that I haven’t been working, I’ve been thinking about Ellis and agonizing over what almost happened the other day after the yoga class. It has been two whole days, and I haven’t seen or heard from her. I’m dying over here. We almost kissed. I almost kissed my best friend, and then no phone call, no text, no email, letter, or carrier pigeon? Does she want to pretend like it never happened?

I’m trying to let her make the first move, because I know things are scary for her right now. She’s been going through a lot, and I don’t want to overwhelm her or make her feel pressured. I want her to come to me when she’s ready, but a quick text just to let me know that she doesn’t hate my guts or feel repulsed by me would be really great right about now.

“What’s going on with you?” Caleb asks as he grabs the dirty dishes and cups that are scattered around my living room and piled on my table and tosses them into my sink. I gasp. My favorite mug was in that pile of dishes. Ellis bought it for me the first time she went to Boston to see Devon perform in her first ballet with her company there. He better not havebroken it, or he’ll be getting on a plane to hunt me down a new one.

“Nothing,” I say, but Caleb isn’t an idiot and can see right through me. He gestures to all the filth surrounding us as if to say this isn’t me when I’m fine. I glance around my apartment and have the good sense to feel embarrassed.

It’s true. I’m not normally like this.

I’ve never been a neat freak. There’s usually a fine layer of dust coating all the hard surfaces of my rooms, and there will always be random junk scattered on my counters. But the current state of my apartment is beyond that.

Caleb rinses off the dishes and opens the dishwasher to load them. He groans deep in his chest when he finds the dishwasher full. At least they’re clean dishes, though. It could be worse. He starts unloading the dishes, putting things wherever he wants, while I take a few minutes to gather up the dirty clothes I’ve left laying all over the floor. Next, I put all my shoes on the shoe rack by my front door. Caleb grabs a trash bag and picks up trash, and I fold blankets and fluff pillows. Already the apartment feels like a new place. I’ll have to do some real cleaning and scrubbing soon, but at least now it’s livable. I’d hate to see my mother’s reaction to its previous state.

“Are you going to talk now?” Caleb asks. His voice is cold and almost brittle.

“I’m stressed. Like, I’ve never been this stressed before.” I try to just leave it at that, but Caleb raises a brow as if to tell me I’m not getting off that easy. “I’ve only had four commissions in the month since I’ve quit my job. Four. I can’t live on four commissions a month!”

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