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Once we get to Loch Ness, we load up onto a boat to take us on a scouting mission to try and see the ever elusive “Nessie.” The couple sitting beside me constantly makes jokes about seeing the monster, and I swear they haven’t stopped giggling since we got here. It’s sickening. Don’t they know that some of us on this tour don’t want to see their constant flirting? Some of us are missing our significant other! Geez! I think I kind of hate it here, actually.
No! I love it. It’s beautiful. Right? Right.
I mean, there are castle ruins right on the shore of the loch! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I’m not going to let myself squander it by pouting about a man. I snap a picture of the ruins and send it to my sisters. They both respond with heart-eye emojis. I wish it was Josiah, though.
Why am I torturing myself by distancing myself from him? The purpose of this trip has already been achieved. Is it really so bad that I miss him? There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone and share your dreams and passions with them. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to make sure your dreams and theirs can walk side by side with each other. I’ve had almost two full days by myself in Scotland, and that’s enough for me. This is not admitting defeat… I’m just inviting someone else along for the ride. I feel no shame as I pull up his number and hit the call button.
I listen to the phone ring and ring and ring. My heart sinks, and I’m just about to hang up when his voice answers on the other end. He sounds almost as relieved as I feel.
“Ellis, are you okay?” he asks. He doesn’t sound worried, though. Just happy to hear from me.
“I’m great. But I’d be even better if I had someone here to keep me company,” I say.
Hint, hint.
“You mean, you haven’t found a brawny man in a kilt to call you a ‘bonnie lass’ while he shows you around the city?” he asks.
“Oh, yes, Hamish McTavish just finished riding me around the highlands on the back of his noble steed just now, actually,” I quip, trying to hide the giggle from my voice. Josiah bursts out laughing at the notion. After a moment, the line goes silent, both of us holding our breath, waiting for the other to say something. Is he really going to make me ask him? I wait another moment to see if he’ll pick up on my hint, but he doesn’t. I’m dying here!
“Josiah, are you going to make me beg?”
“Ellis, whatever are you talking about?” he asks in a deceptively sweet and innocent voice. So, yes, he’s definitely going to make me beg. It’s the least I deserve after running away from him in Boston.
“Will you please get your gorgeous face on a plane to Edinburgh so I can kiss it?” I ask, practically yelling into my phone, causing the other tourists scattered around me to turn and look at me in shock and dismay.Please, as if that’s the most scandalous thing I could’ve said!The sickeningly sweet couple next to me is five seconds away from mauling each other’s faces. That’s way more shocking!
“I might be able to make that happen for you,” he says.
“If it’s too expensive for you, I’ll buy your ticket,” I say, trying to not sound too desperate, even though that’s exactly how I feel. I want to see him so badly and tell him everything I’m feeling in person, but I don’t want to leave Scotland yet. One, I paid too much to get here, so I’d like to make the most of it. Two days isn’t nearly long enough. And two, I’d reallylike to see Scotland with Josiah, and I can’t do that if he’s all the way in Texas.
“I know your business is just getting started, and you need to save as much money as you can, so it’s really no problem at all for me to buy your ticket. I just really want you here with me. I thought I’d be okay on my own here, but traveling alone is a bit lonely…go figure,” I say, rambling. He’s still so quiet on the other end of the line that I’m worried I lost him for a minute. I glance at my phone screen. It says he’s still there. “Hello? Are you there?” I say.
“I’m here. One second,” he says. I hear some clicking sounds on his end, but he still isn’t saying anything. “Done. I’ll see you at 9:00 in the morning your time,” he says.
“I’m sorry. What?”
“I just bought a plane ticket. I’ve been watching them religiously since you told me you were going, and my bag has been packed just in case since I got home from Boston.”
“You knew I’d ask you to come?” I ask breathlessly.
“No. I just hoped you would.”
My heart soars. He wanted to come to Scotland with me. He has had everything ready to get on the plane at a moment’s notice for the past two days because he wanted so badly to be here with me. And all this time, I could do nothing but think about him, wondering what he was doing and wishing he was here.
I love this man. I thought I knew what love was, but I was sorely mistaken before. Josiah has shown me what love can be, and I can’t wait to tell him exactly what he means to me.
20
Josiah
Ellis asked me to join her in Scotland. After nearly three days, I was starting to give up hope that she would. As soon as I got home from Boston, I looked up the weather forecast and repacked my suitcase. I scoured the internet for the most affordable plane tickets and did some calculations to see if I could make the sudden expense work with my budget. I’m still mostly living on my savings, but I think it will be okay. I’ll just live on ramen and peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches for a little while. Or maybe my mom will let me bum meals with her for the next month. I’ll figure it out.
The relief I felt when she finally called me was huge. I was starting to think that she was trying to back out of our relationship, and I’ve never felt such panic before. Hearing her voice on the other end of the line and knowing she was okay immediately set me at ease. I spent days worrying about her, wondering if she was resting enough, if she was feeling okay,if she was safe. I got absolutely no work done because I couldn’t focus on anything.
Now I’m sitting on a crowded plane, flying over an ocean to get to her. I’ve never done something so spontaneous. I’m a planner by nature. I like to know what I’m doing and when I’m doing it weeks, if not months, in advance. I can’t believe I’m doing this. But it’s for Ellis, so I actually kind of can believe it. I’ve already established that I’d do pretty much anything for her.
My stress level is through the roof. I have no idea what I’m going to do or say when I see her. I guess I’ll try my best to convince her she doesn’t want to give up on us…or on me. I know she’s scared—I am too. We’re risking so much by changing the dynamic of our relationship, but whatever we have between us is too good to pass up.
I wish I had been brave enough to tell her how I felt about her back in high school, but I was a terrified fifteen-year-old. I was a child. I didn’t know that I was setting myself up for years of agony watching her date a bunch of losers. Now that I finally have my chance with her, there’s no way I’m letting her go—not without saying my piece and making sure she knows exactly how much I love her, anyway. After that, it’s all in her hands, and I have to trust that she’ll make the right decision.
