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My entire family is gathered around me at the kitchen island. Even Devon is here from Boston. She’s visiting for the foreseeable future because she injured her foot and can’t dance at the moment. She refuses to talk about it, so it’s all very hush-hush. There has been plenty of whispering and speculating going on behind her back since she arrived unexpectedly a few weeks ago.
I’m holding the envelope in my clammy hands, too nervous to open it. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything to my parents and just opened it in the privacy of my bedroom. Now I have everyone’s hopeful, excited eyes boring into the side of my head, and I might disappoint them all. I mean, I would be the most disappointed, no doubt, but I don’t want to embarrass myself and have to endure their pity.
As soon as I saw the school’s logo on the envelope, I knew exactly what this was. It’s either going to congratulate me and be the start of a new chapter of my life, or it’s going to say, “We’re sorry to inform you that you have not been selected to be a part of our graduate program.”Please let it be the former.
I look at Josiah sitting right next to me. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me in for a kiss. “You got this,” he whispers in my ear before releasing me and giving me a reassuring head nod. I nod back, trying to look more confident than I feel.
With a deep breath and shaky hands, I open the envelope. The first word I read is “Congratulations.” Nothing else even computes before I’m crying and jumping up and down like a maniac. Everyone else joins in without a hint of hesitation. It’s like they all had no doubts that I’d be accepted. I, however, was full of doubts. Clifton University’s CNM program is highly competitive, and I know that a ton of smart, amazing nurses apply every semester. I can’t believe I got in. They chose me! I’m going to be a certified nurse midwife!
Josiah wraps his arms around me and spins me around to the cheers and applause of my family. “You’re going to be the best midwife in the entire world,” he says right before planting a kiss on my lips.
I’m grabbed by Mom and Dad next. They each kiss my cheeks and wrap me in warm hugs. “I knew you could do it,” Mom says. She’s crying, which only makes me cry even more than I already was.
“Are you proud of me?” I ask them. They both look at me in surprise.
“Oh, honey, there hasn’t been a day of your life that we haven’t been proud of you,” Dad says. It’s the only thing I needed to hear. I followed my heart, and it has led me here. How is this my life? How am I so lucky that all my dreams are coming true?
Tomorrow is the day I take the next step toward a new start. I’m so nervous about all my classes. They’re going to be so hard, and I don’t know if I remember how to study. When I graduated from Clifton University with my BSN over four years ago, I thought I was finished forever. I never dreamed I would come back here to continue my education.
Today, however, is the day where Josiah and I close a chapter. We’re sitting in the living room of my new apartment, getting ready to film the last video for my socials. I started the account as a way to document myself starting over and finding myself again. I didn’t know that’s what I was doing at the time, but it’s what ended up happening. I didn’t find a new hobby or do anything especially groundbreaking, but I learned things about myself and inspired women to do the same. Just last week, I had a woman message me to tell me she booked a solo trip to France. If she hadn’t seen my video about going to Scotland alone, she never would have been brave enough to do it. I’m glad I could inspire her to take the leap of faith.
But now that I’m starting school and feel like my life is moving in a direction I’m happy with, I don’t feel the need to keep sharing anymore. It’s time to step away from the camera…at least for a little while. I’ll be too busy going to school and working part-time at the hospital here in Clifton to worry about posting on social media.
Josiah is overjoyed that this ‘season’ is coming to an end. That’s an understatement— he’s ecstatic. He’s so dramatic. I hardly ever filmed him for my videos after those first few.
But before he gets his total freedom, we have to make this video. It’s just a quick little goodbye to the thousands of people who followed along on my quest for identity.
Josiah sits down beside me on the couch and nods his head. I lean forward and press the record button. And then I start blabbering on and on. I thank them for encouraging me and cheering me on. I tell them I wish them all the best. And then I give them what they really want. I tell them Josiah and I are officially a couple and that we have been for months and months now. I never told them before because we wanted to keep that aspect of our lives private for a while. It was so new and precious to us that it felt wrong to put it out there for the world to scrutinize. But we’ve had followers rooting for us since the beginning. It felt cruel not to give them that little bit of satisfaction in the end.
After we’re done recording the video, we both lean back against my couch and breathe a sigh of relief. It’s done, and now we can move on with our lives.
“What do you want to do now?” Josiah asks.
“I don’t care, as long as it’s with you.”
