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“Showing up for sex and then leaving to lift weights with the guys early the next morning is not prioritizing me.”
“I’m the captain of the team, Cassia. I can’t just not show up. And you were pushing me toward your bed, eager to get off those nights, not asking to talk.”
She scoffs. “Isn’t there another tent you can sleep in?”
“Aside from this one that I brought and set up? Nope, I’m good.”
“Didn’t Finn bring a tent? Mark? Grace?”
I laugh incredulously. “You’re telling me to go sleep inGrace’stent?”
“According to McKenzie, she’d greet you with open arms. Open legs, rather.” She snorts.
I’m having trouble keeping up with the conversation. And I have no clue what the right thing to say is anymore.
I know Cassia’s drunk. I said nothing when she was tossing back drinks earlier, certain of exactly how badly that would go over.
I didn’t see Cassia talking to McKenzie and have no clue why she would have said something to Cassia about Grace.
“So?”
“So, she’s after you because she ‘had you first.’ Isn’t that nice?”
Cassia’s tone is the vocal equivalent of a land mine. There’s a lot of emotion simmering beneath the flippant words, so I tread carefully.
“Nice? I’d call it psychotic. I’m not interested in Grace.”
“But youwere. You’ve had sex with her, right?”
I exhale. “Cassia…” I’m not sure what else to say.
Foolishly, I guess, I thought we were far past this. I haven’t kissed another girl since the first time we hooked up—nearly four years ago.
Cheating on Cassia has never occurred to me.
Iloveher. There’s emotion behind every kiss or touch we share. Before her, sex was mechanical. Another form of exercisethat was all pleasure and no pain. An escape less destructive than flying fists or stolen whiskey.
I thought it was less destructive, at least. I was in no shape to be in a committed relationship back then, and based on where things stand between us now, maybe I’m still not. I faced two options—losing her or changing for her—and picked the one I could live with.
Again, I’m selfish.
And I thought Cassia seeing me with other girls in high school would take care of any feelings she had for me. She wasn’t supposed to still want me after the fact.
“I can’t change the past, Cassia.” I blow out a long breath. “Grace means nothing to me. None of them did.”
Things I’ve told her before.
Truths that didn’t sink in.
Not like Brooks did. I saw her face earlier when he said he’d only been with one girl. When the other guys were teasing him about it. It meant something to her that they have that in common, and it’s something I can never share with her.
I didn’t cheat.
I didn’t do it to hurt her.
But my past is there between us, and if it hasn’t faded by now, I’m not sure if it ever will.
I look over, tracing the lump of her body lying a few feet away. It feels like she’s a lot farther.
