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“Hey. Just wanted to say Welcome Home.”
I smile. “Yeah, you too. Theater program was good?”
Sydney glances away, so quick I barely catch it. But then she’s nodding and smiling. “Yeah. It was great.”
“You sticking around for long?”
“I have a week before classes start. Not sure yet. You’re leaving Thursday, like Cassia?”
I nod. “Unless you want me to stay…”
“I’m twenty, Holden. I don’t need a babysitter.”
“Fine. It was just an offer.” I toss a sweatshirt into my open suitcase, a half-hearted attempt at packing. I’ll take everything in here with me, so it’s just a matter of getting it all from Point A to Point B. Pembrooke to Richmond College.
“I just meant, there’s no reason for you to stay. But thanks.”
I nod.
“Uh, Cassia and I are going out for ice cream. Do you want me to bring you back anything? Or you could come…”
I hear the reluctance in the second offer, even as she makes it. Our group dynamic shifted at the start of high school. Changed again during Cassia and I’s senior year.
I know Sydney is happy for me. For Cassia. She pushed me to fight for her during one of my many fuck-ups. But I also recognize that me dating her best friend must suck sometimes. If she and Finn got together, it would be very weird for me.
So I shake my head. “Nah, I’m good. Thanks. You guys have fun.”
Sydney nods, relief flashing across her face. “Okay. See you later.”
“See you.”
A few minutes later, I hear the front door shut.
Leaving me with a lot of laundry and troubled thoughts.
CHAPTER TWELVE
CASSIA
After dropping Sydney off at her condo, I stop at the pharmacy. I’m not sure if she’ll be grateful. She didn’t mention the possible pregnancy once during our trip to get ice cream. And maybe this is a step she should take herself whenever she’s ready. But I also knownotknowing must be driving a part of her crazy. It’s drivingmecrazy.
Guilt swirls in my stomach as my steps shuffle along the gray carpet past packages of pads. Not only am I going against what Sydney wants right now, but I’m keeping this huge secret from Holden. He’d want to know Sydney is struggling. The sooner Sydney knows for sure, the sooner I’ll know how big of a secret it is.
When I make it to the end of the aisle, there are way more options for pregnancy tests than I was expecting. If our situations were reversed, Holden is who I would tell first. But Sydney is the person I would bring along on this trip. Maybe we’d be giggling nervously about how many different options there are. Wonderingwhythere are countless choices. Aren’t they all the same?
Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. Maybe I’d be paralyzed by the possibilities the same way Sydney is.
Denial isn’t always a terrible place to be.
After staring at the boxes for a few seconds longer, I randomly grab one off the shelf.
My palms dampen with sweat as I rush down the aisle.
Pembrooke is a small town.
The realization I’m rushing piles on another hefty dose of guilt. Because I know I’m not the one who’s potentially pregnant, but I feel ashamed by the box I’m carrying anyway.
Irresponsible and insecure.
