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That’s me.
Reliable. Dependable. Studious.
Part of me wonders what she would have said if I hadn’t corrected her about the pregnancy test. If my future had justbeen affected the same way Sydney’s was. Would she have been supportive? Disappointed?
“I know. God forbid I get a B.”
A beat of silence. “Cassia, that’s not what I meant. I’m always proud of you, no matter what grades you get in school.”
I exhale. “I know. I’m sorry. Just…long day.”
I’m taking everything out on my mom, which isn’t fair. She’s only one half of the equation and the only one available to direct my feelings toward.
I thought my dad working constantly was a sign of his devotion to our family. Turns out I couldn’t have been more wrong.
He might be providing financially, but that’s it. He didn’t attend one of Regan’s swim meets this summer. Wasn’t there to pick the twins up from soccer camp once. The sedan malfunctioned in July, and he said he’d look at it on one of the rare evenings he was home for dinner. It had to be towed to a mechanic.
“I’ve had a few of those myself,” my mom says. “I should go serve up dinner. I’ll talk to you soon. Okay, honey?”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
“Bye, Cassia. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I say, then hang up and toss my phone onto the bed.
Finish getting dressed and find Sydney standing at the kitchen island scrolling on her phone.
The timer for the cookies buzzes a couple of minutes later. We transfer them to a plate without bothering to let them cool, the chocolate smearing across the china in a gooey brown mess.
We settle on the couch with the cookies, plus seltzers and popcorn. The air conditioning is finally working. The living room vent is right next to me, raising goosebumps on my skin.
“What do you want to watch?” I ask, turning on the television and starting to scroll through the options. Thanks to my lack of a social life this summer, I’ve already seen all the recent releases.
“I’m jealous of you,” Sydney says suddenly.
I glance over at her. She’s playing with the hem of her shirt, a glum look on her face. “What? Why?”
“Because you got the guy.” She makes a face. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s weird that he’s my brother. But if I pretend that he’s not, that he’s justaguy who looks at you the way Holden does… We both know I heard all the same rumors you did in high school, about the fights and the drinking and other girls. You always acted like you didn’t care.”
Her expression turns wry, both of us knowing I cared a whole lot, even if we never discussed it at the time.
“I just mean, you have a person. Someone has your back and cares no matter what. If you got pregnant accidentally, you’d know he wasin,” she continues. “That sounds pretty freaking nice right now.”
“Harrison will—”
“It’sdifferent, Cassia. I know Harrison will step up. But it’ll be different. You have someone who would see it as more than an accidental obligation. Holden would be excited. Supportive. Protective.”
I open my mouth, ready to refute. Recall Holden’s stunned expression earlier. That didn’t look like excitement to me. I have no clue how he’d react, honestly.
Sydney shakes her head, stopping me. “You don’t have to say anything. Maybe I’m a terrible best friend for saying anything. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty or feel more sorry for me than you already do. I’m hormonal and scared.” She snorts. “Who would have thought, out of the two of us, that Holden would end up in a long-term relationship and I’d get knocked up from a one-night stand?”
“We’ve had plenty of problems, most of which you’ve witnessed. No relationship is perfect, but ours definitely isn’t.”
“You got through it all, though. That means something too.”
Your parents aren’t us. They made it really far. Just not all the way to the finish line. We will.
I heard the confidence—the certainty—in his voice. I believe him. And I appreciate it more, absorbing what Sydney is saying. My feelings for Holden terrify me. They also symbolize the safest I’ve ever felt.
