AllFreeNovel
Share Us
That’s the main thought that keeps circling around in my head, instead of listening to Mr. Watson drone on about different types of seaweed and how to easily identify them. I thought Oceanography would be an easy senior year science elective. It’s equally boring, unfortunately.
I tap my pen against the metal rings of my open notebook, my thoughts chaotic and my knee bouncing.
When the girl who’s always beenthe girlends up in your lap, humping your dick, you kiss her. Right?
I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. Iwasn’tthinking, really. I was swimming with residual adrenaline, sore as fuck, more than buzzed from the whiskey I picked up on the drive home, and in no way prepared for Cassia to make any sort of move toward me.
I thought any interest on her part had long since fizzled, dispelled by years of barely exchanging trivial conversation, let alone anything meaningful. I thought, at most, there was maybe some physical attraction lingering.
Cassia isn’t a random hookup girl. She’s the girl you kiss on the front porch after a date, not the one you take upstairs toa spare bedroom at a party. But I didn’t think she was the girl who climbed on a guy’s dick to get herself off either, so maybe I misjudged her.
Based on the way she’s gone out of her way to ignore me ever since it happened, she regrets that it did. That grates at me, even more irritating than the possibility Cassia is not as inexperienced as I assumed.
She was brazen and bold around me when we were younger. But I hadn’t seen that side of her in years, the girl who goes after what she wants without second-guessing. Sure, she’s driven, especially when it comes to school. But I think that’s more about pleasing her parents than anything else.
And once again, I don’t know. I have no idea when or if she still seizes control. It shouldn’t bother me as much as it does, considering I’m the one who ensured I wouldn’t—that I don’t. But it annoys me anyway, itches my skin like an irritation that can’t be scratched.
Finn keeps pace with me as we leave class and head toward the cafeteria. He’s still talking about my victory on Friday night, describing what he considers my most impressive moments. Completely oblivious to the fact I’m not paying attention to a single word he’s saying. More of our friends join us the closer we get to the cafeteria, and that distracts him.
I’m busy scanning the hall.
Mark asks me a question about the start of practice next week, which I focus on until we reach our typical table and sit. Grace and McKenzie appear, joining the group. Grace takes the seat next to me. Her hand finds my thigh under the table, stroking the denim.
“You okay?” she asks. Soft and quiet, not trying to draw attention to the question. Still, everyone else at the table is surreptitiously watching us.
Grace and I are primetime entertainment. Most of the guys have bets going on how long before we hook up again.
They’re going to lose.
Maybe before Friday night, those odds had a decent chance. Before then, Grace was a hot blonde distraction who was happy with casual and no strings.
A possibility when Cassia was nothing but a fantasy. But now I know what the reality with Cassia is like. Know what the breathy moans she makes when she comes sound like.
I was in control, up until Cassia instigated things. I’ve never wanted to resist her, and I’m sick of trying. The problem is, my selfish tendencies have never extended to Cassia.
She’s been the exception, always.
I’ll hurt her, even if I don’t mean to.
Me staying away is in her best interest and so I’ve tried to do exactly that. Not drag her down into my uncertain future. Into my destructive tendencies and volatile decisions.
The problem is, how Iactuallyfeel about her has never changed, regardless of how I’ve acted. It was much easier to keep that façade up when I figured all Cassia Nolan wanted was to become a veterinarian and meet a nice, reliable guy one day.
But then she came on my dick like she was desperate for me, and that assumption shattered like fragile glass.
“Holden?”
“I’m fine,” I answer, then take a long pull of water as I watch the entrance.
Cassia walks into the cafeteria, talking to a girl with a blonde bob who I’ve never noticed before. They both walk over to the table of girls that includes my sister. Instead of her usual spot facing me, Cassia sits on the opposite side of the table so her back is toward me.
I sip more water, eyes fixed on the back of the gray sweatshirt she’s wearing. She sits in the same spot, always. This is purposeful, her making a point.
She won’t even look at me.
Fuck it.
I stand, ignoring Grace asking me where I’m going. Cross the linoleum floor of the cafeteria, pretending not to see the curious glances aimed my way. I stride straight toward Cassia, not bothering with any semblance ofI just happened to be walking bycasual bullshit.
